Dark BTS imagines

Yoongi x reader ~ suicide attempt

Cautiously, you waited for your boyfriend Yoongi to leave the room before you started writing your final goodbye. You were sick of life, you had no real reason to be but you just had no will to go on and felt like the world would be better without you alive in it.

The only thing that made you have second thoughts was Yoongi, you've wanted to talk to him so many times about your feelings but always felt like you'd be a burden on him and he didn't need your problems to deal with as well. It was tough to say goodbye but it was even tougher to carry on living like this.

You found it hard to cope with your emotions and constantly bottled them up, the only way you dealt with them was by hurting yourself. When you felt the razor blade glide across your skin you finally felt something other than numb. You had virtually no feelings and pain was better than feeling nothing right? At this point, you'd been hurting yourself for so long you barely flinch when you do it anymore. The way the blood dripped down your body was satisfying and you finally felt in control of something.

The hardest part was hiding it. Hiding your emotions. Hiding your scars and cuts all over your body. Hiding from Yoongi was so difficult, he cared so much for you even though you didn't always realise it. You were too caught up in your own emotions to recognise what his meant. At this point, you didn't care about anything, yes you loved him with all your heart but you didn't want him to suffer with you. You felt like he was only dating you out of sympathy. Although his feelings were genuine you had a constant voice in the back of your head telling you it's just fake. You made the mistake of believing that stupid little voice in your head.

You glanced at the clock, 10:34 AM, then you looked over at Yoongi who was on his phone texting or something. He looked up at you when he felt your stare, you avoided looking into his eyes as you reminded him that he had to go to work. He wondered why he had got so distracted but still grabbed his shoes and lightly kissed your forehead goodbye. Little did he know, it would be the last.

You carefully avoided eye contact and looked at the ground, you felt a lump in your throat as he said "goodbye, I love you". Your voice was too shaky to say I love you too but by then he was already outside. You watched as his car drove off patiently waiting for it to be out of sight so you can finally get on with the task you were longing to do.

After what seemed like an eternity, he was gone. And soon you will be too. Your head was filled with thoughts however your heart felt empty, you felt nothing inside. Your face was completely expressionless as you began to write your last words. You decided it was easier to leave him a text message, it's not like he'd see for a while anyway. You began to type...

I don't know when you are gonna read this but I want you to know that I love you, I can't deal with life right now and it will be for the best if I weren't here. I don't think you'd care that much but if you do I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I deserve this, I have lost all control and can't cope with this anymore. I just wish I could've said something before you left because I wanted to tel-

You stopped. Your eyes were blurry with tears, you gave up on writing the message and just proceeded to get on with what you had to do. You'd wanted this for so long but for some reason you were hesitant. You sat there lost in thought for a few moments, you decided to just go with it because you came to the conclusion that there really was no point staying alive.

You walked to the bathroom with your legs shaking underneath you, why were you so scared? This is what you wanted. You sighed whilst taking out a variety of pills from the cabinet, not bothering about reading the labels. You didn't care. You poured out as many as possible, however when you dropped a couple it still irritated you despite there being enough pills in your hand to kill you 5 times.