Trust [Lams AU]

22

Trigger warning: Body image mention, eating disorder mention, suicide/death mention

A/N: The book mentioned in this chapter when John is describing his drawing is called Lifestyles of Gods and Monsters by Emily Robseron. It's an amazing book and I highly recommend it. 

"Alexander, dinner is ready!"

Alex set down his notebook and went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He'd been in the middle of reading the first scene of Hamlet, which his English class had just started reading.

He planned to text John later to tell him all about it.

Given that John had changed his nickname from "Little Lion" to "Hamlet", Alex figured that this Hamlet guy had to be one hell of a character. He was excited to learn what all of the fuss was about.

Though, if Alex was being honest with himself, he preferred "Little Lion." He wondered when John would start calling him that again.

As Alex dried his hands off, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. He'd never really paid much attention to his appearance, had never been the one to spend hours in front of the mirror making sure that he looked perfect before going outside.

Sure, he knew what he looked like, but he'd never really looked at himself that closely. It didn't really matter to him. His body was just a vessel, a carrying case for all of his ideas. As long as his hands could hold a pen, the way he looked didn't matter. As far as he was concerned, he'd prefer it if he didn't look like anything at all. If he woke up tomorrow morning as a floating consciousness that could somehow hold a pen, he'd be totally fine with it.

Alex moved closer to the mirror, trying to get a better look at his reflection. His face looked strange. Sure, it had all the features he recognized: his brown eyes and thick eyebrows and brown skin, but he looked different, somehow. He looked older, more mature, like a grown man rather than the little boy he'd always seen himself as. It was strange. His own reflection was completely alien to him. He might as well have been looking at a stranger.

He moved his hair out of the way to get a better look at his face. His hair felt a lot healthier, and it looked shinier too. It had grown quite a bit since he'd last cut it. That was strange. His hair had always grown extremely slowly. His skin looked a million times better. Where his cheeks had once been covered in blemishes, his skin was smooth and mostly clear. He had some dark spots where blemishes had once been, but they didn't bother him. His overall complexion looked brighter, as though someone had injected him with liquid sunshine.

Alex turned to the side and lifted up his t-shirt slightly. He'd put on some weight. He was still a small person, that was the way he'd been born, but he definitely wasn't as skinny as he'd once been. He looked healthy. He looked masculine. Sure, he didn't look like a bodybuilder or anything like that, but he no longer looked like a frail little kid. Even his face looked wider.

Alex put his shirt back down and smiled to himself.

He wasn't bad-looking at all. If he saw someone who looked like him on the street, he might even think that they were attractive.

"Alexander, dinner!"

Alex turned off the light and walked downstairs, feeling good about himself for the first time in what felt like ever.

When Alex sat down at the dinner table, George and Martha had already started eating.

"Alexander, there you are. I was worried that you weren't coming down." Martha said.

"Sorry, I was doing homework. I kind of got caught up in Hamlet's first soliloquy."

"Oh God, you're reading Hamlet?" George said. "You better have some tissues nearby. You're in for a wild ride."