To Be Child of God [A Merome Story]

✧Chapter 23✧

The next few days only confirmed my worst fears. Jerome continued to leave early in the morning, with myself being left behind half asleep and then leaping from bed to throw up in the bathroom. I felt exhausted all the time and even though I knew it was called morning sickness, the nausea never faded after the morning. I felt swollen and weird. My body just felt... wrong.

I think I knew that first morning, but it took almost a week for me to accept it completely. There was no other explanation for these symptoms other than being pregnant and when they didn't go away or even subside, I knew it had to be true. I first had to accept it myself before I could even consider telling Jerome, even though it was his baby.

Susanna kept an eye on me when she could, refusing to let me do any lifting or heavy work around the nursery and kitchen. She also refused to let me work for long than an hour or two at the time, forcing me to sit down whenever my face turned pale or I reached out to steady myself on something. It happened pretty often, waves of nausea washing over me, head fuzzy.

I had to tell Jerome. If I knew anything, it was that. He'd be able to help me sort the truth from the lies in my head, and help me work out a path for what I should do. If I knew anything else, it was that I definitely couldn't stay now. I could never raise my child here, not in an environment like this. I would never put this oppression and fear and loss on their shoulders.

But I didn't know what it was like out there. Would they be even more oppressive, hate me even more for who I was? Lachlan was living proof it wasn't like that. He seemed happy, free, unburdened by the weight they placed on us by being here.

I had to tell Jerome. I had to get out, but not without my sister.

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It was a difficult conversation. It was shock at first, I think, but the moment the realisation set in and the look in his eyes changed from blankness to determination, I knew he was going to ask me to leave. Now. And I had to break his heart by saying no.

"I can't Jerome..." I murmured, wrapping my arms around myself. "I'm not going without Faith. I can't leave her here, I won't."

"Mitch." Jerome said, hands coming up to grab my shoulders. "Please. I can't sit here and know it's not only your life on the line. It was bad enough before, this has just made it worse. We can get medical care out there, talk about the options. There isn't any options here."

"My only option is to stay." I croaked. "Until Faith comes with me. I won't leave her here, I can't. That man will kill her before he lets her leave."

"Which is why we need to go. He won't let her go Mitch, and she won't disobey him. I know how scary it is to leave her behind, you can't take everyone with you. You'll be leaving all your other siblings and friends behind. So will I."

"You don't get it, do you." I said quietly. "You have family out there. I don't. You've got a sister and aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. My whole family is here. If I leave, I'll never see any of them again."

Jerome was quiet. He knew he couldn't say anything. Sure his parents and siblings were here, but he had spent a few years outside the faith. He had family out there, siblings of his parents, children of those siblings. He was sure of the support system he had out there while I was completely in the dark. Lachlan was a shining light, but it wasn't enough.

I had to leave the room for a moment, standing out in the hallway with my arms folded across my stomach. The knowledge there was a baby growing in there scared me. I didn't want to be a mother. I didn't know if I ever would.

"Charity?" A voice called for me and I turned, surprised to see my sister there. I shouldn't have been, her room was only a few doors down from mine, but the fact she was talking to me was more of a surprise. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course."

Her belly was swollen now, pregnancy obvious. The way the dress she was wearing hung made it even more obvious and she was holding herself back on her heels. She looked exhausted.

"Outside?"

I followed her, where she led me around the back of the building and into the little garden around there. She never said anything until we were both seated and I had crossed my legs under my dress.

"Charity, I don't know what to do." She began. "I'm scared. I don't... I can't, I can't raise children with him. I especially can't raise a daughter with him."

It took me a few moments to comprehend what she was saying. When it did click I realised what she meant, that he had to be hurting or controlling her in some way. Some way specific to females, it was also about raising a daughter with him.

"Do you... do you think you're having a girl?" She nodded.

"I think so. I don't know, but I would be that unfortunate. He wants only sons, doesn't think daughters are good for anything other than housework. I wish to name her Amity but... I do not think he will agree to that name if she is a girl." She sighed deeply, rubbing her eyes with her palms. It was hard to remember sometimes that she was only 16. She was going to be a mother in only a few months.

"Faith, why is it you do not want to raise children with him?" I asked gently. "Is he... hurting you in some way?"

"I... would not put it that way. He is just... controlling. He does not let me do anything, he only lets me see certain people. If he becomes a father, I know he will only do the same thing for his children. He is still making me do everything too, even though I am struggling to walk."

"Oh Faith..." I breathed, reaching out to take her hand. "Darling..."

"I know what you have been doing Charity, at least I think I do. You plan on leaving, don't you?"

I didn't see any point in lying. I nodded. "Yes. But I want to take you with me. Bring you, your child. It's better out there."

Faith thought for a few moments. "I will go to our parents and tell them I am leaving Jacob. I will... see if I can come and find you. I do not know how it will go, but I believe I cannot stay anymore."

The mention of my parents startled me, but if this was her way of leaving then so be it. She was coming with me. We were going to get out.