Always There

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Maybe the Bryce that I dated would've been upset with me for asking something like that at a time like this, but this Bryce remains cool and collected as he takes a sip of his water and then opens his mouth to respond to me.

"Yes, Lexi. I understand. I read the note you left for me in your diary, and it helped me to fathom how you were feeling," he responds smoothly.

I try my best to hide my surprise by taking a large gulp of my water. Then, as coolly as possible, I say, "The last two months have been really good for me, Bryce, and I've changed a lot. I loved being in a relationship with you, but I think that I'm better now. I got a job, you know. I'm very proud of myself for that. I never would've gotten a job if I still lived with you because I wouldn't have needed my own money. Being apart from you has encouraged me to become far more independent."

I watch as Bryce's expression, unchanged, remains stony.

I don't know why I assumed he would be happy for me, but I did. Especially at the mention of my job, because he knows how badly I've wanted to make my own money for awhile now. Nonetheless, Bryce certainly does not look happy as he continues to stare at me blankly. Perhaps there's even a hint of frustration in his gaze.

I narrow my eyes at him. "Why are you being so cold? I thought you would be at least a little bit happy for me. Or you could've just been nice enough to pretend to be happy for me. If you told me something like this, I would be happy for you!"

Bryce blinks at me in confusion. "I am happy for you, Lexi. I never implied otherwise."

Now, I can't help but to scowl. "Then why do you look so mad, Bryce? I've had an excellent past two months and so I don't understand why you can't just be nice about what I've accomplished and—"

Bryce cuts me off.

"Well maybe the last two months have been fucking hell for me, Lexi!" he exclaims abruptly.

I freeze.

Oh.

I open my mouth to speak, but with one brisk shake of Bryce's head, I keep silent and shut my mouth.

"You don't need to ask me what's wrong, because so much is so fucking wrong and there's nothing you can do about it. My intention is not to place the blame on you when I say this, but living alone again has been fucking awful. I don't think I was able to realise how lonely it makes me feel until you lived with me and then you left," he confesses, his voice shaking like I've never heard before.

I open my mouth to speak once more but he shakes his head at me again, which I suppose is fair as I did practically the same thing to him earlier, when we were still on the dance floor and I had my hand over his mouth.

I let Bryce continue to speak.

"Like I said, I'm not blaming you whatsoever, and it wouldn't even be fair to blame you because living alone is not even close to being the only reason why I'm so goddamn miserable. I'm fucking jealous of my dad because he's getting married to the woman of his dreams in a few months and I'm fucking jealous of my brother because now he has a girlfriend and I don't, and God, I miss you so much," he says, a hint of anger suddenly in his tone.

He takes another sip from his glass of water.

I watch him carefully as he swishes the water around in his mouth before swallowing. I watch him set down the glass of water on the table again with a little more aggression than necessary. And finally, I watch him push a frustrated hand through his hair with a sigh of annoyance.

For some reason I feel an odd swarm of butterflies in my stomach as a feeling that I haven't felt in two months stirs within me.

I don't know how I should respond to that. I'm not nearly as good with words as Bryce is, and so I'm scared that no matter what I'll say, he'll laugh at me and think that I sound ridiculous.