Decalcomania | jjk.

One.

____________
Jungkook

"Alright, this will be our last song for tonight. Thank you all for coming. We love you and we purple you! " i said with bright smile, when first notes of 'Forever young' started playing.
I started to sing, high notes,coming from my mouth, as usual.
I am walking around trying to memorize as many faces as I can.

I lose it when I saw Namjoon with the corner of my eye. The wet warm tears were coming down his face, him struggling to wipe them of.
The feeling hit me, and I started to cry myself.
This night was the special one. It was the last concert of 'Love yourself' tour. I promised myself not to cry, since I was known as 'cry baby' of the group. Yet, I couldn't keep it.

I kneeled and made a super bowl, thanking the armies for their support,and Jimin hugged me to calm me down, although he need to chill too.
I went to the middle of stage, and we all hugged full of mixed feelings.

This tour meant a lot to each one of us. This was the ending and also begining of something. The fact that we made it out here, from nothing makes me really proud. I am proud of me and my brothers. I will never stop trying to be better, for my fans, family and brothers.

Once again we thanked armies, and went behind great screen. I glanced behind my back once again. I will never get tired of this, but my body showed different.
As soon as I got behind the stage I started to feel dizzy, as I collapsed to the sofa in the backstage. The dizziness lasted shortly. It happens everytime after the show, and it can get worse, so I didn't give much to it, since it became normal to me.

I got the large bottle of water, trying to satisfy my dry mouth, consuming as much as I can. Hobi set next to me wiping the sweat from his forehead:"You were great Jungkook, that hight note in the last song was sick! " he said tapping me on the shoulder.
"Thanks bro, I am trying, you were amazing too. " I answered smiling.
I was satisfied with my appearance, but I felt that I could do a lot more. The dance in "Fake love" was a bit off, I got out if rhythms at the end, and my voice was on the way to break at "The truth untold".
Those things shouldn't happen.
I am an idol, and I should act like one.

I snapped out, when the boys came to me.
" Alright, I swear I was going to cry if we needed to sing another song" Tae sighted while noona took his mic off.
'But you cried, we all saw it "Yoongi added causing all of us to laugh at Taehuyng.
" We all did, it is the last concert of the tour, but only I looked absolutely fabulous, WWH here"Jin said.
At instant Yoongi and Namjoon rolled their eyes.

"Guys you all did great, congratulations to all, you are free tomorrow, and don't forget to check your schedule after 13am! Goodnight! " manager said and Jimin added:
"Let's have partyyy! "
"How is it that you have so much energy? I am in tho"Yoongi said.

I wanted to celebrate but I didn't feel like there is anything to celebrate about. My body also felt a bit numb.

I said I will pass, and they knew this was usual from me so they just didn't bother to make me go.

For past few weeks I did feel a bit off but I didn't know what was wrong. That is why I passed all parties last days. As much that I loved Jin's dad jokes and Namjoons schooling around Jimin's and Tae's games, I simply did not wanted to spoil the fun with my bad moods.
And to be honest I had them a lot lately.

I went to my hotel room and set on the bed, watching the beautiful light in front of me.
The view from my room was stunning. The bridge was lightning in different rainbow colors every second and cars on it looked like tiny stars from distance.
I puted mask on my face and brushed my teeth. I knew that I need rest so I layed on bed and tried to sleep.
I just couldn't.
Maybe it's the clock.
Quickly I got up and took gold clock that was on my cupboard next to my bed. I turned it off as fast as I can realising that it was nearly four in the morning, glancing on my phone I saw that boys sent me a photo.
I smiled knowing that they are having great time, and closed my eyes again.
But again, like some force was pushing me, I need sleep so bad, but I couldn't do it.
I rolled a few times, changing positions all over again, and nothing seemed to help. I looked at my phone again, the brightness from the screen hits me, making me to close my eyes for second.
It's 05:30.

Well, there is nothing to be done. I decided to rewatch the concert again.
I took the laptop and went to e-mail.
Every concert is recorded and sent to each one of us, so we can see how it went, anytime we want.
I started to watch song by song.
The first one on the list: "Idol".

Let's see. I was good here, but I could do better. The mic fell of here. I repeat those 5 seconds where the mic is a bit down. The song sounds the same, but it could be bad if the mic went more down. I should have known better then this. I should've watched it.
What if it feel of?
What if I stepped on back dancer?
At second verse I was so close.
I writed down the parts that didn't work.
The next song: 'Magic shop'.
Alright, the first minute is ok.
Wait, here.
Why is this off? Oh god, I almost hit Suga.

You will never be him. Just look how is he perfect, look at his hair, look at that eyes!

Oh, shut the fuck up.
I hate him. By him I mean me.
The voice.
He always lurkes inside me, trying to insult me.
For past few weeks it only gets worse.
I usually ignore him, but it's getting me.

I look at the mirror, my hair is messy, my eyes are swollen. I am nothing like him.

See I was right. No matter how hard you try you will never be like him.

Shut up! I will prove to you. To everyone!
I turned the footage down and dressed up.
It's 7am, the sun is rising.

A

lright here is the first part.
Hope you like it.
The italic voice is Jungkook's inner self, kinda the conflict personality.
Thanks for reading! 💜
-cbp