Promise (A VenturianTale Fanfiction)

Toast: The Child Expert (Somehow?)

They arrived at the house at around 6:40 AM, where Gertrude and Billy were outside, packed in several layers of winter clothes.

"Billy, sweetie, be careful! Papa-- well, Papa doesn't have enough money to pay for your injuries anymore.." Billy was hacking at a evergreen tree in the front yard with a strangely large axe. "Yes momma!" He replied happily. Toast sighed. He had always felt sympathetic for these people and once asked if he could donate a few dollars to them to pay for their insurance, but Johnny had turned it down, saying simply that Papa would misuse it. Toast got out of the car, grabbing his suitcase and Johnny's backpack. Gertrude beamed at the sight of them. "Oh, hi!" She waved, "Go on inside, Sally's making breakfast." Johnny gave her a thumbs up and followed an anxious Toast into the home.

"Ah! Papaaa!" A small pink figure rushed past them in a blur of color. "Papa! The waffles blew up!" "Shut up, Sally! Go wait for those P. I. E. freaks-- Aye! Get your filthy hands off me!" Sally bounded down the steps, this time screeching to a stop in front of the puzzled visitors. "Oh, hi! The waffles are.." She glanced at the kitchen, "Almost ready, just.. One moment.." She ran back to the kitchen, trying anxiously to calm the bellowing grey clouds that were emitting from the room. Toast dropped the bags and ran after her. Johnny chuckled. A born cook... And helper.

Shuffle, shuffle, BANG!

"Got it! Papa, look!" Billy was carrying the tree, with Gertrude holding most of the weight. "You need help, there buddy?" Johnny hoisted the tree from the middle, "Thank you, can you please help Billy set this up? I'll go get Papa." Billy beamed at Johnny, shaking the tree happily. "Papa says, that if the tree is sticky, than a lettuce squirrel probably pee'd on it." They set up the tree in the midst of Gertrude and Papa's argument and the smell of blueberry waffles. Toast and Sally walk in moments later, carrying plates of waffles and hash browns. "I wanted barbecue sauce with my waffles," Sally commented, "But Johnny said that he thought hash brownies would make a better sub-stee-toot." Papa appeared in the doorway of the dining room a few minutes after, seemingly surprised at how good the food actually looked.

"Didye' cook these waffles, Sally?" Papa said, poking the waffles cautiously. "No, Jo--" "Yes sir. Your daughter is a very gifted cook. I suggest you should provide her an education, so she can learn more in this department." Toast lied. Gertrude smiled, mouthing a small "thank you." Papa scratched his stubble. "Hrm. I'll consider it." Billy, who had wolfed his food down before everyone got a chance to sit down, was staring hungrily at a potted plant in the corner of the room. "Billy, no." Papa warned, "That plant cost me two Papa Acachalla dollars."

The group had gathered in the living room after breakfast at 12:00 PM to decorate the tree. Billy placed several balled-up candy wrappers on the tree as ornaments, whereas Sally strung cookies on thread to garland it. "Popcorn?!" Sally had shrieked when Toast asked about it, "Papa says that popcorn is too main-sweem, whatever that means." Gertrude hung shotgun shells, a dead owl, a piece of cloth with the faded name "Papa Acachalla" on it, and something Johnny couldn't really see without a magnifying glass on the branches. "The shells were from when I first met Papa, the owl was from last thanksgiving dinner, that shirt piece is Maddy's, and that was Sue's first chest hair." Toast, who was holding the hair during this conversation, dropped it and shrieked. Sally giggled, picking it up. "Sue's working at 7-11. I let her borrow my pink unicorn Barbie shirt!" Papa snorted. "Sue didn't deserve to work in the family business."

At around 3:20 PM, the tree was fully decorated. Sally, Toast, and Billy were outside in the backyard playing something that looked like "Kick the Can." Gertrude was preparing dinner, whereas Papa was doing some extensive "research" on his computer. "Can someone call Spencer to do this? This is exhausting." Gertrude smiled. Spencer was probably her favorite child. "Sure, honey! Ghost, dear, can you please let Spencer out of the basement?" "Why is he in the basement--" "Papa doesn't like his company."

"Are you sure this is safe, sir?" Toast cracked the basement door open a bit. Johnny nodded. "Yeah, seems safe, I guess." The basement was dark and cold, with particles of dust floating around that looked like it had been there for years. "Oh, sir... I don't think I like this.. I sense a 3.00279137 leveler around these parts." Johnny nodded in agreement. "Same. Must be something haunting the poor child."

"Hiss, hiss!" A skinny blonde child turned around the corner, clawing furiously at the air. "Who.. W-Who has displaced 600 pounds worth of my oxygen? The atoms in my area seem to be moving faster than usual, must be abnormal body heat temperatures!" The boy pointed a shaky finger at Toast, "Y-You! British man! You look like a intelligent life form. Fetch me some more baked celery sticks! And you!" He said in a raspy voice, "You! Tell Gertrude... Tell her that the wifi.. Sucks! On a scale of one to ten, the wifi suck level is at vacuum cleaner!" Spencer rounded the corner again, followed by the crinkling sounds of cellophane. "Spencer--" Spencer cringed. "That's The Mighty Spencer, to you, human!" "Fine, Mighty Spe-" "Ah, no! The Mighty Spencer." "Sir, I could just help Papa with--" "The Mighty Spencer, we need your help to assist Papa in researching on the computer." Spencer cringed at the mention of Papa. "Hm. I'll think about it. If it means--" "He wants you out of the basement." "Awesome! Er, okay, I guess. Will they have--" "They'll have food." "Is it--" "No, it's not waffles." "Okay. Fine. Lead me to the catastrophic wasteland you call 'the Surface,'"

Gertrude was waiting for them at the basement door. "Hey, you survived! That's good, but where's Spencer?" Spencer stepped in front of Toast and Ghost. "Quite an interesting settlement. The air seems.. Different." He took in a long, deep sniff. "And I detect new cologne scents. Is that..." He sniffed again, "Old Spice? If so, Old Spice is totally outdated, the silly commercials did it for a while, but other than that, it died off in 2012. So stop using it." Toast laughed nervously, backing up against the nearest wall in the seemingly only section without dust or dirt layering it. Gertrude, after recovering from Spencer's rant, clapped merrily, retrieving her cheery self again. "Well, Spencer, Papa's right in the living room, you can head on in there right now." She watched Spencer leave, and lead Toast to the kitchen, where Sally and Billy were tripping over themselves to get their somehow dirtied hands washed. Ghost, had being standing alone in an almost pointless room, decided to get their luggage upstairs in the guest bedroom. He had made it all the way upstairs with the darn heavy bags when he realized that he didn't know where the guest bedroom is. And even if there were one, why is he bringing up his stuff? He'd be sleeping on the couch or something. Where the heck does this family sleep?