The God Complex: The Book Of Alan, Destroyer Of Worlds

Chapter Fifty-Five

He had it all - everyone he ever cared about on the Archangel ready to head out and explore the universe together. Then God reappeared and gave them this Paradise, but what was Paradise if not just another form of sedation and control. How was it any different to S News: showing him what he wanted to see instead of what he needed to know? He'd risked everything to end Abaddon's network, but with Paradise he just walked right on in. Where was the 'opt out' button? This was no more living than Monkey's induced coma - it was the illusion of life; the negative of a photograph of life. He had to get out. He had to get back to the Archangel and find Pembo that way - that was the only way he could be sure.

'Now you're cooking, kid,' laughed Levi. 'So, how you gonna break the mirror, how you gonna shatter the dream, how you gonna let that self-righteous God of yours know, you don't need him to make yourself scream.'

'I don't know,' said Gabe, thoughtfully. 'I guess, deep down, if getting out is the only thing that will make me happy then my subconscious must already be fighting against Paradise to help me.' He looked over his shoulder, his stomach in knots, to the shadow sitting at the back of the bar. 'But Paradise isn't going to make it easy to leave. It's going to make me face the one thing I've been running from all these years.'

'I been inside your mind, boy, I know what haunts your dreams. Thirteen years of guilt and confusion has you breakin' at the seams.'

Nate got up from his seat and walked silently past Gabe and out the door. Gabe knew he had to follow and he knew where he was going. He downed the rest of his drink and dearly wished he had had more.

'It's time to say goodbye, kid, but you gotta go alone, cause in this machine you'll stay eighteen and never make it home.'

Without looking up Gabe shuffled his way out the door, the night air chilling his cheeks - he'd been crying. He didn't want to look at his brother, but whenever he looked up all he saw was him walking away and another twisting stab of guilt crippled his insides. The first spots of rain landed on his face.

Without a word, he followed him out of the small strip of bars, back out of the shimmering turquoise lake of Planet Battenberg and back into his own personal paradise.

On the bank of the great lake now rested a small fishing boat - old, creaking and oarless as a fine rain swept in. Nate stepped onto the boat and waited for Gabe. When he sat, the boat drifted out across the lake of its own volition, Gabe didn't need to look up to know their destination, he knew it intimately despite never having set foot on its lands. The ocean was mercifully calm though more clouds gathered as they reached the shore. Stepping foot onto the wet, jagged rocks of Guilt, he had to stop for a moment - it was crippling. Ahead of him lay the rain-soaked car park of his nightmares, awash with grey - his fingers now numb with cold were thrust into the already drenched empty pockets of the denim jacket he was now wearing as he watched his brother walk past Wendy, standing sad and alone in the middle of the car park, and into the long abandoned hospital through the double doors.

Wendy's hair was soaked and her make up still smeared down her face, still twisted with the same rage as it was that morning thirteen years ago, screaming out her tear-soaked hurt.

'You did nothing!' she screamed at Gabe. 'You did nothing!'

After the gig, they stayed in the bar drinking a little longer. As it thinned out, Wendy started to get tired so they called it a night. As they walked out the bar they were still making fun of Gabe and the hot sting of stupidity was glowing his cheeks red. Walking through the car park, Gabe could see figures approach in the distance, calling out to them - then their calls became yells as more figures approached, blocking them from getting to their car. Nate immediately put himself in front, shielding them from the approaching gang, masked with balaclavas, carrying bricks and pipes. Gabe froze with fear, only able to watch as the men rounded on Nate until it became a confusion of arms swinging wildly in all directions. Wendy screamed at him to help, to do something, anything, but all Gabe could do was stand there, terrified - he did nothing to help his brother from this merciless attack - an attack he started; an attack meant for him. Then he saw the mosaic of brick and blood under his brother's lifeless head and the sound of boots on concrete running off into the night. Then all he heard was screaming, a heart-wrenching scream as he remained frozen to the spot - his brother's lifeless body twisted on the floor in front of him.