I am a love interest in a harem novel!?

Leila

I stood, unmoving, behind the large crowd that gathered by the lake. There were a lot of people standing by the dock. Everyone wore black and everyone looked equally melancholic. These were the people he'd helped. Or so I've heard from their sad whispers. When I thought I knew everything about him, it turns out I actually know nothing. He tried his hardest to be a good man and he was a good man... It's unfortunate that even in his death, he doesn't know this... Why didn't he realize there were people who'd shed tears for him? Even though he had helped a lot of people, was it not enough..? Does he have to take his own life..?

Why?

I don't understand...

I don't want to understand.

The strong wind passed by, blowing my hair in disarray. My black dress swayed with the wind, forming ugly creases as I stared ahead, unblinkingly. I couldn't care less. All I can feel is the cold and a harrowing hallowness that persisted in my chest.

Even as various colorful flowers bloomed here and there, the scenery felt cold and bleak... And even though the sun was high up in the sky, it was still cold.

"We thank the Lord for giving us the chance to meet an outstanding person... Mr. Uziel Axton will always be remembered in our hearts and in our memories..."

The words of the priest hovered over my head as I stared at the urn that held a once 6'3" man. How is that possible..? How is all of this possible?? Isn't that ridiculous..? Everything is just... ridiculous. But I don't feel humoured, at all. Not a single muscle moved on my face as I stared on and on at the proceedings before me. I stayed rooted to my spot as I felt my life slowly leave my body. 

Where did I go wrong..?

"I didn't know you came back." A familiar voice whispered beside me. From my peripheral view, I could see a white splotch of color to my left.

It must be Kassis. 

"...Life... is full of surprises." Apart from my lips, all of me remained motionless.

"...Indeed."

A long pause stretched between us, letting the parting prayer fill in between the silence. And with every word that came out of the priest's mouth, I felt a little bit weaker. 

"Amen..." Everyone, except me muttered in the end. I was somewhat preoccupied, wondering if this was the arrangement he'd asked for his funeral... Thinking of this, I just couldn't bear to utter the word.

"...If I had stayed...-"

"Miss Hughes. Don't blame yourself so readily... Our boss-" Kassis sighed. "...Axton had already planned this ahead even before you appeared."

I took a deep breath and gulped afterwards in an effort to remove the lump in my throat but it didn't go away.

No... That's not entirely true, is it? Otherwise I would not have been given the chance to control my life here as Rui Hughes. Otherwise I should have died that day... 

Otherwise, I shouldn't have met Uziel again...

I bit my lip and for a moment I thought tears were going to come out but my eyes remained dry like the desert. I guess I've cried all the tears I could cry last night.

"If you'll excuse me... I'm tasked to pour the ashes in the lake." He paused and looked at me before leaving my side.

My eyes never left the urn. I clasped my hands together tightly, holding the Lilacs that slowly began to wilt. Seconds later and it turned to dust.

It was gone...

How... How could something like this happen...? A full day has not even passed since I came back and this..? I know I wasted many months before coming back, but how am I ever going to accept this? I have my faults- I know that but even so...! Why does it have to happen while I was already on my way?? Why couldn't it have waited for one more day??? Even an hour would have been fine...