REUNITED ~ STEVE ROGERS [4]

Chapter Seven

It was strange, being back in my old room. Virtually nothing had changed, except for a fine layer of dust that was covering everything. My paints, drawing books, easels and astronomy books were exactly as I left them. I had thought they might put everything into storage and use the room for something else. There was an unfinished mural on the wall, that I had started when I was 15, and had never completed. Maybe I would be able to complete it now.

The attendant who accompanied me, whose name I discovered was Meera, apologised profusely for the 'mess', but I told her it was nothing. I was just glad to be back in my own space. Meera was from the Merchant Tribe and had been handpicked by the chief to be my attendant for the duration of my stay. She was a strong wee thing, with round, full lips and wide, caramel brown eyes. She was shy, and always seemed to want to impress me, which was sweet, but completely unnecessary.

"Your Highness, is there anything you would like me to bring to you? Something to drink, perhaps?" she asked timidly, hands clasped together in front of her. I sat in an ornate woven chair on the balcony, facing the city. I turned to look at her. I wasn't used to being waited on. It was like diving headfirst into an old memory.

"Uh, no. its fine. You could light me a cigarette though. If that's ok," I asked, too tired to get up and retrieve them from the table myself. Meera bowed deeply and did what I asked. I felt somewhat uncomfortable. I didn't deserve the respect she was showing me.

"Thank you, Meera," I said gratefully, smoke drifting from my lips. She bowed again.

"You're welcome, Your Highness," she said softly. I chuckled but stopped when a sharp pain dug into my ribs.

"You don't have to call me Your Highness. I would prefer Keight. Its less formal," I suggested. Her eyes grew wide. She looked absolutely mortified with my suggestion.

"I could never, Your Highness. It would be a dishonour to you," she bowed again.

Yikes.

"It really wouldn't," I said, tapping my foot on the floor. "Look, let's say, if you ever feel comfortable calling me Keight, then feel free. If you don't, I guess I'll just have to get used to it." I tried to smile, but maybe it came out more of a grimace because Meera quickly flashed a nervous grin and dashed away, closing the door behind her.

I sighed and went back to looking out at the cityscape. I could hear the chorus of sounds, voices and music and people living their lives.

I fiddled with the EMP beads wrapped around my wrist. T'Challa had given me my old ones back, with Shuri's update, of course. They were smooth and worn, and I felt oddly at peace with them resting against my skin.

Right now, T'Challa would be visiting the ancestors for guidance, now that he was King. Which meant he would see Father again. Jealously, like a poison, crept into my chest. It burned. I felt its bitter taste on my tongue. What I would give to see my Father again, to tell him I loved him, to forgive him and to say sorry.

I needed Steve back. And I couldn't say it out loud, but I needed him, like I needed oxygen. I felt breathless without him, like I would fade away into dust if I didn't have him near me. I unfolded the picture of us he had given me, and let my eyes wander over his face. He hadn't looked that happy in a long time. I had come to rely on him. He was a pillar, a foundation, not just for me but for the Avengers as well. Every moment I wasn't near him was a moment I crumbled a little more.

But maybe I needed to let that go. Maybe I needed to learn to feel at home here again, without him, with my brother and sister. And mother.

Maybe I needed to reunite. Move on from the Avengers and let myself be a part of a family again.

And maybe learn to love myself in the process.

There was a knock at the door. I twisted my head around. Meera stood just inside the door, hands locked together in front of her.

"Yes, Meera?" I asked. Her lower lip shook, just slightly.

"The Queen Mother to see you, Your Highness," she said meekly, and disappeared out the door as my mother swept in, her presence filling the whole room. I rolled my eyes and turned back around, staring out at the city. I felt her sit in the seat next to me, and her gaze on me. I shifted uncomfortably, my right arm in its cast digging into my ribs.

"Khethiwe, my daughter. How are you feeling?" she asked, her eyes boring into me. I refused to look at her, instead squinted in the bright sunlight.

"Worse, now that you're here," I mumbled, just loud enough for her to hear it. I could see her frown out of the corner of my eye.

"There is no need for such attitude, Khethiwe," she scolded. I turned to face her.

"Would you call me Keight, please?" I sighed, looking out the window again.

"Why? Your name is . Why do you reject your Wakanden heritage so swiftly?" Her voice was harsh, twisted with bitterness.

"What Wakanden heritage, Mama? I am not of Wakanden blood. Nothing makes me worthy of that name." I spoke roughly, hot tears pricking my eyes. I had not felt worthy of my royal name in a long time, and probably wouldn't for a long time to come.

"You are my daughter. That alone, makes you worthy. You may not have my blood, or your brother's blood, but I have chosen you to be my family. Even your name, Khethiwe, tells the world you are chosen. Why can you not see that?" Her hand rested on my arm. It trembled ever so slightly, and when I finally looked into her eyes, they were sad, and lonely. Where there had been fire once, there was now only ashes.

"I have done things. Terrible things. I have violated every moral code of this family, of this country. I am a criminal. They are hunting me, Mama, and they are hunting my friends, and yet, where am I? Sitting in comfort, watching the sunset." A single tear rolled down my cheek. Mama wiped it away with her finger.

"You are loyal to your friends. I see that. But your home is here, with your family. And you are not strong enough to help them." She cupped my face in her hands. I looked into her eyes, seeing the lines around them. Such worry on such a beautiful face.

"Why me, Mama?" I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall.

"Because you are strong. You carry too many burdens, my child. You have done so much." She cradled me close, like I was a child again. I let her.

"I love someone, Mama, and it hurts. Why does it hurt so much?"

"It hurts because it is real."

I saw Steve in my head, and it was like a raging fire.

"I want to be a family again."

Mama pressed her forehead to mine, and I leaned into her, craving an embrace.

"We all do, child. Rest now. You have earned it."   

Authors Note

Surprise, a double update! This chapter is dedicated to  @Ayegorl 

I was feeling generous so here's a really emotional scene i wrote that actually made me cry, you're welcome. Comment your thoughts and stay safe x

~JJ