I've worn this mask for as long as I can remember, from a young age my parents made me talk and dress to a certain standard, their standard, high class.
I hated it but was told your elders must be obeyed, that's right obeyed not respected or somebody to look up to, I was brought up to be scared if I didn't do what they wanted.
Looking back I remember this one time when I did decide to go against them, I wanted to play with some local kids in the park and ended up falling off the climbing frame, someone went and got my parents, which was fine they were caring whilst people were watching, but when we got home, well it was a totally different matter, that night seemed to last a life time, the darkness and dampness mixed with no food and drink along with the pain from the beating I got, but to them it was what I deserved and I just presumed all children were treated the same.
I managed to become this invisible person through most of my school years, the library became my best friend, I would spend most of my time reading fantasy books about magical lands, these books never had rainy days without the sun making a appearance to produce an amazing sky full of colours, the total opposite to my life.
Then one cloudy autumn's day that changed, I didn't really understand why that day you chose to come sit with me under the willow tree, and to this day I still find it hard to believe.
I tried so hard to ignore you but you were persistent and gradually I found myself looking for you, getting butterflies inside, it felt good really good.
We would sit for hours under that tree after school, I ending up telling you things so deep, yet you didn't judge me once.
I still regret not standing up to my parents and telling them about us sooner, but I wasn't ready and the day I finally was, was the day you didn't show up, I waited hours, I knew it was to good to be true, I cried myself to sleep that night.
Now I cry because I got it so wrong, when I heard on the news that a boy had been killed running across the road, I knew it was you and I knew you were running to meet me.
That day was ten years ago now and I hope I've made you proud, I told my parents about us, they presumed we were up to no good and chucked me out, but I'll never regret our time together, you helped me remove the mask they had me wear, and I visit our tree just to feel near to you, the carving we made is still there.
I don't know why things happen the way they do, but you taught me I would only get to live that fantasy story if I was true to myself about who I really am, and now I think I'm finally understanding, I just wish you were here to share it with me.......
