Roman

eighteen

"We'll be right back here before you know it, okay Sades?" She rubs my arms gently, one last time before giving Roman a small salute over my head and turning to lineup at the gate.

Reluctantly, I turn around and head towards my own gate. I almost run into Roman who is still standing behind me, looking at me intently. I crane my neck to look up into his eyes, trying to read the emotion there. He refuses to shift his gaze or move an inch, I slowly lower my gaze, feeling my face heat up.

"What are you doing?" I ask gently, almost afraid that I will startle him.

"Just looking at you," he says with a calm that I wasn't exactly expecting. It was as if he had every right to be doing just that.

"When do you board?"

"I still have 45 minutes. What about you?" This seems to have broken the spell, as he back away from me slowly. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"I still have about an hour."

"Do you want to go get some breakfast?"

I nod and shoot him a small smile. As he leads me across the airport, I grasp the back of his shirt to avoid losing him in the people milling around the food court. This time, he doesn't stop in his tracks like he did in Savannah. I find it oddly comforting to have this grasp on him. I end up not leaving my place from behind him the whole time that he orders us breakfast. I get a smoothie, while Roman gets half the menu.

We take our food and settle down on the floor, leaning against the windows, looking out at the quiet planes and the slow rising sun. The rich, deep hues of the dawn sun cascade through the windows and settle on Roman's high cheek bones. I try not to chug my smoothie while watching him eat. He somehow manages to still look attractive while shoveling a breakfast sandwich into his mouth.

Roman catches me looking at him and gives me a grin. "Like what you see, kid."

I just shake my head at him and turn away. I take another slow sip of my smoothie and lean my head back against the window and let my eyes close. I let the sun warm my skin through the window, I can tell through my eyelids that the color in the sky is becoming its usual bright color. I hate that the beautiful warm colors only stay long enough for you to miss them terribly, as the sun climbs to its height. Those colors tempt you with the beauty that the sky can hold but hardly does.

When I open my eyes, Roman is propped up against the window, mirroring my body language, only, he is looking at me with the same look in his eyes as he had before. I give him a small smile and check my watch; he still has 20 minutes.

"How long do I have?" He asks lazily.

"20."

"So, what should we talk about?" He still hasn't looked away from my eyes.

Still blushing under his gaze, I try desperately to come up with a topic of conversation. "What do you want to do after you finish at CU?" I move my backpack from between our legs so that I can scoot closer to him. Our shoulders are touching now and I tilt my head back against the window, looking up at the ceiling and feel Roman do the same.

"I think I might want to go to grad school. I've looked at some jobs around Denver; I haven't started looking here, but I'm not sure if I want to work yet. Hey," he says nudging my shoulder softly, "what about you? What do you think you want to specialize in?"

I look at him thoughtfully, "I'm not sure yet. I've thought about pediatrics because I love kids, but I don't know if I will be able to handle it when they aren't doing well. But I've also always wanted to be a maternity nurse." I smile shyly at him, I'm not sure why, but talking about our futures seems so intimate.

Roman just nods before letting out a long yawn. He shifts beside me until he can rest his head on my shoulder. This only lasts a few seconds until he sits up with a laugh, "Your shoulders are so bony."

I just laugh at him shaking my head. He takes his hoodie out of his backpack and uses it to pad my bony shoulders and puts his head back down. I don't miss it when he mumbles something about my chest being a much better pillow.

I can't tell if Roman is falling asleep or if he still wants to talk to me, so I just sit still in a comfortable silence. I listen to the buzz of the people milling around the airport, each person in their own separate world. I find it crazy how little people interact with each other. Here we all are, surrounded by hundreds of people, and yet we never even try to interact with any of them. I know that it's not just that easy of course, but the fear of social awkwardness or embarrassment seems to be too much for people to even try. I have always wished socializing came easy to me, but in truth, I have a hard time trusting people. I have never had very many friends, and for the most part, I have been okay with that, but I don't know what I am going to do without Naomi. I have survived the semester so far, but shouldn't I be doing more that surviving? I have acquaintances, sure, but I have yet to find someone that I really connect with.

I try not to think about what I will do in the coming years. I have these visions of Naomi deciding to stay in California, starting with school breaks, and then summers, then the rest of her life. I feel pathetic. She, of course, has no problem making friends; she is gorgeous, funny, faithful. I'm afraid that she is growing up without me, that I'm stuck in my past. I will always be the one sitting at home waiting for her to come home to me because she is the only person I have.

Looking down at Roman, I raise a silent prayer that he can become another person that will be there for me the way Naomi always is. Maybe with him I can move forward. Maybe with him I can escape my past. Maybe he won't leave me behind.