Trying Not To Love (COMPLETED)

Chapter 19 ✅

I scrolled back up, going through his personal information-- which wasn't much just basics about him. I slid through piles and piles of photos. Some with Elliot, most of them with Jeanette and couple of his own selfies.

Damn!

I bit my lip and selected to open the one where he was smiling looking in the camera and his eyes were dancing with excitement? Humor? Mischief?

It was a selfie of his till his waist. He was wearing a peach collared t-shirt, his hair long and slicked back.

So once upon a time, he did have long hair. Heat swelled in my chest as I stared at his picture, chewing on my lip. It felt like he would any moment blink and then smirk at me.

My heart was pounding like drums being played in a rock song. Loud and fast.

I traced a finger along his jaw to his tiny mole- through the screen not to forget.

I couldn't do this. It was wrong for so many-- like soooo many reasons. Most important being he was in love with Jeanette and by doing all this I was going to hurt myself.

So, I took a deep breath and to save myself the agony of inevitable hurt, I closed the picture and then deleted my account. Looking at the screen being shut off, I rolled over to my stomach and kept the laptop aside.

I jumped off the bed and walked out, making sure he wasn't there. I knew I couldn't ignore him forever but, in that moment I didn't want to see him. After all I'd just stalked the guy and read that his favorite color was black, he didn't like reading books at all, he loved cars, and was in relationship with Jeanette Zanders. There, the truth of the universe.

I strolled downstairs checking on Tabby who was just coming out of the bathroom with her hair in a towel.

I laughed and left her room before she could say a thing. Next I visited Alden but, stopped just as I opened the door.

His back to me, he held his phone to his ear while the other hand clutched the punching bag.

"I know that for fuck's sake!" His voice sounded annoyed and angry.

Heat swept across my face. Something was wrong.

"Yeah well, whatever! I get it. I know..."

I didn't like overhearing the conversation so I left.

I trudged down the hall, I heard Jamey's cry.

My heart jumped in my throat and I rushed, opening his door.

"Shit!" I ran to his bed, grabbing him by the shoulders. He was flailing on his bed, sweat tearing down on his face. His face pinched in worry.

"It's okay... you're okay. I'm here." I chanted in his ear. Usually dad handled him during this time.

Freaking out, I kept chanting the words dad did but, it didn't seem to work. His face was crimson and it felt like someone was tugging at my heart. Tears streamed my cheeks, as I yelled for Alden.

The door flung open and not Alden rushed inside.

"What's happening to him?"

"He..." I swallowed, rocking him while he kept thrashing, wincing, and breathing heavily.

Easton knelt down, staring right into my eyes, "Let me handle him."

He took Jamey in his arms as I stood up, and spoke the same words dad used to and which I too just did but with so much calm as if Jamey wasn't on the verge of breaking apart.

I placed a hand on my mouth to stifle a sob and watched while he clutched Jamey to him and slightly rocked speaking the comforting words.

Ever so slowly, Jamey started to calm down, his breathing getting even. I backed up against his bed wall, tears running down my cheeks.

My heart was literally in my mouth.

Jamey completely calmed down and slowly opened his eyes. He blinked couple of times and looked at Easton and then at me.

"What's wrong?" He asked in a groggy voice.

"Nothing. I just saw you un-tucked and it was cold so came in. Goodnight buddy." Easton tucked him in and he nodded, his half opened eyes shutting close.

I rushed out the door and down.

A hand grabbed my arm and without thinking I twirled around and grabbed him, tip toeing, and wrapping my arms around his neck.

Breathing his strong and sweat scent, I tried to hold my overflowing tears.

I could feel our heart thudding rapidly and frantically. His arms came around me, pulling on me tighter.

His one had rested on the back of my head while other surrounded my waist. "Shhh..." His voice was soft and made me shiver all the way down to my toes.

"He's fine..." I nodded against his chest, not ready to let him go. Right there in his arms was something I had never felt before. At home. It was cheesy and absurd but true. He felt like home did before mom died.

His hand roamed around my back, while I pulled away but he kept me close, not letting go.

I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and met his beautiful eyes, already starting to lose myself in them.

His hand on the back of my head came around and his thumb gently swiped off my tears. Our faces only inches from each other because he was leaning down.

"He's fine." He repeated as if I didn't hear him the first time.

I nodded, licking my dry lips. "I just... I got so scared. Dad used to do handle him. Just like you did."

He nodded, swiping his thumb across my cheek for invisible tears. "My Nanna had them too."

And I knew that was the best I would get from him. I nodded. He continued, staring deep into my eyes, "You had to be calm when you say those words. Or they won't listen."

I nodded.

I realized our closeness and the way we were standing. I untied my arms from his giving him the clue of letting go and he did.

The cold hit me hard, knocking the air out of me. I had only started to get used to his amazing warmth when I'd to let go. Maybe this was the reason I liked him. He had a side I was desperate to uncover. I wanted to get to know this Easton. The Easton who realized his mistakes, who had gone through the loss of someone like I had. The Easton who had went through a dark phase like I had four years ago. We had more than one thing in common.