Where we are [JeongChan FF] ✔

16

Chan

We're back in the practice room, and it feels good. Having the nine of us altogether again.

The boys are seated on the floor as they await instructions but even I can tell that they're pleased with having all of us back here. They're all smiling. Even Jeongin.

Clapping my hands together, I nod. "Right, so let's see what we remember from the last practice and we can work on the rest," I instruct. "Positions."

Everyone immediately is immediately on a spot and one of us, though I don't take note of who, starts the music. It takes a beat before we start. We're switching places, getting close, moving away and we're halfway through with almost zero mistakes when I stop.

The rest of them stop as well and they turn to where I'm looking.

Jeongin stands idly by the mirror, his gaze set on us. It shifts until his brown eyes meet mine and then they shift. Over to the rest of the group I assume. And though his lips tug at the corners until he's smiling at us, I don't buy it for a second. His eyes aren't smiling like they usually do. There's something else in them, but I can't tell what.

"I guess I've fallen behind," he tells us softly. "I don't know any of those moves except the first."

I don't hide the fact that I'm a little annoyed. Walking over to him, I place a hand on his shoulder. "Innie, why didn't you say anything sooner?" I ask him. The annoyance seeps into my tone without my allowing it. It's like I have no control over it, but he doesn't know that. He does, however, know that I'm annoyed.

His voice is smaller as he justifies, "I wanted to observe the dance-"

"You could have observed the whole dance had you told us the second you didn't know what was going on," I interrupt. My arm falls to my side while I lift my other hand to pinch the bridge of my nose. 

"I'll go over the dance with him," Hyungjin says as he walks over to us as he places his hands on either of the younger's arms. "You guys see what you know and I'll go over it with him. I'll teach him and we'll join you once we have it down."

How do I say no to that?

"Fine. Yeah, sure." Turning to face the group, I jut my head in the direction they needed to scoot over to. "Let's try this again."

I don't look back at the two.

***

"Aren't you being a little hard on Innie? He just got out of the hospital."  Seungmin is looking at me like he's waiting for a specific response. We're walking back to the dorm but it's only the seven of us. Hyungjin stayed behind with Jeongin so they could continue going over the dance.  "You really can't blame him-"

"I'm not blaming him. I never said I did."

"But you got annoyed with him," Seungmin notes. "Like you expected him to just know."

Maybe he was right. I mean, I knew I was being hard on Jeongin but it's not like I meant to. The words were just leaving my mouth. It's not like I could do anything to stop them- But he doesn't know that, of course. None of them do.

"Look, we're home," Woojin pipes in. "Let's shower, dress and I'll see if we can get something to eat."

"With a movie?" Felix asks like that's the most concerning thing in the world. Assuming he's referring to the movies we rented out that were due tomorrow, the chances that it would end up being a Christmas one were quite high, not that we minded of course.

Woojin nods and somehow it becomes the biggest race of who will get inside first (Spoiler: It's Changbin.)

As we enter and slip off our shoes, I wait until they've all walked inside and are holding out their hands for rock-paper-scissors to decide who will shower first. Changbin, Felix, Jisung, Minho and Seungmin have formed a circle around the coffee table. My eyes scan the area until I've spotted Woojin in the kitchen.

Felix and Changbin disappear into the room and reappear with their items before going to the respective bathrooms. The other three sit on the couch, Minho taking the lot of movies we rented and turning to Jisung.

I finally step into the living room. "I'm heading off to bed."

Before any of them can question me, I'm in the room and shutting the door. Making my way over to the bed, I drop onto it and cover my face with my hands. I don't understand why I feel this way. This horrible, icky feeling running through me where it feels like my gut is twisting and instead of butterflies, I'm sitting with a bunch of in-use grappling hooks and knives and swords. And the more I think about Jeongin at the practice room, the more the feeling worsens. Like the knives are being twisted.

I feel terrible. Which is probably allowed because I mean, really, I treated him unfairly. But I can't understand why I feel this horrible. I never felt this bad when I've been horrible to the other members. Of course I still feel horrible but this... This is like triple the pain.

And I just wish I knew why.