I laid in bed all day the next day. I just wanted to be alone. My mom and Emma were doing everything they could to try and be there for me. I haven't seen Charli, I think she wants to kill me, which I don't blame her.
I hadn't left my bed since I got home from the party.
"How ya doing?" Emma asked me.
"I feel like shit okay? Can everyone stop asking me that?" I yelled at her. Emma didn't respond, she smiled politely. She's been there for me and I'm grateful for her.
"I'm sorry." I sighed.
"I really think you should call him." She suggested for the thousandth time.
"No, that's the point. He will forget about me and move on and then he can go back to his normal life and I won't have to be in the way."
"Rowan, he loves you and misses you. He doesn't care about any of that he cares about you."
"How do you know?"
"You can't just push him away because you're in love Rowan. You don't know how hurt he is."
"And you do?" I yelled at her. "And what about me? Does it look like I'm not hurt."
"No, but you caused this and you can fix it. Please just talk to him. I know it's scary especially after everything with Grayson but he's not even close to half the man Harry is. Harry really truly cares about you."
"I was probably just a summer fling to him anyway." I continue coming up with every excuse in the book.
"Stop, you know that's not true." She said disappointed I even had that thought and went right back to trying to convince me to talk to him. "I know you heard the song he wrote. You think he wrote that about a summer fling? No, that is about someone who he is deeply in love with. Can you please try and explain to me what was going through your mind?"
"I was scared, our lives are completely different, we would never get to see each other. I don't want to hold him back from his dreams. I don't deserve how caring and understand he is. I don't deserve to be loved by someone that perfect."
"Stop it Rowan." She had a mix of anger and sadness in her voice, like she didn't know if she wanted to slap me or cry. "You are more than worthy, what makes you think that? You more than anyone, deserve to be loved like that."
"That fucking asshole." She mumbled under her breath.
"You cannot let what people did you in the past from stopping you from being happy, Rowan." She hugged me tightly.
Her phone rang and she got nervous and shy which made me confused considering how outgoing she is.
Does she have a new boyfriend she hasn't told me about yet? Was my first thought. All I cared about was that she would finally stop talking.
"Who was it?" I asked after she hung up hoping to change the conversation from about me to anything else.
"It was- um my mom I gotta go. But um call me after- um call me later okay?" She suspiciously walked out of my room.
Her response was off and made me confused but I let it be. I love her but I was glad to see her go after trying to convince what I was doing was wrong. Although I thought the complete opposite even if it did make me feel like shit.
I laid in bed staring at the ceiling thinking of all the what if's.
What if we'd never met
It sure as hell would of made things a lot easier
What would I be doing
Would I still be with Grayson
God I hope not
What if I wasn't in college
That would make everything better
Could I do online school
It wouldn't work
It's too crazy I'd have no time to focus on it
What if I took a year off
But then what
I'd never go back
If things didn't work out I'd have nothing
What if I'd stayed
Would it have been worth it
Could it work out
What if we're meant to be
There was a knock at the door which interrupted my thoughts. I expected it to be my mom.
But instead I locked eyes with the most beautiful green eyes.
