MARVEL'S AVENGERS ONESHOTS! (a lot of peter parker, but others too!)

This one's about Bucky Barnes...

This one is about bucky, and it has PTSD and may be triggering to some ppl, please don't read if you would be possibly triggered, 

Bucky was hunched over his notebook. Nobody ever dared to read over his shoulder, cause if you did, he would shut it , and shut up, and not talk to anyone for days at a time. 

Hers what this entry says:

Dear Journal. I've decided to talk about this now. 

You know, I'm not really what you would call a sentimental person. I- I don't like to think about the past necessarily. So I just try to block it out I guess. But whenever I wake up in a cold sweat after falling from the Damnned train, I can't help but think about it. I'll wake up sometimes from the middle of the night and I won't remember why I woke up, I just have this sense of dread. 

I'll sit down and be trying to be normal and to get this bullshit out of my head, but I won't notice I'm clawing at my left arm. At least not until I see the blood under my fingernails and realize I can actually feel. I hate that arm. I wish I could rip it off, but those damn hydra scientists found. a way to attach it to my nerves so I can actually feel it. 

I try not to look at it, but considering its my arm its hard. 

But I mean enough about the arm. 

I get flashbacks sometimes. Sometimes its being pulled out of that cell and being dragged to a table where I was strapped down and was stuck with needles and had pills shoved down my throat. 

Barnes, James Buchanan,  Sargent, 32557038

Barnes, James Buchanan, Sargent, 32557038

Barnes, James Buchanan, Sargent, 32557038 

Over and over again. And other times, I'm watching my best friend jump over an explosion. Then I'm marching towards the camp, I can barely support myself but I can't say anything. There's others hurt worse, so I just need to forget about my pain and try to help others. 

Other times I'm falling from that train, falling, feeling my arm being ripped from my body. Hearing the crunch in the snow, God. I can still hear the snow. Being dragged through that snow. Words put in my head. GOD.  Those words. 

I hate them. 

But the thing that haunts me the most is that the winter soldier is in the back of my head. 

He brings me things. Not nice things. Memories. 

I see myself shooting someone. I'm not. He is. But it's me. But it's not. I- I can't explain it. I hear myself saying to them.

"Независимо от того, сколько вы умоляете, это не будет иметь никакого значения для меня." 

God. Oh. God. I try to not shoot, but I do, I can't help it, but I do. 

I also. Oh god. I don't wanna talk about this but I got to get this off my chest. 

Sometimes I-

No. God. No. 

I can see things. Like, Bad things. I see like cutscenes. I just see myself killing everyone in the room. And I panic. Cause for a split second I think I did. So if I randomly get up and run out of a room, its because I don't wanna hurt anyone. I just- I- I can't do things. I can't enjoy things. Movies with gunfire. When toasters pop it scares me. if someone speaks suddenly, it scares me. If one of those words are spoken I have to leave. 

I just, I know I need to talk to someone but its hard sometimes. Thats why I write. 
Thanks journal,

You're always there. 

-end entry- 

Bucky sat up from being hunched over from writing. he closed the book and stood up. He let out a shaky sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. and took in a shaky breath, and tilted his head to the ceiling. He wiped a tear before it could fall down his face. Natasha walked by, she saw him and knew. and she sat down next to him. 

"You know buck," She started. She looked up at him with a sorrowful pitiful look in her eyes. She knew how he felt. She knew the signs, the symptoms, the feeling. She reached out and grabbed his hands. Bucky flinched but realizing how she only meant it with love, and reassurance, he let her.

"You know Barnes, If you ever need a friendly face to talk to, I'm always right here." She said. Almost too quiet to hear. The two damaged soldiers stood up together and wrapped each other in a comforting embrace before a soft 

"Thank you little widow." was muttered. 

Because no matter what horrors were written in that journal. 

Besides all of the training. 

Nothing could take away the good in the memories he had. 

Of teaching and training 28 ballerinas. 

The one good thing he did as the winter soldier. 

And his favorite little widow. 

Ok this was kinda sad for me to write but I did, cause it was kinda fun. I know I usually do Peter Parker but I thought I'd add diversity! I know its a bit sadder but yeah. Also, idk if its what happens in the MCU, but Bucky did train Natasha in the red room, and they're a "thing" and uh, yeah. 

anyways please please please add requests! I need ideas man! 

-Isabelle :)