how do i tell you, i love you? [ moon byulyi x kim seokjin ]

the first that hurts

he's drunk.

well, not drunk with all the alcohol. he has a high tolerance for it- but then, he's drunken with jealousy. as much as he tried to not overthink about byulyi's decision to not tell them, it was a good opportunity to, now that everyone's here.

but no, she's just laughing her heart out every time she's being teased about others- as if she's single at the moment.

he knew her carefree attitude, but sometimes it gives a pang on his chest whenever she pretends, as if he's also close to forgetting that they are together with how great she acts. 

he knew that it's childish, she might think that he's possessive. 

but clearly, they were just new.

he was too madly in love with her, maybe that's driving him insecure to see. he's confident, but seeing others liking her too much, he couldn't help but compare himself. 

taking another shot, he sighs bitterly while remembering every points of insecurities he has. 

after a couple of minutes, byulyi noticed his silence while everyone was playing. she tilted her head to check on him, but he wasn't looking back or anything else.

"hey." byulyi pats his hand, as he breaks from his silence, looking at her. "what's wrong?" byulyi asks, her soft voice ringing on his ears, making him smile and feel a little good after realizing that her sweetness would only show for him.

but that wasn't enough to silence his thoughts. 

"nothing, don't mind me." seokjin insisted, as byulyi frowns. "you're frowning on yourself since lately..." she whispers, as he mumbled. "i... i'm really bothered." he licked his upper lip, about to confess.

she blinks. "chanyeol?" 

"not just him, i just feel like we shouldn't drag it anymore." he whispers, seeing the change of expression on byulyi's face. "right now?" she asks, before he sighs in defeat.

she doesn't want that.

again.

"nah, don't mind me." he swung another bottle on his hand, peeling his arm off her chair as byulyi frowns. "we talked about-"

"that's why i told you it's fine." he speaks a little too harshly, making her bite her lower lip at the way his voice sounded. "you're going to-"

her attention was diverted away from him once again, hearing them laughing altogether. byulyi bit her lower lip, whispering. "jin."

"i told you i'm fine." jin replied, trying his best to hold himself back.

but...

he was getting a little irritated with the noise. both outside his head and inside, and even byulyi was insisting that he doesn't understand her point once again. he does, but sometimes- yeah like tonight, he couldn't.

"let's just go home." byulyi bit the inside of her cheeks, holding herself back as jin's eyes went wide. "what?" his voice a little too loud, catching heeyeon's attention. "this is not going to work if you're giving me that attitude." byulyi whispers, already annoyed.

"i'm the one who's giving the attitude?" he asks, as she scowls. "who is it supposed to be?"

"well, i was telling you that it's good but you're jumping to conclusions." jin mutters, making her murmur. "aren't you the one who's jumping to conclusions that's why you brought that up again?" she stood up, as he followed her gaze, horrified.

"that came from you!"

his voice was already loud, surprising everyone who's playing around.

byulyi bit her lower lip out of annoyance, not even bothering to bid good bye as she turns her heel away, walking out of the place without even speaking for the rest. 

sandeul's eyes were wide, turning to seokjin who was clenching his jaw while muttering. "sorry, we'll head home first." he stood up, not even batting an eyelash towards the rest as he followed byulyi out of the restaurant place.

"oh..." ken's eyes trailed towards them, whispering. "what happened?"

"they've been arguing since earlier." heeyeon murmurs, sighing softly. "let's leave them like that, they'll sort it out."

sandeul then clicks his tongue, muttering. "felt like i don't know them anymore, it's hard to get it out that they're already dating." he takes a sip of cola, turning back to the group to reassure them about the situation.

~

the ride home was silent.

it was deafening for the two. 

as soon as jin pulls over, byulyi was already preparing to jump out of the car. "you're really not going to say anything?" he speaks, as she huffs into thin air.

"i really don't get why you're still bringing up the idea of confessing so quickly when we've talked about it." byulyi gritted her teeth, crumpling her fist. "because i don't get it." seokjin clicks his tongue, looking out, voice already softening.

"what is it that you don't get, kim seokjin?" she frowns, "why do we keep acting as if this is fucking crime?" he exclaims, almost slamming his fist on the steering wheel, surprising byulyi.

"well, i'm sorry for thinking about-" byulyi was cut off, as he added. "thinking about our careers?" he already finished her decision, as she pursed her lips. "that's the point!"  byulyi hisses. "you're acting like a child!" 

"i told you to wait until we're ready to tell-" she wasn't able to continue.

"because most of the times, it felt like i was the only one enthusiastic about the progress of this relationship!" jin finally gives up, seeing her mouth hanging open in surprise. "what?" she knitted her brows, astonished at his conclusion. 

"i feel so desperate wondering when we'll get this out between the two of us, but it only ends up like chaos, covering it up." jin breathed deeply, seeing the tears forming on her eyes as she whispers.

"you're thinking that i'm not ready to risk this?" she almost whimpers at her question, as he gulps.

"well maybe you really are not." jin bit his lower lip, whispering as byulyi sarcastically laughs, avoiding her tears from falling.

"wow." she speaks in disbelief, "i can't believe that you're thinking like that about me all the time." she grips on his door handle, jin was flustered at his own thoughts as well.

"is it not worth the risk?" he asks.

"maybe, because risking it will mean letting this relationship go." she finally opens the door, muttering. "risking won't always mean winning, jin."

he was silenced.

"well maybe it wasn't worth risking if we'll stay on this safe place without growing." he whispers, as she pursed her lips.

she slams the door shut as soon as she moved away, leaving him inside without any words said.

and that was it.

the first fight that hurts like break-up.