Domineering

Twenty-Five

"River" someone says my name but I barely hear it, trapped in my own little world that I refuse to come out of. A world where everyone is happy and everything is positive. Death and sadness don’t exist in this world. The lack of death and sadness means Harry Styles isn't there either. Unlike he is now, tapping on the bathroom door and calling my name. I don't reply, fascinated with the way the light from the bathroom window is reflecting off the water in the bath I'm sat it. The knocking ceases, but not for long.

"River I'm coming in" Eleanor says, and I don't object- this is the third day of this routine. "Up you get" she encourages after pulling the plug and holds up a towel for me to wrap around my body.

She leads me back into the bedroom and sits me on the bed. I sit silently as she runs a paddle brush through my hair. Once my hair is detangled she lays out some clothes for me to wear, telling me that she'll wait outside and to shout if I need anything. I dress in the jeans and sweater then sit back on the bed.

I don't know how she's holding herself together. I haven't seen her cry once. She was grabbed by an unknown man and a few bruises litter her skin from his firm grasp. God knows what else he did in the time it took for him to come for me.

I, on the other hand, have nothing. Other than a man's death on my hands.

My chest tightens and I scream out for Eleanor as I struggle to breathe and begin to have a panic attack. I collapse to the floor. Eleanor is by my side within seconds, rubbing my back soothingly and whispering calm words to me. She places one of my hands on her chest so I can steady my breathing.

"Eleanor" Harry's voice is full of worry. She gets up and her arms are replaced by Harry's. He lifts me up and places me on the bed. "It's okay, you're okay" he whispers as he rubs my back. My breathing has steadied but tears continue to fill my eyes and spill down my cheeks. I shake my head at him and curl up into a ball.

"Harry" I whine, reaching out for him.

"I'm here, you're okay" he repeats over and over again in a low voice as he rubs my back.

But it isn’t enough. Images of the man grabbing Eleanor and the bullets hitting the door fill my mind. I sit up, instantly wrapping my arms around Harry's neck as the need to be held and comforted overwhelms me.

"Make it stop" I whine into his neck as his arms wrap around my waist.

"I've got you...I'm not going anywhere...You're safe... just take a deep breath"

"I killed someone" I whisper, almost inaudible. “Please don’t shout at me, please” I whisper, scared that he’ll me angry at me “I didn’t want to kill him”

"Shh, I've got you"

For now, I let it go. Only because I want this moment to last forever. Being in Harry's arms is the most at home I've feel for a while. Right now, they're the only thing holding me together.

I can’t tell you how long we sat like that, bodies pressed together and arms wrapped tightly around one another, but eventually Harry pulled away slightly.

“Uh..you should eat something...We ordered pizza for dinner, do you want some?” I nod at him and he continues to pull away. “Stay here, I’ll get us some”

“No no, don’t leave me” I grab onto his arm to make him stay.

“I’ll be two seconds” he insists but I refuse to let him leave, because when I’m on my own I have time to think. And all I can think about is the man...that I killed.

“I’ll come with you” I say quietly and get up from the bed. He stares at me, as if he’s contemplating something but lets it go. I move my hand from his arm and take his hand in mine, letting him lead me downstairs where there are more people than I expected there to be.