Learning To Love Him (boyxboy) (Completed)

Learning To Love Him 41

*****

*Jayden*

"Jayden!" I cursed in my head. Why had Corey told him?! Joe was never going to let it go! He was never going to stop until I talked to him about what happened and told him who it was. I did not want to, I just wanted to pretend it never happened. The nightmares would stop eventually as they had previously.

"Alpha?" I had literally been hiding from him for two days straight, Corey got mad about that when we hung out yesterday but he realised I didn't have to obey his orders and shut up about it after some arguing. At the current moment, I was cornered and wouldn't be able to hide from or sneak by Joe anymore.

He walked into my room with eyes narrowed in annoyance and I offered him a smile while shutting my laptop. He obviously wasn't too happy about my running from him for the past couple of days.

"Is it true?" He asked, his face instantly softening and my smile dropped. I don't know if I expected him to drop it when he saw that I was fine or if I was hoping he would forget about it if I looked happy enough.

"No," I answered looking down because it felt wrong to lie to him.

"Jayden, do not lie to me. Did someone in this pack –"

"No!" I cut him off. I felt my chest begin to heave and tried to hold my breath to calm down. I shut my eyes as they began to sting. I wasn't going to cry.

"Jay –"

"No one –" I froze when hands grabbed hold of my shoulders but quickly realised it was just Joe, although I still shook my head while backing into the corner of my bed to get away from him as it became exceptionally hard to release the breath I was holding, "No one. No one did anything. No one –"

"Alright, alright, no one did anything. Calm down, Jayden. Calm down." I felt a sob escape my lips and I realised I was crying and not breathing. I could not seem to get a hold of it and just gasped for air while my head became light, the lack of oxygen only caused more panic, "Jayden." I felt Joe's hands on my shoulders again, "Breathe. Listen, follow me," I nodded trying to take his advice and follow the loud, calm breathing he was doing until my breathing returned to pretty much normal and I wiped my eyes, "You okay, Son?" His voice was concerned but calm as he watched me.

I stared back at him for a few seconds before feeling more tears well my eyes as I shook my head.

"No..." I whispered finally. I shut my eyes as he moved to hug me for a few seconds before leaning against the headboard beside me.

"Talk to me."

I sighed. "What Corey probably told you... I... It's true..." My shoulders sank, "I can't sleep... Every time I close my eyes, I..." I gave a dry chuckle. "I'd rather see my father, Joe... I'd rather I got beat up... I don't feel like..." A man, or human for that matter. I felt weak and empty. Like a shell always on the verge of cracking and fading into nothing, and I wanted to. I had until recently, but even though Corey seemed like a reason not to want to disappear, it still felt like I was supposed to. I was still the same cracked, weak, empty shell that no one would want or have any use for, that was too fragile to contribute to or offer anything to anyone.

"When... when did it happen?" He whispered. I swallowed trying not to think about it, hoping to explain it without having to go back but that was impossible as my mind immediately began flashing through the memories that haunted me every time I closed my eyes.

"When I was eleven, a few weeks before my birthday actually... a few months later... Four more times after that... It stopped about a year ago. He said he'd kill me if I told, but he didn't need to. I didn't want anyone to know... I didn't want to act like something was wrong with me, I didn't want to talk – to talk about it or have to... I didn't want questions so I tried to fix myself up. I forced myself to eat even though I never had the appetite to. You don't know but I never slept..." He seemed a little surprised, "I stayed up all night so I wouldn't have those nightmares anymore, so no one would ask about it because of the reactions in my sleep, the only sleep I got was at school... I pretended to be doing fine. It worked because no one noticed the change..." I sighed shutting my eyes as a slight, heavy dizziness coursed through my head, "I don't want to feel like this." I muttered leaning my head down into my arms, "I can't deal with it anymore."