Finding Heaven

Part 15: I Found Heaven

"So that's it - the single will be released on 28th March then", the lads heard Nigel confirm with their record label, over the phone. It was a Monday in early February just a few days off Valentine's day, and the lads were in a band meeting. Routine meetings that required very little input from the lads, only ears to hear what Nigel and the record label had to tell them. Tired and cold, the lads were huddled together in their bomber jackets, looking like a waddle of penguins. Barely awake, all they provided in response was a chorus of murmurs and yawns. Nigel did not appear to notice or care for their lack of attention. That was until he turned to Gary, presently nestled beside Howard, keeping one eye closed.

"Gary – you might want to check the B sides they are using for Europe. They've changed it again".

Gary nodded his head but offered no verbal reply. From his position, Robbie watched the exchange closely and was delighted to see Nigel look rather put-out by Gary's half-arsed response. The dark-haired youngster then turned his own attention to Gary, and patiently waited for Gary's one open eye to flicker in his direction as he knew it eventually would...

Gary had tried hard to restrain himself but couldn't help a quick glance in a certain direction and quickly caught Robbie's eye. He caught what started as a smirk on Robbie's fresh face, but beyond that shined a small secret smile. A smile he had unknowingly found a special place in his heart for, and longed to return his own. Gary couldn't risk it though not with Nigel's eyes on him too. With a small cough to clear his throat, Gary had to instead turn his attention to Nigel, knowing the middle-aged man was looking for it. "That'll be great, thank you Nigel", and obediently, Gary smiled at their manager.

It made Robbie's insides curl to watch the exchange between Gary and Nigel – there was just something in the way Nigel looked at Gary, he didn't like. Yet, he could at least reassure himself it'd be him that would later be the one with Gary. Perhaps he'd subject Gary to his own special brand of 'punishment' for being the spineless suck-up he was. That sexy thought made him chuckle.

"What you sniggering on about?" Nigel turned to Robbie.

"Oh eh...nothing" Robbie panicked, "Just eh...just remembering something s'all".

Luckily Nigel seemed satisfied with that and moved the conversation on. Robbie looked at Gary who looked questioningly back at him. Robbie recalled his last thoughts with a grin, and swore they would remain secret from Gary...until later. 

It was safe to say things had changed since the video shoot. Between them things had finally progressed; albeit at different rates. For Gary, it was one cautious step forward into the unknown, at a time. For Robbie however, it was something of a race, and they simply had to 'get back on the horse' after their initial falter. He just hoped they were now back on track for a sprint-dash to the kind of finish line his wet dreams were made of! He knew Gary still had his hang-ups but brick by brick he was finally breaking down the Barlow wall.

Gary did indeed still have hold-ups, and although some were firmly stuck in place for the time being, he also just couldn't fight his attraction to Robbie anymore – in fact he didn't want to. He was still not ok with it and at times was very much scared of it all (and the bigger questions it meant about his sexuality) but there was one thing he was sure of: kissing Robbie Williams felt too damn good to give up, so that was precisely what he was going to keep doing. He expected he'd feel easier with what came next eventually.

That said, it had however still taken two days after the Everything Changes video shoot, before the lads had actually reignited things properly between them both. Gary had propped up the bar at a club in London's Soho, and as usual trying to avoid looking like a famous boy-bander. Unlike Robbie who had accrued a small crowd that had gravitated towards him the moment they had entered. Robbie was his overly-entertaining self as usual, but had all-the-while been surreptitiously watching the band leader from close by. In his head he had been trying to find the right words coupled with the right amount of alcohol to help him in his quest. In the end however, when he finally walked over it hadn't taken any words at all. Just a look that exchanged between them, and told them they were on the same page.