Always There

Chapter Sixty-Four

I probably stood under the scalding water for about and hour before I finally shut the water off. I stepped out of the shower and dried my body off without much care before heading into my bedroom, exhausted.

I didn't bother getting dressed. I just climbed into bed, laid down on my back under the covers, and I cried.

I cried so hard that my whole body shook. I can't be sure why all of my emotions suddenly hit me all at once, but I can only assume it was because I had been holding back all of my feelings for the past two weeks.

I cried because I broke Lexi's heart, and now, she's no longer in love with me. 

I cried because I'm the reason Brittany killed herself.

I cried because my dad is disappointed in me, even though he's tried not to show it.

And I cried because fuck, I want Lexi back.

I know that I'm only nineteen, and that I technically have a fuck ton of time in my life to fall in love again, but I can tell already that that's not going to happen.

I just know that Lexi is my soulmate. She's the love of my life, and it wouldn't be fair for me to have a relationship with any other woman because my heart will always belong to Lexi.

There was a point in time that I became so desperate that I considered actually asking Lexi to move back in with me, just as friends.

Well, maybe 'friends' is too strong of a word. I know that Lexi hates me—and I think that her feelings are completely justified—but I miss having her around so much more than I ever could have anticipated missing her.

I spent a few hours one night practicing a speech about how she could have the spare bedroom all to herself, how I wouldn't bother her when she needs alone time, how I would cook for her every day and make sure she always has everything that she needs, and how I would never initiate anything between us.

I got to a point where I genuinely believed that maybe, if I met up with Blossom and told her all of this, she would agree. I didn't even know if this truly would be better for me than simply being apart for her, but I wanted it so desperately that I didn't even care.

Unfortunately, when I woke up the next morning, I felt ridiculous and stupid and so I didn't end up contacting her at all.

We really haven't spoken to one another over the past two months. I always hope that maybe, I'll run into her somewhere, but that still hasn't happened yet. A part of me thinks that I should just text her, ask how she's doing, and see how she reacts, but I don't think I should be the one contacting her, since she's the one who ended things and clearly needs space from me.

I just miss her so badly. I really wish, more than anything, that I could go back and do everything differently.

Somebody is suddenly tapping me on the shoulder.

I spin around to face Theodore, who is looking at me with a worried expression on his face. "You all right, Bryce?"

I clear my throat. "Yeah. I was just thinking. About my ex-girlfriend. Lexi. Do you remember her?"

Theodore nods. "Yeah. I remember her. I remember that I was stunned by how beautiful she looked. She was very sweet, too."

My hands clench into fists, just for a moment, upon hearing someone talk about how pretty they think Lexi is.

"She's incredible. I haven't spoken to her since we broke up but I've been considering contacting her just to see how she's doing," I confess.

Theodore leans back in his seat, raising an eyebrow at me. "I doubt it's good for you to be thinking about an ex-girlfriend as often as you do. I don't even think about any of my ex-girlfriends at all."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes at this. "You clearly weren't actually in love with any of them, then."

Theodore chuckles. "Maybe not. But how do you know if you're actually in love with a girl, anyway?"

I stare down at my wrist, at the Jane Austen tattoo that I got because it reminds me of Lexi.

"You just know," I respond blankly.

Theodore remains silent for a few moments after this. I eventually assume that our conversation is over, and so I make a move to retrieve my phone from my pocket.

"Bryce?" Theodore says suddenly.

I turn to look at him.

"Lydia and I are meeting up with a few of my friends for dinner and drinks at my apartment tonight. You're more than welcome to come," Theodore then offers.

"So now you're treating me like a charity case?" I ask blandly.

I don't know how I expected Theodore to respond to this, but I certainly didn't expect him to laugh, which is exactly what he does.

"Whatever you say. We're going to my place directly from here, so you can come with us then," he answers before he abruptly stands up from his seat and heads towards the front of the room, where everybody else is sitting in front of the recording booth.

Most of them have headphones on, excluding Robert, and so Theodore goes to stand next to him. They begin conversing with each other at a volume too low for me to hear from where I'm sitting, and so I just reach into my pocket for my phone.

My breath catches as soon as the lock screen lights up, though.

It's a photo of Lexi and I that she took a few days before we broke up, when we were laying in bed together. It's a selfie of us laying on our backs, Lexi's head resting on my shoulder. She's sticking her tongue out at the camera with a dorky grin on her face, and I'm looking down at her with an amused expression and one of my eyebrows raised.

She giggled so much while examining the photo after she took it that I couldn't possibly stop her when she unlocked my phone and set the picture as my wallpaper.

Fuck, I miss her so much. I really should just call her and see what happens.

Before I can even consider following through with this plan, Robert is calling out for me across the room.

"Bryce, can we get some help over here? You have a good ear for these things," he requests.

With a sigh, I slip my phone back into my pocket, stand up from the couch, and make my way towards Robert.

A/N: THANK YOU GUYS FOR HALF A MILLION READS ON SOMETHING THERE OH MY GOD I'M SO GRATEFUL AND I CAN'T BELIEVE IT AHHHH!!!

I've been posting chapters daily for a few days in a row now, and I'm very happy about it/very proud of myself!!! I hope you guys are enjoying all the content <3

How does everybody feel about Lydia so far? She's going to play a pretty big role in the story eventually ;)