Con Science, Not Conscience (ONC2020)

B

I pause and stare at Remi. Thoughts rush through my head like a hurricane, as I debate what to tell him. A lie or a lie? Deciding that is very important. I have to choose the lie that he will believe more. Right?

So I pick a lie. "She's this girl I met when I was volunteering at the orphanage. She's my favourite."

He nods and doesn't look at me. "Oh, you volunteer? I wasn't aware that you are so virtuous."

I sigh. Am I really that horrible to everyone? Reflexively, my face twists into a grimace. Seeing the look on my face, Remi sighs and assures me "Just kidding."

It hadn't really felt like a joke.

Slapping a smile on my face, I nod and say cheerfully "I know." Then I change the subject because I can't bear to keep up my smile anymore. His cloud is less dark, so I ask-slash-comment "You seem happier today, huh?"

"Yeah," Remi says quietly. "I guess I'm just thinking that maybe I should be a kid again. To just live in the moment and be happy. Not get caught up in the past. Sometimes I think the past entangles me too much, renders me unable to move and cry for help. I want to be past that, to let go of the threads from the past, and not let history define me any longer."

My voice fails me when I hear that. I've been living in the past, and I don't want to stop, ever. But wait- why are we talking so deep? I'm supposed to just be scamming him!

Thus I say quietly "Yeah. Sometimes I want to not have to worry about the future. About whether I have enough money to live like a human."

"What do you mean?" As expected, he falls for it, hook, line, and sinker.

Sighing, I bow my head and mutter, fiddling with my jacket, "I haven't been able to pay my rent for two months."

Remi frowns. "Oh. That's solved easily."

"How?" I ask. Obviously he's going to say: don't worry, I'll give you the money.

Alright, not obviously. Because that idiot, that twat, says "Kill the landlord."

"Stop it," I groan. Inwardly I can't believe my ears. He isn't as dumb as I thought? Also, what kind of person tells about killing so easily and frankly? Remi is messed up...

He laughs. "Well, seriously, good thing you're working for me. I pay you once a month, don't I?"

Clenching my fists, I rush to catch up with his long strides. I'm shaking with anger, but I guess he doesn't care. He probably takes delight in making me miserable. And even though he thinks I can't pay my rent, the lovely human being Remi isn't going to pay for me, oh no. He's just going to give me my salary and be done with me.

To make things worse, after I get back home at about 1am, having taken a furious walk around the neighbourhood park in an effort to calm down- not exactly wise for a woman to walk around alone in the dark, but I just had to let off some steam- I get a call from lovely old Kent.

"Well, are you making any progress? Ot I might just fire you," he greets me.

"Hey, look here, Boss, you're just sitting around doing not-" I pause abruptly.

Right, he could fire me and make my life a living hell. Because Kent does have influential friends in the mafia, in the mobs, and in the gangs in our town. Surprisingly, he has friends everywhere. And they would stop at nothing to beat me up if he told them to, because that's how loyalty works.

I do admire that aspect of the gang life, but nothing else, because it's really just violence and drugs. It's awful. And yet I am sort of in a seedy gang business thing myself. No, it isn't like that. I am fuelled by desperation, the need to make quick money. At least I still have my self worth, at least I haven't gone to sell my body. At least I am still Angel.