Finding Heaven

Part 10: Relight My Fire

The next few days passed in a blur of celebratory euphoria for the band, and for Gary Barlow, it also provided an enormous relief. Writing a Number One hit song was the validation he had needed all along. He hadn't known it. He'd of course wanted it, but unlike the other lads he'd been working his entire life to be a songwriter. He'd worked since he was a young teenager, been writing since then too. He'd committed his entire youth and sacrificed it too – because he knew, he understood – that's what success took.

Now he had it: he had the success, he had the validation, he was a bonafide British singer-songwriter, and the lead singer of the biggest boyband presently in the UK. Sure East 17 were popular too, edgier and perhaps cooler – but none of them had Jason's jaw line, Howard's body or Mark's smile. If Gary was honest, the Southern answer to Take That, was basically one songwriter and 3 'Robbie's' – of which, only one could sing. Gary was very happy to say, one Robbie was more than enough. In fact, presently, even that was more than he could handle.

Since the strange encounter in Gary's room the night they were announced at the top of the charts, Robbie had been distant. Incredibly distant.

After the celebrations were over, it felt to Gary like Robbie was doing his very best not to be caught alone with Gary, for some unbeknown reason. There was even one night in a changing room at a TV studio when the other lads had managed to change and clear out first, and left Gary and Robbie dawdling behind – yet it seemed to Gary, that upon realising their seclusion, Robbie appeared to jump into action, gather his stuff in a shot and bolt from the room like it was on fire. It was odd.

Very odd.

It was also odd, that when Gary and Robbie were at last drawn out to share a room together, for the first time ever one might add; Gary never actually saw Robbie at all. The youngest Take That lad seemingly got changed in Mark's room and then later went back with some lass he met at a nightclub that night. Gary awoke the next morning somewhat surprised at being alone in the room yet he also had the distinct feeling that Robbie had fleetingly returned sometime during the night. His bed didn't look slept in as such, but Gary could see a butt imprint on the bed covers, as if someone had perched there at some point just opposite Gary's own bed. Robbie's clothes had also been missing, he'd cleared out the room before breakfast had even been served - which was a definite first!

It had only been a one night stay, but it had bothered Gary and he didn't know why. He thought he'd be pleased to seemingly have a room to himself for the night, let alone not have to share air space with Robbie but for some reason Gary just kept thinking about it. In fact, much to his own displeasure he had noticed he was thinking more about Robbie in general, well, more so than usual. He would admit to himself, he had previously spent barely any time thinking about him or anyone for such a long time. His work had taken precedence for so long, and making his songs a success had taken up all his time. Not that Take That were slowing down now they'd reached the top. No way. Nigel had made it very clear that now they needed to work even harder than they had ever done so before, just to stay where they were. It was much harder to stay on top, than getting there in the first place, he'd told them, "You so much as blink, and there'll be someone else in your spot", Nigel had said one afternoon in mid-July, after tour rehearsals, "You lads need to remember that the next time you complain about an early start – all this could fade away incredibly quickly, and then where would you be?!"

That last point resonated with Gary. He needed to make sure that second album had the best and biggest reception possible. Above all, he wanted a Number One Album. So with all that to worry about, he certainly couldn't spend time thinking about the young, sullen and incredibly highly strung member of the band, who certainly didn't seem to share the same aspirations as Gary. Most of the time, Robbie just acted like it was all for fun, he was just livin' it up large and luckily being in Take That funded that. Maybe that was why Robbie kept making an unwelcome return in to Gary's head – because if Robbie wasn't avoiding Gary, he was certainly using every opportunity to annoy him, whether it was to say something cutting about him, or to exude his 'can't be arsed' attitude. It exhibited all the parts of Robbie's personality he didn't really like. If Gary was being honest, there was a tiny part of him that was hurt by Robbie's tiresome comments. They just always seemed like a personal attack against Gary. Yet, Gary could recall how Robbie had been so different towards him in that room after Pray hit the number one spot. But for Gary, that now seemed like a distant memory...