+Bad Catholics+ Frank Iero

+17+

Frank took us to the other side of town. It didn't take all that long, considering Belleville wasn't that big. It was unlike me to not ask him where we were going, though it was even more unlike me to ask him to take me anywhere in the first place. As long as it wasn't my house, it didn't seem to matter to me. It was like I was chasing comfort, even though it's impossible to catch a feeling like that. I learned eventually that you just end up running forever.

We pulled up to a large empty gravel lot attached to a road pull off. I looked out of my window and didn't recognize where I was, I just knew it was the emptier part of town with more land than homes, which could be hard to come by in Jersey.

Frank killed the engine without a word and got out of the car, myself following suit. It was one of those unusually warm fall days, though most of the color in the trees had bled from green to orange. I silently wished that I could notice things like that more often, instead of being so focused on everything that was going so terribly wrong.

"Follow me," Frank looked back at me and smiled.

I bit my lip and shut my door, wondering if I would regret this, the familiar nervous energy finding its way back to me again. I couldn't seem to make my spurts of boldness last for more than a few minutes.

"Where are we?" I finally asked, jogging to catch up with him.

"Another one of my favorite places, you'll see. It's just past this clearing," He said, leading the way through some short, mostly dead bushes in the small patch of woods at the edge of the gravel lot.

We came out on the other side to a small lake surrounded by a few ledges, a bridge over a portion of it about twenty feet from where we emerged. Just like the city ridge where we watched the sunrise, it was another picturesque place right under my nose that I had never seen before.

"It's pretty," I said softly, following Frank to the bridge.

The water was calm. Something about that and the warmth of the air made it feel like a summer day.

"So what are we- Frank! What are you doing!?"

I looked over at him in the middle of asking my question, and saw that he was wrestling his pants off, his shirt already on the ground. I tried my best not to look like I was horrified, but I knew I wasn't doing that good of a job.

"C'mon scardy cat, it's on the list," Frank laughed, now stripped down to his boxers.

"Frank, absolutely not, what are you even-"

Before I even had the chance to finish, he was already standing on the wooden railing. I didn't realize how many tattoos he had until then. Embarrassingly enough, i'm not sure I had ever seen a man without his shirt on in general before.

"Frank get down! Please!" I began to panic, not knowing how deep the water was.

"Gotta come catch me!" He yelled.

In the blink of an eye, he was already falling down to the water. I let out a scream and ran to the railing just in time to see the big splash his body made, craning my head down in search of him. He came back up quickly, already laughing as he wiped the water out of his eyes.

"Frank what is wrong with you!?"

"Come on, it's fun! It feels great in here," He yelled back up casually, beginning to backstroke in circles.

Flustered, I tucked my hair behind my ears and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I'm not doing that. I don't have a swimsuit," I protested.

"Who cares? There's no one here, just get in."

"You're here..." I muttered to myself, slowly backing away from the railing.

I would have thought going to a party was at the very top of my list of things I wanted to do the absolute least, but it turns out that taking my clothes off in front of someone was just a bit higher than that. It's not like I hadn't ever thought about it before- but not in a "this will happen someday" way. More in a "that's what happens to normal girls that aren't afraid of everything" way. Not only that, I didn't exactly picture it happening out in the open on a bridge. Certainly not with Frank being the one to see.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe this didn't even have much to do with the rules I set for myself. It might have had to do with just being plain old shy.

"Come on Mae, if you can climb that railroad bridge like it's nothing you can jump off this bridge," Frank yelled.

And there it was- he remembered.

It's not like I expected him to forget as much as I was just hoping he would. Maybe I just wanted him to pretend like it never happened like I did. I took in a deep breath and looked up into the clear sky, wondering what was making me bend so easily. I felt trapped in a corner after what he said, and it sort of felt like the illusion I had created for myself shattered right in front of me.

My hands trailed up to the buttons of my blouse and began undoing them, trying not to wince at the thought of anyone seeing me. After spending so long trying my best to be unseen, I felt that someone seeing my body was the most vulnerable I could possibly be. The thought of just saying no and leaving crossed my mind, but the only place I could go was one I didn't want to think about.

The whole point of coming here was to distract myself, I thought. This is... definitely distracting, I guess.

I peaked down below as I peeled my blouse off to see if Frank was looking, but he was merely swimming around as if nothing strange was happening. That made me feel a little better, somehow- I at least knew that he wasn't doing all of this just to be a creep.

I stripped down to only my bralette and underwear, and although I felt completely exposed, it was a tiny bit liberating at first.

Okay Mae, you can do this, I thought, approaching the railing and hoisting myself onto it.

My body wobbled a bit as I slowly stood all the way up, my bare feet balancing on the beam. The water suddenly looked much further away once I was standing there, and I felt a drop in my stomach. The railroad bridge might be high up, but it's not something I had to jump from. This was a lot different. I could feel myself beginning to have second thoughts.

"Frank this is really high," I sputtered, my hands held out to balance myself.

Frank quit paddling around and turned to look up at me. It might have been all in my head, but I could have sworn I saw his eyes quickly graze down my body and back up to my face before he gave me a soft smile. One of deep thought.

"I promise you, you'll be fine. Just do it," Frank yelled back at me.

"You promise?" My voice shook.

"I promise."

I took a few deep breaths as I looked down again, my heart pumping.

"Oh god oh god oh god-" I bent my knees.

"Just jump!" Frank screamed in between laughs.

 I let out a scream as I pushed my feet off of the railing, and before I knew it I had jumped from the bridge and plunged my body into the water below.