Emotionless (Tododeku)

💚Im A-OK💚

~Dekus POV~

I woke up startled in my bed. Was it a dream? No it couldn't have been. I can feel the cuts on my legs. It was bright outside and I saw my arm in bandages. But not the ones I used. They were thicker and I could feel a goo under it. The same thing was on both of my legs. "Midorya!" Said a startled voice in the doorway. I looked up to see todoroki in the door, his eyes filled tears.

Shit! What do I do! What do I do! He's crying because YOU hurt him! YOU did this to him! "I'm so glad your ok! You had me so worried! Please promise me you'll never do that again!" Said the young teen in the doorway, his hands over his mouth. I was speechless. I can't believe I let him find out. It was all my fault and now he's hurt! I couldn't help but break into tears.

He rushed over to me and gently embraced me. It felt so good but I know I don't deserve it. "P-Ple-Please d-d-Don't tell anyone" I said though my tears. He hesitated "do you promise to stop?" He asked hugging me even tighter. No of corse not. As soon as he stopped worrying about me I could go back to my life. My life is fine and I don't need to stop. "Y-Yes I pro-promise!" I lied. I felt bad lying but I couldn't burden him anymore.

"When I was younger I was also in a bad place like you" I can understand that, especially with his past. I hope I don't trigger him "I still have my scars. I never cut as much as you though. You scare me Midorya, I was so worried when I found you but I'm so glad your safe" see he even told you you scared him. Your hurting him. I cried a bit more. I tried to stop but Shoto was being so patient. I could tell he really understood me.

"Your ok now" he wispered stroking my back. At that moment I felt so good. "T-thank you" I whispered. "How long has this been happening?" He asked removing his embrace and taking my hands in his. "E-ever since mom died a-and I move- moved in with m-my uncle" I replied between my shaky breaths.

"Just breathe. Take your time" I took another deep breath." He looked into my eyes "Does he hurt you?" I didn't know what to respond and started to cry a bit more. "Hey, it's ok, your ok, I promise I won't let him hurt you." He leaned in and embraced me warmly once more

I didn't want him to leave but I knew it was selfish to think like that. "Doesn't your dad want you home now? I asked todoroki when we had both calmed down. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" He asked. I did, I really did but I already hurt him, and I don't want him to morn when I "take a swan dive off the roof" as kachan puts it. It's fine you should go and we have school t-tomorrow" I said as he lifted his warm embrace "ok" he looked at me for so long I wondered if I had something on my face.

He then leaned into me and pressed his warm lips on mine. It was just a moment and it felt so good. He released his lips. I was blushing a deep re. Faggot. What's wrong with you. Why can't you be normal! "I love you" he whispered softly in my ear. "Please take care of yourself and call me if you ever need help" he got up and left. It felt so good. I was so happy. But I couldn't worry about that. I let out a sigh of relief and reached for my box cutter. It wasn't there. I needed it! He must have taken it!

~Todorokis POV~

I felt so bad for Midorya. I had gone though a stage like that to. My sister got my dad to get me therapy. I didn't want to leave him but I knew personal space might be what he needed. I took his box cutters and I trusted that he would keep his promise. I didn't know what to do about his uncle so I made him promise to call me when he got home.

~Dekus POV~

I leaped out of my bed silently and waited for the front door to shut. Once it did I ran onto the kitchen and grabbed a sharp kitchen knife. I unraveled the bandages and dig the knife into my wrist. I hadn't cut my wrist yet. I didn't want people to notice if I stretched my arm to far. I did it multiple times on each wrist. Every time I let out a sigh of relive. I'm the end I probably made 30 or so small, but still deep cuts.

~Time skip to Monday~

I walked into school with a smile. Not because I was happy. But I needed everybody to think I was happy. Todoroki called me a lot yesterday. I knew he would just come over if I didn't pick up so I did. We talked a lot and I actually felt good with him. Just a bit. My uncle came home late and fell asleep on the couch, probably drunk.

I ate today. Just lunch but I didn't throw it up. It wasn't because I was getting better. I just thought I might as well have my last meal be a good one. Todoroki talked to me a lot today and made sure I was alright. When I was with him I almost felt like I was alright.
but that's no excuse for my pathetic self to live.

I had planned it all out Saturday. I was going to jump off my apartment roof tonight. I was thinking about doing it at school but someone might be up there. And with everyone at the dorm I wouldn't be able to do it with no one catching me.

After class I walked to my locker when I heard kachan behind me. "DEKUUUUU! DAM NERD IM TALKING TO YOU!" I tried to ignore it. "YOUR SUCH A PEICE OF SHIT!!" I felt my eyes start to water. "Hey bakubro it's not very manly to yell" Said kirishima coming up to kachan. "SHUT UP SHITTY HAIR!" I walked away to the dorms with a few people behind me and a few people in front of me.

I went up to my room and wrote my suicide note.

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Things are getting real deep! Eek!

Word count: 1114 (it's a long one!)

(Thx Gary for the suggestion)