Acumen: Riddling Life

Geneva, Switzerland (8)

The memories of Theo and I jumping around and playing here while we were young floods my mind, warming my heart and making me giggle.

I was so carefree and naïve back then.

Life was so easy when I was a kid.

And back then I thought adult life would be fun.

I take off my bag pack, find my phone, and text Theo I'm settled in my room.

I walk to the windows and push the curtains to the other side and look outside. The pool is glimmering under the sunlight, in the distance, the lake can be seen, with Jet d'Eua standing tall in the middle. In the far horizon, the blue of the lake melding with the blue of the sky.

I sigh and start unpacking, I don't know how long I'll be staying here or even where my next destination will be.

It makes me anxious, not knowing what my next step, my next destination will be, but I want this year to be challenging, I want to challenge myself so I can change.

I hope.

I push my doubts to the back of my mind as well as the dark and negative ones.

After finishing packing I fall back on my bed and in no time I'm in a deep slumber.

***

Day five

I wear a blue polo shirt and white pants, adjust my watch and glasses one more time before sliding on my bag pack and head out of the hotel room.

I feel as though I'm bouncing with every step out of excitement.

Last night I had dinner with my uncle's family, turns out Justin -one of my cousins- works at CERN.

It has been my dream since forever to visit there and I can't believe it's finally coming true.

The trip was decided too soon and I couldn't submit into one of their tours and I had lost my hope of ever seeing it.

I knew Justin was comparatively smarter than his other siblings, but I was never in touch with him, although Theo was and still is.

Maybe it's because they're the same age... or maybe it's because Theo is generally better at social interactions, at least compared to me.

I get in Justin's car and soon we are on the road.

I still can't believe I'm going to see CERN with my own eyes instead of seeing it from behind a TV or laptop's screen. The largest laboratory that studies particle physics, an organization for nuclear research, in short, they study the tiniest particles in the universe. Thinking about the time I saw the documentary of discovering Higgs still gives me goosebumps.

The drive from the hotel to CERN feels like a century-long drive, but then time is relative, and my watch would certainly disagree with this feeling. I highly doubt Justine would agree either.

After almost an hour -according to my watch, of course- we reach our destination.

He parks the car and we start to walk towards a brown spherical building.

The cold breeze caresses the exposed skin of my hands and face, but the excitement keeps me warm.

Thankfully Justin isn't the talkative type, or maybe Theo gave him a heads up.

He hands me a visit card and gladly put it on.

"I think you would like that," he says, pointing to a huge silver-colored sculpture, its ends curving in different angles.

We walk towards it and as we get closer I realize it's covered in black writings, and a bit closer I'm able to see all the mathematical equations and even physics equations and even chemistry!

I might have even taken a selfie, but I think that would look pretty embarrassing, and I just don't have the confidence and courage needed, even though I know I'll regret this greatly.

I push away these thoughts too and focus on the writings in black ink on the sculpture, occasionally asking the things I don't know from Justin and he kindly answers all of them.

I don't know how long I stand there but before start heading towards the building he suddenly says, "You can get as many pictures as you like Eleanor..." he trails down and looks around, "It's not like you'll be coming here every day." He suggests with a smile.

My first usual and obvious answer is no to these kinds of questions, but before I blurt out another no that I would later on regret it, I remind myself why I'm here in the first place and that singular reason and a great amount of willpower make me say yes, all the while ignoring my steadily rising heartbeat, loudly drumming in my ears and sweaty palms.

I hand my camera to him and he smiles widely and tells me where to stand before clicking a few pictures.

My very first step of coming out of my shell!

We head off to the office so he can submit the time he entered and then he starts introducing me to his friends.

Two of his friends decide to accompany us and we head out of the spherical building and walk towards ATLAS, where everything happened.

The back wall of the building even has a drawing of the tunnel and we actually catch a few pictures there too.

I don't know if there's something in the air or what, but I find myself slowly being able to live in the present, and be with them and join in their discussions without getting lost in my head in the whirlwind of my own thoughts.

"But imagine being here while they find a new particle, antiparticle, or even one of the main things that build up the dark matter," I say as we enter ATLAS.

"Or when they make a portal and accidentally send this whole set up somewhere in the quantum realm." Justin rolls his eyes.

"I would consider that a privilege," I say back.

"Yeah! Imagine being able to find new laws of physics or other worlds, that would be awesome!" Justin's friend says.

We get into the elevator and go underground.

The elevator stops and we all get out from it, our shoes loudly clanking as we start to walk on the floor that it's completely made out of metal.

The slow humming sound is soothing for my ears, giving me a sense of being alive.

Ironically for the first time in a long while I don't feel like an outcast. I feel safe, safe enough to be myself and voice my thoughts.

Seeing the particle detector up close it's a whole new level of experience. I hold my breath as I inspect it closely. I want to feel it under my fingertips but that won't be wise.

I wish I could land myself a job in here but I don't think I qualify for it, I won't be good enough for this place and then there is Mom on the other hand.

I shake my head and join in their discussion, with the little knowledge that the electromagnetics course during my B.E. has provided me.

+++

((I know nothing happened in this chapter but I felt I should show that she's trying to become better... Anyway, thank you for reading and if you liked the chapter do vote and feel free to comment anything you want.))