If It Wasn't For That Night

Chapter 2

          I was young. Stupid. I made a mistake. One that still now I regret so much. But sometimes when I sit back and think about it, it doesn't feel like a mistake at all.

          I remember her sitting there beside me, with the moonlight making her glow like a celestial being. She lifted her head at an angle looking at me.  Then it happened. I told her everything. And when I finally got it all out, I felt better. Relieved. I just knew it had been the right thing. Agnetha just gasped and started crying. Did she not love me? Even if she didn't, I couldn't care less. 

          After hiding it for so many years, I finally said it. Even though I was just as shocked as she was, by what I had said. Was it true? Did I really love her? I guess I never realized just how much I loved her. So much that I told her everything. Everything that I never told Benny. He trusted me. We loved each other. But somehow, I knew it wouldn't last. Maybe from the first time I saw Agnetha, I knew. I'm still not sure, even now, so many years later.

          We just continued sitting there for a while. I started regretting having told her everything. Why did I do it? Maybe we were just not meant to be. Agnetha's sniffling continued for a while. Then it stopped.

          "Do you mind going in and letting me stay here in peace? I just need time to think." She looked nervous and her eyed were red from crying. Why would would she ask me to leave? She obviously needed someone there for her. I looked at her again. Properly this time. I guess she did need to be alone. 

          I smiled and nodded. "Sure. I'll talk to you tomorrow." I stood up and headed back to the tiny cottage. Does she hate me now? Maybe I shouldn't have said that. But it was the right thing to do.

          It was a warm night. Warmer than it usually was. Yes, it was in the middle of the summer, but it was still unusually warm. There was also this tense feeling in the air, as if something was going to happen.

          There I was, sitting peacefully outside, looking up at the starry night sky. Then, I heard the sound of a door closing, and I saw her. Frida standing there. Looking guilty. So guilty. Like she had been hiding something from me for long time. Then she said it. The words that will be forever etched into my memory for as long as I live.

          "I love you, Agnetha." I sat there dumbfound. Could it really be true? Was it even possible? I looked at her again. Yes. She really said it. Tears flowed out of my eyes before I could stop them. I shook my head. Wiped the tears from my eyes. I didn't know what to do. I just sat there. Looking like an idiot. And she told me everything. The stress from ABBA. The feelings she had always felt for me. Everything. And deep inside I felt the same for her though I didn't know at the time.

          I gulped. "Do you mind going in and letting me stay here in peace? I just need time to think." Frida nodded. She looked almost sad. Did I hurt her feelings?

          "Sure. I'll talk to you tomorrow." She stood up and left.

          As I opened the door, I saw Bjorn sitting on the couch looking worried. "Have you seen Agnetha?" he asked.

         "She's outside. I was just talking to her. She seems upset so maybe you could go and comfort her." I smiled awkwardly and went into my room. Benny was already there fast asleep.

         I heard Bjorn go out the door. After 30 minutes or so I heard the door open again. Agnetha and Bjorn exchanged some words. I lay there, almost complete silence, except for the soft occasional sniffles from the bathroom. I gulped. I didn't expect Agnetha to be so upset. What if she stops talking to me? I hoped that wouldn't happen. I truly loved her. I didn't know what I'll do without her.

          I sat there. Did Frida really love me? Was this some kind of joke? I wasn't sure. Slowly I stood up and started walking back. I saw a shadow moving towards me. Did Frida come back? Didn't she understand that I just wanted to be left alone? "Frida..."

          I flinched. It was Bjorn. "I guess you and Frida are really best buddies now." He laughed. I smiled weakly.

          "Yeah..."

          "She told me you were upset so I came over to see if everything was fine. Are you all right?" He looked concerned for me.

          I tried making sure there were no traces of tears. What would he do if he found out? "I'm fine. Just a bit tired that's all." I kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Nothing for you to worry about. Go back and sleep."

          By now, we had reached the cottage. "OK, then. Don't sleep to late," he said. I nodded. Then, I went to the bathroom, locked myself in, and cried.