In the crowd

Chapter 3

Katy's POV

Here we were again weeks later in our bathroom, waiting for the results to find out whether or not there was a baby growing inside me. I began to feel anxious just like I did every time we took the pregnancy test as Orlando held my sweaty hand. I prayed silently to be pregnant this time as it has been so long since we started trying for a baby and it was just more and more stressful for the both of us. I just wanted us to be happy but me and Orlando have been arguing most of the time recently because of the whole baby thing. He was getting annoyed more easily and spent less time at home with me which was taking the best of me too as I had a lot of time to myself and kept overthinking our choices.

I looked down at the pregnancy test, seeing one line and my heart dropped as I stood up and threw it away. I wasn't pregnant and it was becoming more frustrating. What if I never get pregnant? Now that we really wanted to have this baby it was impossible for us to achieve. It felt like God didn't want it to happen. Like he didn't want us to be happy and have a family which was really unfair as there was people who gave away their children for no reason after creating them. I let out some tears as I kept my head down, disappointed in myself. When we decided to have a baby, I thought it would be so easy. One night and there would be one inside my belly. But that didn't happen. We've already tried a few times and the test was still negative. I didn't know what else to do at this point and I was slowly giving up as we could just keep trying and trying forever. It was tiring for the both of us and making love didn't feel good and lustful anymore. It was more forced and focused on one thing - getting me pregnant.

I looked up at Orlando as he left the bathroom and went downstairs not saying anything. It made me even sadder seeing him like that. I knew it was my fault and I wished I could've done something about it as I wanted to make him happy and give him the child he wanted so badly but something was stopping us from it and I couldn't figure out what it was. I slowly followed him downstairs, blaming myself for our situation and how we were slowly falling apart. "I'm sorry, Lando." I said quietly as I played with my fingers. I came to him to the kitchen and watched him, feeling the distance between us as he got himself a glass of water and sipped it. I knew he was blaming me too, he just didn't say it out loud but he didn't have to as it was obvious. "Maybe we should get you checked by the doctor." he suggested as I kept my head down and nodded. He assumed there was something wrong with me and maybe he was right. Maybe I really was the problem and the reason why it was taking so long. I slowly went back to our bedroom and got dressed as he waited downstairs for me. I quickly came back as he seemed to me annoyed with me.

Going to the car, we got in and he drove to the clinic as I looked out of the window. The whole ride there he didn't say a word to me which made me more upset with myself and I felt my eyes becoming watery but I tried to hold back the tears as it wouldn't make anything better. I sighed sadly as we reached the clinic and got out of the car. We walked into the clinic and sat in the waiting room. My hands got sweaty as I waited for the nurse to call my name. Hearing my name, I stood up and looked at Orlando. Walking into the doctor's office, I sat down as Orlando approached me. I told my doctor everything and for how long we have been trying. He then asked me about my periods and lifestyle. I answered all of the questions truthfully as he noted everything and Orlando added some stuff I forgot to tell. I then pulled up my sleeve and the doctor took my blood for the fertility test.

"Would you like to do it too?" he asked Orlando as I watched them pressing a gauze to my arm. I saw he started to feel uncomfortable which was understandable. I pulled down my sleeve and looked at my handbag as he shook his head and held my hand. "I know I'm alright." he said and we stood up before leaving the office as we had to wait for the results and the doctor would call me when he gets them. I followed Orlando out of the clinic and back to our car. He started the car and drove to the store. We walked in hand in hand as it felt strange and I couldn't understand his behaviour anymore. He was so cold towards me and then out of nowhere acted all sweet and pulled me closer making me just more confused. I didn't know where we were with our relationship anymore and if there was a point trying for a baby now. Maybe a break would help making things better between us again.

Orlando took a cart as we were inside and I picked some fruits and vegetables. I saw a little girl with a teddy bear in her hand and I smiled sadly wishing I'd have a daughter one day too to take care of and buy pretty dresses for. I once again imagined myself as a mum having a beautiful daughter with Orlando and creating together a perfect home for her to grow up in. Snapping back to the reality I brought the food to Orlando and put everything into our cart as I sighed quietly. I slowly went to the baby section and looked at the little clothes. I held a pink dress and turned around to show Orlando but the same girl I have seen earlier bumped into me and fell on her bum. I kneeled down and quickly helped her up before passing her the teddy bear she dropped. She smiled and ran back to her mum. Watching her, I went back to Orlando and we paid for everything.

He took me home and I unpacked the groceries as Orlando went to work. I soon got a call from my doctor as I sat on our bed, getting ready for the worst as Orlando was probably right and I couldn't have kids. It started bothering me more since he suggested seeing the doctor because if it was the truth, he would've left me. Why would he want to stay with me if I could give you what he wanted the most? I would be useless. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself down as I was about to have a panic attack but I didn't want to overreact. The doctor told me I was healthy and shouldn't have trouble getting pregnant which made me feel a bit better. He told me what to do and what don't and I thanked him as I looked down at my belly wondering what was the problem then.

I went downstairs after the call and decided to treat Orlando tonight. I began to make dinner for him as I made his favourite meal. I put some candles on the table and picked the best bottle of wine we had. I dressed up nicely and did my makeup while the food was in the oven as I wanted to look pretty for him. I finished our meal as Orlando walked in. I took the plates to the table and smiled as he wrapped his arms around me. I turned around to him and kissed his lips softly. We sat down at the table and began to eat as I held his hand. He kisses the top of it and I giggled lightly, hoping it would work this time and soon we would have a little baby on our own.