Crazy Love (mxm)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Carter's POV

The hospital was a blur of bright lights and talking people. The whole place was cold and I wasn't even wearing shoes.

James had left a long time ago. He'd mentioned something about Dillon getting him, but I hadn't been able to process all of his words. I was a terrible parent for missing him, but I did. It was scary to be alone while my son was in the ER.

He was fine, I knew that much.

The doctor's had explained to me what happened: he sustained a head injury, the side of his head, from a knife. He was lucky that it was shallow. But head wounds bleed a lot, and hurt a lot, so he'd bled and bled and then passed out.

I held Ronan's hand as they cleaned his wound and closed it with surgical glue. He was crying steadily, but he didn't make noise anymore. He'd woken up at the hospital after passing out from the shock, and he'd been tough as nails ever since.

Hours later, it was all over. My parents were both waiting for us and I broke down all over again. I hated myself for crying, though. Ronan had been so strong throughout the whole thing and then he had to watch his dad cry.

Ronan and I went home with my parents. We slept in the same bed and I probably clung to him way too hard, but he never complained.

The next day, I woke up to Ronan poking my face. The moment I stirred, he beamed. "Daddy!" I wrapped my arms around him and held him close.

Shit. I was terrible.

"Can-can we pway with gamma?" he chirped, blue eyes bright and happy. It was like nothing happened at all.

"Sure," I agreed, trying not to look at the wound on his head. "Does your head hurt, peanut?"

He shrugged. "Witte bit. Um. Can-can I haf the iPad?"

I smiled. It shouldn't surprise me at all that he was barely affected. Ronan was probably the toughest kid in the world.

We had breakfast with my parents and they didn't ask any questions. I knew I'd have to answer them eventually, but I couldn't right now.

I was a terrible father.

I'd become exactly what I had always feared. I'd let my trust and — and my love — for a guy, get in the way of my love for my son. I hadn't watched out for Ronan the way that I should have. I'd trusted James far too much.

I didn't even think that something could go wrong. Sure, I'd known he was drunk. But...it was James. James loved Ronan. James was the kindest person in the entire world.

But he was still drunk, and drunk people weren't aware of their surroundings. They were slow to react. They were careless.

I texted James without reading any of the messages he'd sent. I knew it was cruel to do, but I was too stressed and overwhelmed.

Me: I'm sorry, I need some space.. I'll text you when I'm ready. Ronan's okay. I know you're worried about him

A week went by and I turned my phone off completely. I knew that I was getting calls from James and probably Dillon. Maybe even my friends, or the women from the Mommy and Me group and Billy.

I felt bad for the people who weren't James, and didn't know why I was doing it, but I needed time with my son. And I needed to think clearly without James' texts and calls clouding my judgement.

Instead, I surrounded myself with a bubble of Ronan. We did everything together, which was not a good way to treat a kid who was going to preschool in a week. But I didn't care. I took him to get ice cream, I took him to the park, I took him on walks.