Pure At Heart

Pure At Heart (26) That startled me

“And, indeed, in time will your Lord grant you [what your heart desires], and you shall be well-pleased. (Surat ad-Dhuha 93:5)”

 

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“What is it Ayesha?” I asked her.

She took a deep breath.

“The doctor told me you’re pregnant,” she finally spoke. My mouth hung open. This can’t be!

“What? But how come?” I asked, not thinking about what I was saying.

Ayesha laughed. “Hamna, many many congratulations,” she said with a smile.

“Don’t congratulate me please. I want to get rid of this child. Please!” I pleaded. Her expressions changed.

“Hamna?” she said.

“No Ayesha! You don’t understand. I won’t be able to take care of it on my own. I am not that strong. I can bare anything but not a life of human being. Please Ayesha. Please let me get-

“Absolutely no! Hamna do you know what you’re saying? Do you have any idea how big of a sin that is?” she said in quite a serious tone.

I knew this was another test but I think no test could cross this one. I buried my face in hands and cried.

“Hamna,” Ayesha sat beside me and hugged me.

“Look, I was only a year older than you when I left my husband’s house. I went through those nine months alone and I’m still going through everything alone. I only had and have Allah with me. And I don’t think anyone can top that power, can they?” she said. I didn’t answer her. I knew her story was a moral for me but I knew I wasn’t able to take all of it at once. I had no idea the test results would turn out to be this. I was pregnant?! There was an actual human being growing inside me?

“Don’t compare me to yourself Ayesha,” I said as I wiped my tears. “I am not as strong as you are.”

She smiled. “Of course you are. Allah sends His hardest tests to His strongest soldiers,” she told me. I looked at her. Was she telling the truth? Did Allah really think I was one of His strong soldiers?

“And He  never burdens a person more than the person can bare, right?” she asked as she moved my hair away from my face. The doctor was a lady and Ayesha had strictly forbidden any male doctors or nurses from coming inside.

I nodded. “I know. But-

“No buts Hamna. This child may be a blessing for you inshaAllah. You’re going to be a mother. I think this is a blessing more than a test. You will finally have someone who’s biologically related to you,” she told me and I laughed.

“I know. I don’t know what I was saying. May Allah forgive me,” I said.

“Of course He will. I hope He gives you a daughter just as He gave me one,” I smiled and nodded. Deep down inside, I was still scared. I was scared of the future. Only Allah knew how many test were waiting ahead for me on this road of life.

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A day later, I was dicharged and ready to go home with some major precautions. As soon as we got home, Ayesha told me to go get some rest. I did as I was told and rested on a couch, since the bed was too uncomfortable for me right now. I closed my eyes as I tried sleeping.