Autumn (GirlxGirl) | #FREETHESKITTLES

thirty two

        Maybe we had not talked because I was being petty. And I think she might have been too. I mean, the last message I received from her was the one she sent a few days before she showed up at my house, drunk and shit. Then afterwards driving off with someone else.

        I could not help but care.

        Why do we do that? As people, why do we seem to think that having the upper hand in a fight or argument held more meaning than just throwing ourselves into the same level to figure things out together?

        We have too much pride, us humans. That is how you lose the battles you are meant to tackle together, and it always ends up hurting both parties immensely.

        My mom had probably gotten the hint that something may have happened as well. One of the dinners we had last week when Amanda did not come over became completely dreadful when she asked, "how's Autumn? I haven't seen her in a while."

        Hearing her name made me think of the first time I met her. Back when I felt really nervous to be around her. It suddenly dawned on me that she was just like the leaves in the park, hanging onto me for a little while and as more time passed, it just had to break off at some point. Flitting away from me as a sudden gust of wind broke the support I have on her, or as what she must have thought.

        I would still be there for her, no matter the circumstances. I knew for a fact that whatever happened between us, was not because of what I did or said. She was bothered by something. I should be upset at her, but all I could think about is how much she needs someone.

        It was so much easier to get lost in my own thoughts, just like how she got lost somewhere else. I was just thinking about how close it was to winter break, and those weeks were usually my darkest moments, ever since it happened. I seemed to always have more time to myself.

        "Fall's almost over, it's getting harder to go out," I stated, hoping that she would not prod on any longer. Taking the last bite of my meal, I got up right away with my plate and dropped it carelessly into the sink, making a screeching, clattering sound.

        "Is everything okay?" My mom asked in a soft voice. Heaving a sigh and mustering up the biggest grin I could manage, I turned towards her.

        "Why wouldn't everything be okay, Ma?" I quipped back, rougher than I meant it to be. Instead of her getting upset as I expected, or wanted her to be so we could take a different subject, she got up slowly from the dining table and approached me with open arms.

        "Come here, honey," she said with a small smile on her face. I grumbled, going in for the embrace.

        "What's this for?" I muttered monotonously on her shoulder. Deep down I knew, or we both knew, that what she just did was highly appreciated and much needed. I also found myself snaking my arms around her when she held me tighter. The next words that came out of her mouth had my heart crunching within me, and I held my breath, forcing any sort of sob back into my throat.

        "You just called your favourite season Fall. Not once have you faltered in four years."

        Suddenly, I was pulled back from my reverie into Amanda's room when her face appeared right on my knees. It was kind of creepy, but not as much when her eyes softened.

        "You're going somewhere else again," she said under her breath, holding my face up with her finger and running her thumb across my cheek. A tear must have escaped my eyes.

        "I'm sorry," I mumbled, pursing my lips together as I looked away from her.

        She hummed in response and patted her hands on my knees. Pushing herself up, she held a hand out for me to take. "Come on, I want to tell you something. It seemed to have helped before," she said confidently in a hushed voice. Without taking her hand, I got up with my back against the wall.