Silence || Kimetsu no Yaiba x Reader

17 • Regrets

It couldn't be real. It was all a lie. Rengoku, the Flame Pillar couldn't have lost his life... Him? A man like him? Such a faithful person that everyone could rely on?

You could never accept this.

Train. Couldn't Akihito have been clearer? How could you have known what he was talking about? One word wasn't enough to warn of such a complex event.

Still, you couldn't blame your former mentor. Rengoku's death weighed on your conscience as if you were the one who took his life. No matter what anyone else said, you were the only one at fault. It was all your fault and you would never forgive yourself.

If only you could have understood that message.

If only you had done the right thing maybe...

Ever since this terrible news, you'd been locked in a bubble where no one could enter. Only regret and guilt were welcomed here.

Leaving the notion of sleep behind, you spent your nights searching for the demon to eliminate. In less than a week, you had slain far more demons than anyone else. Whether on your own territory or on the border of another Pillar, you were no longer paying attention. Any demon that dared to stand in your way was living out its final moments. It may not have been the best way to grieve, but it was your choice.

A morning, as you were finally returning home, you met a young woman you knew well – the Love Pillar – in front of your gate.

When you reached her, you saw her lips move but no sound reached your ears. She was there, facing you, but it was as if she was far away. Not really understanding what she could tell you, you didn't bother to answer and went straight inside.

At the entrance, you took off your zōri before you could go any further. Then, the time of a blink you found your face against the cold parquet floor. You collapsed.

Your eyesight was much too blurry to confirm but you were almost certain to see Mitsuri's face approaching yours. Once again her lips moved but no sound reached you.

Then, slowly, the pulpit curtain that was your eyelids closed, leaving you in complete darkness.

• • •

The doctor Kanroji contacted as soon as possible advised you to rest until further notice. He was also surprised you were able to hold on so long.

Your will had pushed you to go far beyond your limits. Nevertheless, the repercussions were also terrible.

Lack of sleep, dehydration, alarming weight loss, the diagnosis was clear, you were in a very bad state.

When the news reached headquarters, Oyakata-sama sent two kakushi to take care of you during your convalescence. Mitsuri would have liked to do this herself but as a Pillar she couldn't afford to put aside her responsibilities. She stayed at your bedside until these two people arrived.

Words were not the only comforting things, sometimes the simplest gesture was enough to comfort a heart in despair. Even if you couldn't hear her voice, that hand that held yours without letting go was the best medicine you could have asked for.

• • •

Two weeks passed before you could regain some semblance of "normal life". The two people who had been so helpful during this time had offered to stay longer, but you politely declined. Their place was not here, but somewhere else where they could help other of your comrades. However, they insisted on accompanying you to the headquarters where you had been summoned.

A few days after your physical recovery, you received a letter from Oyakata-sama. In it you found the words you needed to hear.

You knew it from the beginning. Rengoku's death was not your fault. He himself would never have accepted that you could carry such a heavy burden. The only thing you could do was had to use those indelible regrets to make tomorrow a better day.

• • •

The sadness, the desperation within you, all these things will eventually disappear in time.

Maybe it will be tomorrow, in a week, in a month, or in ten years, but they will disappear.

After all, the night is not eternal.

Eventually the sun always comes back into the sky.

˚*̥ ─❀*̥˚──◌─────❀*̥˚─

A/N : No spoilers but am I the only one who's depressed by the chapter 200 ... ?

Well, a very short chapter compared to the previous one, but an unavoidable one before moving on to what promises to be a rather hectic series of events.

Even if it's hard, the Sand Pillar need to get back on her feet.