[Discontinued] Red vs Blue: Agent Delaware

Chapter XXII- Blood Gulch

When Del and Kaikaina flew to Blood Gulch, the ship crashed into the ground. When the two exited the ship, they were greeted by three soldiers. One was wearing Red armor and held a shotgun in his hands, the two other held SMGs. One wore Orange armor and the other wore Maroon armor.

"Who are you?" The soldier in red demanded, aiming his firearm at Del's face. His voice carried a southern accent, like The Director's accent, but much heavier.

"Oh! Uh, I'm Del." Del introduced. "This is..."

"Kaikaina?!" The one in orange cried out.

"Dex!!!" Kaikaina said excitedly.

"I'm sorry, what?" The soldier in red questioned, lowering his shotgun.

"Uh... that's my sister." The one in orange said.

"Grif's sister?!" The soldier in Maroon cried.

"Yeah." Kaikaina said with a laugh. "Isn't that cool?"

"Y'know," the soldier in Red stated, "I always knew there was a genetic possibility that Grif would have blood relatives. But I always held on to the hope that he was a HORRIBLE byproduct of an experiment at a turd manufacturing plant!"

"Go. Home." Grif demanded.

"What?" Kaikaina said, suddenly surprised.

"Go home, right now." Grif ordered. "Get in your ship, uncrash it, and fly it home."

"Whatever." Kaikaina scoffed. "Make me!"

"As much as I don't wanna spoil my reputation as a do-nothing slacker," Grif replied, "I will not hesitate to beat you senseless and drop you in that ship myself."

"That's a graphic image." Del muttered.

"I thought you would be happy to see me!" Kaikaina said, offended.

"How did you even get here? We're in the future!" Grif cried.

"Uh... what?" Del asked, confused.

"Hm... I think I know how." The Maroon soldier said. "Did you guys use your hyperdrive to get here or just the lightdrive?"

"Is that the one with all the knobs, or the other one with all the..." Kaikaina started.

Del interrupted her, putting a hand in front of her.

"Lightdrive." Del answered.

"Huh." The Maroon soldier deduced. "And as Einstein theorized in his theory on relativity..."

"English." Grif groaned. Obviously he had to put up with lectures like these before.

"When you travel near the speed of light," Maroon stated, "time slows down for you. Essentially, these two came forward in time by traveling at light speed."

"That's stupid." Grif said.

"No," Maroon countered, "that's science. Didn't you ever read the famous science fiction story where the astronaut watches his baby son being born, but THEN he gets in his ship..."

"No." Grif said.

"Well, did you ever read the one where..."

"No."

"How about..."

"I didn't read any of them!"

"Hey," Kaikaina laughed, "who's the nerd?"

"Excuse me," Maroon said, "I'm not a nerd. My mom says there's nothing shameful about being smart."

"Alright, Dynamic Duo," Red stated, cutting in, "there's just one more thing I don't get, how'd you join the army?"

"What do you mean?" Kaikaina said, "I just signed up."

"But your uh..." Red stammered. "Y'know... you got lady parts."

"Sexist." Del muttered.

"Alright then, Relic," Red said, regarding Del's new set of armor, "what's your story?"

"Oh, I used to be a Freelancer."

Immediately after Del finished his sentence, the group took five steps away from him.

"So," Del thought with a silent laugh, "they've heard about us."

"What about her?" Red asked, once again regarding Kaikaina. "I mean, unless this is the cooking and sewing army..."

"You'll have to excuse Sarge. He comes from the old school." Maroon said.

"Thanks." Kaikaina grumbled.

"By the way," Del said, "nobody says 'old school' anymore."

"Actually," Kaikaina said, "they told me I was too young. So, I grabbed an extra suit of armor, and busted a shuttle."

"Glad you learned something from me." Grif sighed.

"WHAT?!" Del cried. "YOU TOLD ME YOU GOT A CALL!"

"No," Kaikaina laughed. "I'm just kidding. I've just always always wanted to do something like that."

"Then why'd you join the army?" Grif asked. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"Well," Kaikaina said innocently, "you always looks after me when mom ran away to join the circus."

"Hold on a second..." Del said.

"You're mom is in the circus?" Del and Maroon asked in unison.

"Y'know," Maroon laughed, "At first I didn't like you, but you've already made my insults 45% more efficient by just saying that one sentence."

"Well," Del said, "at least that explains the cotton candy machine in the attic."

"Was your mom a flaming sword swallower?" Sarge asked. "We could really use somebody to replace Donut."

"Nope." Kaikaina said.

"Lion Tamer?" Del asked, suddenly intrigued.

"Nu-uh." Kaikaina replied. "You know how circuses have. A bearded lady and a fat lady? Well, my mom plays both. 'Cause she's, like, SUPER talented."

"Oh. My. God." Maroon breathed.

"I'm not sure that's something you wanna brag about." Del said.

"Is it okay if I record everything you say?!" Maroon cried.

"Sure!" Kaikaina said. "Anyway, Grif always looked after me, but when he went away. I didn't want to be alone."

"You had me as a roommate." Del said.

"Yeah, but you're not exactly family." Kaikaina said.

"Fair point." Del shrugged.

"Okay," Maroon said, "let me get this straight. You felt scared of being alone, so you decided to join a war?"

"She's a Grif, alright." Sarge said.

"Wait a minute! She was the one who was tapping!" Grif said.

"Duh." Maroon said.

"Yeah." Kaikaina said. "I was wondering why you guys didn't answer."

"None of us know Morris Code. It's outdated."

"Morris? Isn't it Morse Code?" Del asked.

"Don't you mean 'old school'?" Kaikaina taunted with a laugh.

"No!" Grif said. "Don't you get it? If she was the one tapping, then what happens to Donut?"

"Who?" Del asked.

Below the surface of the planet, a man in pink armor, Franklin Donut stood up, recovering from when a ship fell on him.

"Ow." He muttered
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A/N: I am SO sorry! I meant to publish this chapter the other day, but I forgot, and time got away from me yesterday. I'll try not to let that happen again. Til the next one, everybody!