In the crowd

Chapter 5

Katy's POV

I woke up and went to the bathroom as I began to feel nauseous. I washed my face with cold water not wanting to throw up as I've been feeling like that for a week or so now. I found a pregnancy test and looked at it worriedly before doing it. I sat at the edge of the bathtub and waited for the results anxiously. I couldn't be pregnant. Not with the man I've just met. I kept waiting as minutes went by and I gazed at the pregnancy test. Two lines began to appear as my eyes widened and I covered my mouth in shock. "No, no, no." I whispered as quiet sobs escaped my lips. It couldn't be true. It felt like a nightmare and the worst part was that I was still thinking about that guitarist and how gentle he was with me.

Sighing lightly, I got dressed and left to work, trying not to worry about it right now as I still didn't know what to do. I knew I had to do something as I basically cheated on Orlando but I needed time. It was all too much for me. I got changed into my uniform and began to work. I took the first orders and swept the floor. I couldn't stop thinking about the baby growing inside me. I knew it was wrong but I already loved it with my whole heart and I didn't care about the consequences of my actions. I wiped the counter and put my hand on my belly making sure no one saw it.

Hours go by as I kept working and totally forgot about the pregnancy. I got changed as I finished cleaning up the restaurant and I went to the bus stop. I got on my bus and looked out of the window. Going back to that night, I tried to remember how we ended up at his place but couldn't figure it out as I must've been so drunk... I acted like a teenager and I was mad at my friends for not stopping me. They were supposed to look after me as they knew me and how I am when I'm drunk. None of this would have happened but on the other hand, I knew I shouldn't have even thought of it but I was happy. Robert seemed so nice and he made me feel alive again. He was so different from all of the boyfriends I've had. I just wished we had more time to get to know each other better and not just end up in bed.

Getting off the bus, I walked home and opened the front door slowly. I came into the flat and went to the kitchen to get a drink. I sipped my water as I heard Orlando coming down the stairs. I began to feel nervous as I put down my glass and looked at him. He gave me a big smile and picked me up, spinning me in the air as I held onto him confused. He put me back down and kissed my face all over as I giggled softly. I watched him with a smile, wondering what made him so happy as recently he had been grumpy and distant. "We're having a baby!" he said happily, putting his hand on my flat stomach as my smile dropped. Did I really forget to hide the pregnancy test from him? I was mad at myself for this mistake. I must've been in so much rush not wanting to be late again that I simply left it in the bathroom. Not knowing how to tell him the truth, I watched him as he kept hugging and kissing him. Only if he knew it wasn't his baby...

Too scared to break it to him, I played along as I didn't want him to get angry. I was afraid he would hurt me if I told him he wasn't the father. I knew how badly he wanted this baby but it was impossible for him to be the real dad. We didn't get close since the last time over two months ago and before the party I took the test which turned out to be negative. It had to be Robert's baby. There was no other option. But seeing Orlando so happy was making it even worse. I felt really bad each time I looked at his face and that big smile. He was asking me questions about the baby and how I felt but I couldn't say anything. The guilt was eating me from the inside and I couldn't take it anymore.

Pulling up my shirt, he rested his hand on my bare belly and it made my head spin as I began to feel nauseous. I pushed him away lightly and rushed to the bathroom. Holding my hair back, I threw up as tears rolled down my cheeks. Orlando came to me and rubbed my back as I slowly finished and wiped my face. I looked up at him weakly as he tried to comfort me but hearing him talk about OUR baby was no help. This situation was just making me stressed and all I wanted to do was disappearing.

Orlando helped me standing up and he hugged me tightly as I cried into his shirt. "Hey, it's okay. It will be worth it at the end." he murmured as he held me in his arms and rocked me lightly. He was once again gentle and loving like at the beginning of our relationship. There was also this thought that maybe he didn't actually care about me but only about this baby. Finding out I was pregnant made him so soft. What if he was with me only to have a child on his own? Maybe he didn't even love me in the first place and he was with me because I seemed easy...

I pulled away from the hug and ran to our bedroom. I laid down cuddling myself as I kept crying. I was overthinking everything and I knew it wasn't healthy in my state but I couldn't stop. Why couldn't it be easy for me for once too? Why did it always have to happen to me? Everyone had the right to be happy but me. I've never thought I would cheat on my boyfriend but yet there I was with another man's baby growing inside me. I was lost and frightened but I knew one thing. I knew that I wanted this baby no matter the consequences and I would never let anyone hurt it. I was prepared for the judgement and now I simply had to worry less and take good care of the both of us. Sooner or later Orlando would find out about my betrayal and would probably leave me. But also, I couldn't throw it all on Robert. I'm sure he didn't want a baby and I was supposed to be just a one night stand and nothing more. And even if I had to be a single mother, I promised myself to always put this baby first no matter what. I had to be strong for it and get ready for the worst...

With the hand on my stomach, I fell asleep with some hair sticking to my wet cheeks as a faint smile appeared on my lips. Getting further away from the reality, I found myself dreaming about my little baby. I was holding it in my arms and nothing in this world was more relaxing than that. Knowing my baby was safe as it was pressed gently against my breast, I felt relieved. It was the best feeling to hold your own child in your arms and rock it protectively as it looks back up at you or even holds your finger in its small hand. Letting out happy tears as I was fast asleep, I knew I was ready for this baby. There was no doubt anymore.