Blurred Lines

Chapter Seven

"Mom, I am exhausted. Can we please slow down?" I huffed loudly and swatted my neck where sweat was dripping down into the back of my shirt.

She turned around and laughed, the sweat plastering her hair to her forehead. "Sure, we can slow down. But we have to keep moving if we're going to finish this trail before lunch."

I barely had the energy to roll my eyes. "I don't know why you insist on torturing me."

"Blair, this is not torturing. You need to get outside and get off your electronics. You refuse to do so on your own, so we're doing it together. If you don't want to take ten mile hikes at 7:00 in the morning, then I suggest you find another way to stay active and be outside." Her voice was clipped on the ends, partially from scolding and partially because she was tired.

I stayed silent. As much as I hated it, I had to admit that the trail she chose was really pretty. Our path was vaguely marked with yellow flags tied to random tree trunks. Birds flew above us, dipping in and out of the sunlight pockets that broke through the canopy of trees. The trail was mostly in the shade, providing a cool umbrella to the scorching sun above us. A squirrel bounded away to the right of us, scurrying across the soft leaves and scaling a tree trunk.

"Whatever," I muttered.

"Heard that!" She yelled, throwing her hand back in my direction.

I stuck my tongue out at her out of spite.

Then I smiled.

"Blair." Dad nudged my shoulder and my head jerked upright. I hadn't even noticed that I had fallen asleep. "Dr. Macey is back."

She was walking slow and talking to a nurse beside her. Both of them were wearing scrubs. Dr. Macey noticed us watching through the window and gave us a small smile. She said something to the nurse and then parted to walk over to us.

"Hello John," she nodded to my dad and then turned to me. "Blair."

"Is there news?" My dad asked. He squeezed my shoulder and shoved his other hand in his front pocket.

"Yes, there is." Her voice was sympathetic and she gestured to the chairs by the wall. "I think you should sit down for this."

I sank into a chair. Her voice was too quiet and her facial expressions were too blank for good news. Dad sat in the chair next to me and wrapped my small hand in his. He leaned forward so his elbows were on his knees, as if moving forward would urge Dr. Macey to hurry up with whatever she had to say.

She perched on the edge of the chair cushion and looked up, giving away the initial cracks in her stone face. Her eyebrows creased as she started, "I am so sorry, but Jen's internal bleeding was too much to-"

The blood rushed in my ears and the tornado was back, whipping wind around and around in circles so that I couldn't hear anything else but air. Dr. Macey continued to speak, her lips forming slow words about my mom's condition.

Explaining what they did. Explaining what they couldn't do. It was too much.

Too much blood.

Too many complications.

My dad's hand started to tighten around his, his fingernails accidentally pinching my skin. But I could barely feel it. My body was going numb and I couldn't move. Couldn't think.

"So what are you saying?" My dad asked, interrupting her. "We don't understand the medical terms or all of the other things. Just tell us what happened. Tell us that she's coming back to us."

Dr. Macey opened her mouth and closed it. Like a fish.

"Please," I begged, adding on to my dad's plea.

"I'm so sorry," Dr. Macey whispered, glancing at me. "We did everything we could. But your mom didn't make it."

My nose burned like fire with the promise of tears. I stared at her through the blur of the saltwater wall threatening to spill over onto my cheeks. Dad shot up out of his seat and walked over to the window, looking out into the hallway at the different people. He pressed his hand against the inner corners of his eyes and his body shook as if the sadness was possessing his entire body.

"So." I tried to keep my voice level, as if there wasn't a curtain of black that had covered my world and sent me into a state of shock. I couldn't wrap my head around this new reality. "You're telling me that my mom...is dead?" My voice squeaked and it sounded as if my throat was being squeezed.

Dr. Macey looked at me with saucer eyes, pleading with me to understand. To understand that she did everything that she could. That she was so sorry. "Yes, sweetie."

I shook my head, staring at the white tile. "No. No, this can't be true." My tongue felt thick, like it was blocking my ability to breathe. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. My fingers wrapped around the arms of the chair, and I started to rock back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.

"No, she worked here. She was your colleague." I shook my head back and forth, choking on my own words as if they were made of cotton. "Couldn't you have done anything more?"

"I'm so sorry," Dr. Macey whispered and turned around to my dad. "I am going to give you some space." She got up and left quickly, closing the door behind her.

"No!" I yelled, the tears pouring faster down my cheeks. I desperately tried to wipe them away, but they just kept flowing. The sobs wracked my body like somebody was shaking me. Like I was a rag doll.

"She..can't...be..dead," I cried out, coughing and choking over mucus. The sudden movement jolted my body and I fell out of my chair. Big arms wrapped around me and Dad held me like I was an infant. He rocked me back and forth as I shook. I couldn't even think straight. It was one word, darker than black velvet, but somehow the only word that I could see in my head.

Dead.

My chest hiccuped up and down with my sobs. My lungs struggled to fill with enough air. I felt like I was drowning in my tears, suffocating on my own sadness. Breathing was a struggle and my throat rasped with the mucus.

Dead.

Dad held me, his grip was tight on my arms. But I could barely feel it. I was numb and cold. My cries echoed throughout the hospital room, haunting and filling my mind with that dreadful word.

Dead. 

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This chapter really tugged at my heartstrings and I had to take a break because I was sad just writing it. What did you think?

I hope everyone is staying safe

- Payton