Where we are [JeongChan FF] ✔

15

Jeongin

Avoiding someone in your group is one of the more difficult situations you can find yourself in. Especially when they're the leader. That's currently my situation. After seeing Chan and Woojin together the other day, I've been avoiding any one-on-one time. And though it's difficult, it's easier now that we're still on our little holiday before we have to get back to practice and all things related to our job. It's easier because as a group, we enjoy spending time with each other. In fact, it's all we've been doing. 

From the moment we woke in the morning until at least eight in the evening we would all just be in the living room binge watching different movies the elder hyungs came home with and we'd switch between ordering food and making it. I liked the days that we made it because we'd order desert and that was my favourite part if I'm being completely honest. Then when it was eight we'd disappear into our respective rooms and do whatever it was we did on our own. 

Sometimes the others would disappear in pairs and other times in trios. Sometimes Seungmin and Minho would come with me and we'd watch another movie before heading to bed. 

And more often than not, Woojin and Chan disappeared into a room together. 

"So!" Chan exclaims brightly from his position in front of the television as the rest of sat on the couch and stared at him. "Since it's our last day on this little holiday of ours, I think we should do something different. So with some planning on our side, Manager has agreed to let us have a trip to the movies!"

Almost everyone grins and jumps up in excitement and even I can't help but smile. It's been forever since I've been to the movies. And going with the group sounded like an awesome idea. It definitely would be easier to avoid Chan as well.  Hopefully.

"What movie are we going to see?" I ask softly as I shift myself forward on the couch.  Jisung bumps shoulders with me as nods in what I imagine is eagerness to know the answer to the question as well. 

"Well it was a tough decision," Chan replies. His smile has calmed. "But since it's been a while and I felt it was a necessity to watch..." He trails off. Tilting his head, he grins and shakes it a moment after. "I'll leave it to surprise. So let's all get ready and meet back here in the next hour."

With that, despite our groans of disagreement, the others are already getting up and making their way to their rooms, talking among each other excitedly as they try to figure out which movie it is that we're going to see. I sit a moment longer until they're all gone; all except Chan and Woojin. The latter makes his way to the room but stops for a moment and looks toward Chan. 

Chan smiles. "I'll be there in a sec," he assures the elder who nods and proceeds to the room.

Then his eyes fall on me. "Jeonginnie."

His eyes are the soft brown that they always are. His lips are pulled into that crooked smile of his; the one that never disappears. With all the avoiding I've been doing, I almost forgot how beautiful Chan always managed to look.

Snapping out of it, I look away. "Hyung," I reply after a moment.

"Let's get done. Have some fun before all the work starts again," he murmurs. I can feel the softness of every word he utters and I find myself consumed by them. Believing that it's true; that it's okay and that if we go, we'll have fun. That I'll be okay even after.

So I nod. 

Standing up, Chan and I walk together to our respective rooms. But I feel his gaze on me even as I disappear into my one. Seungmin and Minho turn to face me and they both smile. I smile back. 

Maybe it will be okay.

***

We're seeing Frozen 2. Which has the whole group excited, especially considering the fact that the last movie we watched together was the first one. 

But as my luck would have it, when we managed to get a row with nine seats beside each other, I ended up between Hyungjin and Chan. Secretly I think Chan picked the seat purposely from the whispers with Woojin and the constant glancing in my direction before the movie started. And honestly, I hate it.

Months ago, Chan and I were snuggling in bed to help each other sleep. And when we just needed a sense of comfort. Months ago, we were secretly sneaking to the lounge and watching movies when we couldn't sleep or he'd help me with my homework that I was still busy.

Now, he's barely around. He's always with Woojin and I never see him except for the group gatherings and the practices. 

These past few days since I've been out of hospital were hell. Simply because the person I wanted- and needed- next to me, was too busy doing who the hell knows what.

I try to justify it. Tell myself every single day that I should be fine with it because at the end of the day, Chan was having fun. Something he needed.

But something I couldn't give him, the voice reminds me.

"Popcorn?" Chan whispers, snapping me out of it. I focus on the screen where Elsa's walking past the ice sculpture people and punches Prince Hans' one, and then I look at Chan who has the box of popcorn held out to me. I decline softly and look back to the movie. Why hadn't I been focusing on it? Why was I letting my mind wander-

"I'm glad we did this," Chan whispers. He's talking to Woojin. 

"Me too. The boys needed this," replies the other and he leans closer to Chan and then Chan is leaning closer until his head is rested on Woojin's shoulder and the contact, the simple contact and the brief smiles I catch on both their faces with the little bit of light on them are annoying. 

So annoying.

I stand up, mumbling an excuse me as I make my way out of the theater and to the bathrooms. I can't.  I can't handle it. And I just don't understand. Why him? Why Woojin? Why them?  

Why not me-

I push the door despite not needing to and make my way into a stall, clenching my hands into fists as I grit my teeth, frustrated with all these feelings. Of having to constantly keep up this facade when in actual fact, the reality was right in front of me: I like Chan.

But he doesn't like me.

And I don't think he ever will.

"Jeonginnie? Are you still in here?" Seungmin calls out. "The movie's over so we're going to leave now."

Opening the stall door, I slip out and smile. "Okay hyung." Washing my hands, I wait outside the bathrooms for Seungmin, and when he eventually comes out, we walk back to the group. All the while he asks whether I'm okay, and I constantly reassure him that I'm fine.

Because I am. I have to be.

"Welcome back boys. We were just discussing what to do next," Chan informs us. He stands shoulder to shoulder with Woojin and I don't think I'd be able to handle this for the rest of today, so I murmur a response.

"Jeongin?"

"I'm feeling a little exhausted-"

"We should head home," Changbin insists. "We did say only a movie."

Nobody says a word, but we seem to somehow all be in agreement. Chan smiles. "So home?"

"Home," we chorus together.

A/N 

Sorry if this sucks...