Con Science, Not Conscience (ONC2020)

E

"I'm sorry-" Remi runs a hand through his hair, breathing hard. "This was never meant to happen. I don't like you that way. I-"

"Stop," I say, trembling. I push past him blindly. Pick up the spatula, keep my hair blocking my face and stare at the ground. My voice is shaking. "You don't get to kiss me like that and then deny your feelings."

"Angel? Remi? Are you done cooking?" An innocent voice pipes up from the doorway of the kitchen.

I throw Remi a bitter look laced with the sting from a scorpion and the needles from a cactus. I cannot understand him. Does he like me or not? Why is he confusing me so much? But for now, these feelings must be suppressed. Lyra has to be taken care of first.

I lean down and meet her eyes. "Almost. Give me two minutes, okay, dearie?"

"Okay," she says, peering at me. "Angel, are you crying?" Lyra pats my cheeks in concern. 

"No! No, not at all. Why don't you and Remington go watch Dora while I finish up."

Remi winces but his face immediately wipes clean of emotions and changes into an impassive expression. He dutifully takes the little girl to the television without throwing me a second glance. My heart squeezes painfully but I tell myself: it's okay, this isn't heartbreak. This is just an obstacle in life. It will pass.

I never really liked Remi anyway. He just so happens to be the brother of my dead best friend, and the guy I have to con money from. I should have kept a business relationship with him. It was my fault that I tried to make things deeper than it really was.

The kiss slithers into my memory and I bite my lip, the same lips he touched. Then I admit that I keep lying to myself that I don't like him, but I do. This is messed up.

Yet I can't shake the feeling that Remi likes me. Maybe I'm too possessive, and want to force myself into believing that he likes me in that way...but Jay confirmed it. Jay is always spot on with his observations. And my ability can confirm it- I do cheer Remi up (however strange that may be). He has been feeling happier around me. So why can't he see his own feelings?

Breakfast would have been awkward if not for Lyra. She spends the whole day with us. Remi and I talk to Lyra, but never to each other. An invisible wall is built around him, and it is impenetrable. I don't try to hack those walls away, either.

Lyra pauses at the door of the orphanage as I drop her off at 8 pm sharp. "Angel, will you be my mama soon? You promised you would one day."

I cannot bring myself to speak as I look into her earnest, pleading eyes. This is a child that wants love so badly because she has never felt it. Yet circumstances are preventing me from adopting her. I wish I had enough money to, but right now every day is a struggle for me to pay my bills. Boss hasn't given me my pay for two months.

"Angel will soon," Remi interjects, patting little Lyra on her shoulder. "She's working really hard to become your mama, so wait patiently, okay?"

Lyra nods, her face brightening. She skips into the dreary, musty orphanage, beaming.

Again, we ignore each other during the drive back home. I'm fuming by now. He still wants to stay in my home? What a jerk!

---

The next morning, I wake up in my bedroom, gasping for oxygen. My gaze lands on the bedroom door, which I focus on for the next one minute until the harrowing nightmare disappears from my thoughts.

Last night, I made sure to shut my door tight and lock it so Remi couldn't enter.

However, I hear voices. So I tiptoe to the door and press my ear to it, listening carefully.