Traumatized by My Teacher

You

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine, I guess."

"Are you not sure?"

"I don't know, i mean I think I'm fine."

"Are you confused on how you are feeling or are you afraid on your true feeling?"

"What kinda of question is that,"I said looking up at my psychiatrist, Dr. Peters.

"I'm trying to make sure that you are focus on what I am saying. I just added a little trick question. Now tell me how are you."

"I... I don't exactly know,"I said shrugging.

"What do you mean? Please explain your thoughts," she said calmly. Her emotionless voice gets on my nerves. I hate it....

"What more could I explain than I don't know? I feel like I should be fine," I said getting irritated.

"Mmkay so what have you been doing personally. I did recommend you to do yoga and meditation to release your unwanted emotions."

"See the thing is that I don't want that Kum By Yah shit. I want to feel loose and free."

"So tell me what do you need to do?"

"Umm I'm paying you to help so you tell me what's wrong."

"Is it your mother?"

"When isn't it? Ha. She was the perfect mom then when she started screwing her boss she changed. She switched so fast."

"Go on.."

"I mean I love her but she's a bitch. I mean I promise you she was nothing like she is now. I feel like when she found out I was kidnapped by my teacher, she changed. She was so sweet, so understanding, strict on school but she was atleast caring."

"And how does that make you feel," Dr. Peters said taking notes.

"I mean, shit...I don't even know if she still loves me. I'm uncertain on where our mother daughter relationship stands. She killed my baby, she betrayed me just like my father did. And the explanation she gave on why she killed it was totally fucked up."

"Go in details on this situation."

"Haven't I told you a million times? Sometimes I feel like I'm paying you to talk to myself," I roll my eyes,"My mother was a Saint my eyes. Shit , I used to brag about her. Yea she didn't allow me to do certain things and she was strong on my education but I never in my life would've thought that she would turn out like this. To be honest, she ain't shit to me. At a time that I needed her to be by my side, the bitch, I mean she shamed me for some shit that I had no control over."

"I understand, a mother is suppose to be there for their child no matter what," she says.

"Ya damn skippy. A mother is suppose to support their child and help make the right decisions. Not make them. She should've asked me what i wanted to do to my body and my child not take it upon herself."

"But you didn't want the baby."

"Yes I did at a time didn't want the baby. But I realized that was my mistake and I had no business playing God for any one. That's baby who never got a chance and it's my mothers fault. It's funny how this situation seperated real from fake."

"I think we should get your mother in the next appointment to see what she had to say for herself. I think this could mend the wound that was created so deep. You deserve some closure so that your mind can find peace. I want to work on establish your meaning in life and try to help you know your place and worth."

I shake back the tears. It's a pain for me to talk about this but it takes a little bit of pressure off of my chest.

"Yea but she will only disappoint me once again. She is not the mother that she used to be and I say it till the cows come home."

"I understand. I'll make the phone call and perhaps I could persuade her."

"Shit that's gonna be like talking to a brick wall. She's very stubborn, just know that much."

"Alright. But it will make you feel better and I can guarantee that."

"Yea you say that. But I know you are just rushing me to leave. I'll be glad when I'm back to normal."

"See you next Thursday at 4pm sharp. Please think about what I said. You are going to get better,"she said getting up with me and walking me out of her office.

"I'll be here but I'm not sure about the rest,"I said grabbing my purse and leaving.

I got on the elevator and pressed the bottom for the first floor.

I quickly exited the building into the parking garage. I walked over to my Range Rover and hopped in. I got and and sat there for a moment.

I needed to clear my head but here was not the place. I drove out and headed home. I let my tears stream my face.... I let it all out.

I slowed down once I got to my neighborhood. Jaden may or may not be home so I don't want to show up looking as depressed as I feel.

I stopped two blocks from my house and parked next to a creek. I turned off the engine and I relaxed my head. I needed a minute to pull myself together.

I take a deep breath then I let slowly let it out to calm my self. I look up at mirror to fix my face. I dried my tears and blew my nose. I couldn't help that my eyes are red. Maybe I'll just say I'm tired.

Knowing damn well he ain't gone believe that shit.

A glass of wine and a nice hot bubble bath sound soo soothing and relaxing. With my husband of course.

I smile at the thought and started back home. I want someone to hold me right now.

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