Con Science, Not Conscience (ONC2020)

Special: Remi's Visits

Visit #1: The Graveyard (With Angel)

Remi stared at the words engraved on his sister's pale grey tombstone: "the most beautiful girl in the world." It was a stunningly simple description, and yet it did his sister justice.

He had remembered her all these years.  When they were younger, they would pretend to be world famous chefs, frying meat and vegetables on their toy kitchen playset. They used to sleep together too, their tiny faces almost touching, her arms around him.

Louise had looked up to him a lot. She had been a laughing girlish child, full of gaiety and high spirits. He had always been more moody and quiet, and they had balanced each other perfectly.

He continued to look at her tombstone. He didn't know what to say. Behind him, he heard Angel apologising in a rushed tone. "I'm sorry. The words don't do her justice. It's just that I was flustered then, and could hardly think straight-"

Remi took her hand. "Thank you for doing this for my sister," he said quietly. He meant it.

The wind blew and the flowers around her grave swayed, vibrant and colourful. He knelt down before his younger sister and spoke to her. "I know you were a good friend to Angel. She misses you so much. And...Louise..." his throat felt dry.

"I wish I could have seen you grow up, become a teenager, and a young woman. I'm sure you were beautiful. I..." again, Remi paused, closing his eyes. A tear leaked out of them and he blinked rapidly. The teardrop disappeared in the abyss of his eyes.

He swallowed hard and continued, even though now it felt as if there was a stone lodged in his throat. "I love you. I should have told you that when you were alive. I should have looked harder for you. I should have been a better brother."

"Since I can't be good to you," Remi whispered, looking down at an angelic white rose, "I'll be good to Angel."

Visit #2: The Graveyard (By Himself)

This time, Remi was crying and he didn't care if anyone around saw that the son of the richest criminal lawyers in the country was sobbing like a newborn baby. Grief and guilt hung heavy on his heart, pulling it down.

He sank down on his knees so that he was the level with Evangeline's name on the tombstone and murmured "Louise, I drove Angel away..."

He could get no further, because his voice dissolved in a flood of tears. Remi wept quietly, soberly, and finally raised his head, his heart breaking into two shards.

"Louise, I never knew how much I loved her. She was right all along...she made me happy. I just never-" his voice faltered, quivered, trembled.

He shut his eyes and continued his sorry story mentally. I never knew that Angel was such a big part of my life. I've been a jerk to her...I kissed her and I enjoyed it, but I threw her feelings back into her face and said I never loved her. I was foolish.

Now it's too late to repent...I have no clue where she went. Her friend Jay is not telling me. I'm devastated, but what can I do when I brought about the collapse of my heart by myself?

Remi stayed at his sister's grave for four hours. When he stood back up to leave, his tears were dried and he was determined to push the guilt and regret away. He was going to rebuild his life, even if it was without Angel.

Visit #3: The Orphanage

"Where's Angel?" Lyra asked. Her face had fallen when he had walked in without the glowing, laughing Angel she had been accustomed to seeing by his side.

Remi smiled almost too quickly, but the child could not pick that out. "She's gone off for a very long holiday. Angel misses you, though."

He had lied again.

As he stood before a child whose life had not been tainted by lies until him, Remi suddenly felt a surge of disgust towards himself. No wonder he had driven Angel away.

But he just had to grit his teeth and make it up to Angel somehow. And he was going to start with Lyra. He leaned down and met Lyra's eyes. "Do you want me to be your daddy?"

Lyra's little lip trembled and she took a step back. For a frozen moment, Remi couldn't breathe. Was she afraid of him?

Then Lyra flung herself into his arms. "Oh, daddy, daddy," she kept saying. "I finally have a parent."

In spite of his broken heart, Remi smiled.

Visit #4: Maya's Apartment

Remi stood outside the apartment and breathed in quickly before pressing the doorbell. His sister had asked to see him. She had bugged him for a month and a half and he'd managed to avoid her, but he knew he couldn't put it off any longer. He had to visit his sister.

She flung open the door, her red hair in a gorgeous high bun and her green eyes serious. "Are you okay?" was the first thing she asked him.

Remi smiled wryly. "Do I look that bad?"

Maya hesitated. She didn't want to hurt his feelings but he did look bad. Remi, seeing this, laughed. "It's alright. I know I look terrible right now. Honestly, I haven't slept in two days."

His sister sighed. "Come in. Let's talk."

Once they had sat down, Remi let his eyes wander. It was difficult not to think about Angel, as usual. After all, devious Angel had once tried to trick Maya of her money, and that was how he had met Angel for the first time.

Maya drummed her fingers on the dining room table and said slowly "Remi, why don't you try to look for her?"

Remi's heart squeezed. "I...I have been trying, but I can't find her. I sent out people in all states and yet she seems to have disappeared..."

His phone buzzed with a business call. Remi shut his eyes, wishing the calls and clients would just stop coming. He needed Angel to joke around and lift his spirits. To make him less sad. Less stressed. More happy.

Maya frowned. She was worried for her brother. He had barely smiled since Angel left. Earlier, he had been laughing, but she didn't know if it was real laughter. Remi usually only smiled around her and Lyra. She suspected it was just an act put up for the benefit of his audience.

"You can't continue like this," Maya said softly.

Remi ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "I know, Maya. I'm trying to forget Angel, okay? And yet I don't want to let go of her. We didn't even take one photo together...I have nothing of her left but my memories. I want to keep those, even if they rip my heart out."

He stood up abruptly, straightening his suit. "I have a meeting in fifteen minutes. I'll see you soon, sis. Au revoir." He smiled at her before leaving.

Maya watched her older brother leave, aching for him. After Angel left, he was a shell of his former self.

Angel, where are you?

Readers: oh dear. I didn't mean to write something so depressing. Uh...hope you enjoyed it. Vote and comment thanks!