ROXY

YOURE GONNA LET IT ALL GO?

30

YOURE GONNA LET IT ALL GO?

LEO'S voice echoes softly through the bathroom even though he's on the other side of the door. "What do you want?" My mom asks, a little bit of disappointment has a residue on her voice.

"I just... can I come in?" He asks quietly and my mom sighs, looking at me. I just stare at my interlocked hands and shrug.

What's the point? He'll probably not even notice me....

"okay..." my mom says, quietly but just loud enough for him to hear.

He walks in slowly, making no noise as my mom continues to wash me, going up to my forearm as I just sit there. I don't think I'll ever feel the same... it hurts me deep inside like I'm disgusting and it's my fault.

Is it my fault?

Is it my fault that Leo doesn't love me too?

He walks up to the side of the tub and sits on the edge, staring at his feet, just being there before he bites his lip and looks at my mom.

"Can I help?" He asks slowly and she looks at me, but then decides herself. I would've said no, I don't want him to touch me..

She hands him the rag and sighs. "Y'know what, it's not my decision to make but I'm making it. Go ahead. Call me back in if you need me."

And she leaves...

It's silence for a second before he rolls up his jeans and puts his feet in the bath water so he can face me.

"I just want you to feel comfortable-"

"I'll never feel comfortable around you, Jace.." I huff and he breathes heavily. "Please don't call me that-" he starts but I swallow and growl, "Just shut up for once!"

"I should've known that you wouldn't want me in here- I-... I just didn't want to let you go.." he says and I roll my eyes, "shut up." I say, but I Don't stop him from rubbing the cloth on my back. I don't stop him from moving my hair away with gentle fingers sending tingles through me.

Because I still love him, even if I don't want to. I do.. and it hurts. "No I'm not lying-"

"Why put all the work in? Why put all the work in if it wasn't true? Why put all that work in just to lie about lying!?"

"That's what I'm saying... is that it wasn't a lie,"

I feel as though my body deflates. "Leave." I mumble but he doesn't.

"Let me say something! Sure it wasn't a lie but everything else wasn't either. I never lied about loving you! What happened was I didn't know I loved you! And I'm stupid and you know that, so stupid me decided that it would be a great idea to fuck with you... but really that just fucked everything because approximately three seconds later I realized I loved you and I always had and that I fucked up big time... it was never just because of that stupid idea I had when I was bored. Everything past the time I kissed you this beach visit was real. Every single fucking thing. I wish it didn't happen.. I wish I never said anything. I was just so angry-"

I can't look at him without crying, knowing what he said. But I shuffle and sniff, as his hands wrap around and start rubbing my chest.

He's not gentle, but he's not rough, he's making me feel like I'm being cleaned.

"Did you ever stop for a second and think, 'at least I have a dad?' Fuck Le- Jace you have two dads!"