Wounded Not Defeated

8: Blaze

A/N.... Okay so I've been looking forward to writing this chapter, I don't know why but I love writing about him... No. I am not in love with Blaze Max.
1: he's gay
2: I have a boyfriend
3: HE'S NOT REAL!
Btw: I don't know if this is going to be crap so...yea.... But anyways for Jade... Just a filler chapter! Story time!
I woke up to the smell of bleach and a beeping noise. My wrists hurt and stiff and I also have a pounding headache, I don't remember anything but all I do know is that it feels wrong to be alive. I was supposed to die. Oh yeah, now I remember. I almost committed suicide. Almost. Should have been 'I committed suicide'. But I guess not. I open my eyes to see my mom siting in the chair, sleeping, with a tear stained face, she looks like she has aged from the last time I saw her. Even in her sleep she looks worried. I do feel a little guilt but why should I? It's all their fault. It's everyone else who can't accept me. I guess she felt me staring at her in her sleep because she woke up. No smiles, warm hugs and kisses, no 'oh thank god you woke up and you're okay,' nothing. Except stares, but the stares turned into disappointed looks to pissed off looks to 'you have a lot of explaining to do young man' looks. But that might be because of my sweet and caring suicide note left on my door. *Note the sarcasm* She just kept giving me looks and the deathly silence was killing me. I wish it were literal. Finally,
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Why the fuck are you giving me looks for then? Hmm?"
"I'm disappointed."
"So am I, mom. But not at myself. At you." I said, blood raising to a simmer,
"Disappointed at me? Boy, I think you've had way too much blood loss. What did I do? Humor me. I'd like to know what I have done so wrongly to make me almost lose my one and only son forever, when all I've done for you is feed you, take care of you, house you, and give you everything you wanted." Her voice becoming hoarse,
"But you forgot something."
"What in gods name did I forget?" She started to yell,
"Yes you've done everything for me, but accept me for me. Mom, I'm gay and you're going to have to realize it sooner or later. You already had a rude awakening, but I guess that didn't phase you at all did it?" I gave her a questioning look,
"Really. You are going to sit here and tell me how I didn't care that I was watching my son die in front of me because of everyone else? You're going to tell me how I felt?" Tears daring to fall, but she won't allow like most things I ask her.
"Not just everyone else, you also. Let me be a metaphor or symbol of how badly being alone and helpless, who nobody cares about, or being bullied effects human beings. It fucking sucks. And yes I'm telling you how you felt because you are still being the ignorant asshole everyone else is. You should just be grateful I'm not dead and not be sitting here fucking yelling at me for something that I had full control of and my decision. It was my decision, not yours. Suicide is a human right. Get the fuck over it or fucking leave."
Without a word, she got up, walked out and left me in this cold lonely white room. I look around and there's a bag in the other chair sitting next to the chair my mom was sitting in. I dig through it, it mostly had clothes but at the very bottom was my blood covered phone. I'm guessing it was my blood. I call Fran.
"Is that really you? Please tell me you're alive!"
"Yes."
"Yes what?"
"I'm alive." I said giving her the 'duh...' tone, but she didn't catch it.
"Thank god! I'm coming over. Wait, where are you?"
"Hospital."
"Graint hospital right?"
"Yup."
"Okay I'll be right there!"
And she hung up. That's cool. *Sarcasm!* I sit in my bed and start to fall asleep, until my older sister swung the door open and attacked me with hugs,
"BLAZE!!! My little baby brother. What have they done to you? My poor little bro. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you didn't die." Her sentences should have ended with exclamation points because she was yelling in my ear. Bursting my ear drum and making my headache worse.
"Hi."
"That's it? A hi? After almost dying? Aren't you glad you have a second chance at life?" Still yelling...
"No. Not really." I said unamused,
"Huh? So you mean you would rather be dead than sitting here with me?" She started to get teary eyed, God, I'm not even that sensitive and I'm gay! What's her excuse?
"Look sis, I was meant to die. We all have our time when we have to go and that was my time but mom saved me and now it feels like a sin to be alive."
"That was not your time."
"How do you know?"
"I just do. You are much to young."
"Infants die! And kids much younger than me because of cancer."
"You don't have cancer. You did this to yourself."
"I know, I think I'm aware I cut my own fucking wrists with a box cutter blade."
"Don't be that little sarcastic shithead that I can't stand. That's not the point I was trying to make. My point was you did it. It wasn't because of 'natural causes' that made you die at a young age. Blaze, your a fucking coward."
She started to piss me off.
"How the fuck am I a coward?"
"You didn't suck it up. You took the easy way out and didn't fight."
"Are you fucking kidding me? Were you there? I did too fight. The fuck? How do you think suicide is the easy way out? I was taking my life away so other people could be happy. If anything I was being generous." I said as a matter of factly,
"You're a fucking idiot. And you're immature. You were being selfish. There are actually people who care about you, whether you want to believe it or not. You are a coward and that's all you'll ever be. Why?"
"Why what? The fuck?"
"Why did you almost kill yourself?"
"Because....Mom didn't tell you?" She shook her head 'no.' I sigh,
"Because....Why wouldn't she?"
"Can you just tell me?!"
"Alright, because everyone won't accept me and I get bullied."
"For what?!"
"I'm gay."
"What?!?!"
"See. Now you're going to judge me and hate me like everyone else does. That's why I didn't want to tell you because of it."
"I still love you baby bro. I think you're just going through a stage, that's all. Just because you are different doesn't mean you're less cool or less of a person. I've made out with a few of my friends that are girls, but I'm straight. And the make out sessions didn't mean anything, we were just bored. Get a girlfriend and then you'll see what I mean by you going through a stage."
"Okay." But I didn't want a girlfriend. I want a boyfriend. And I don't want to be alone anymore. My sister walked out and in came a crazily happy, overexcited, Fran. She looked as if she has had four cups of coffee.
"YOU'RE OKAY!!!! IM SO HAPPY! THANK GOD!" She hugged me so some of her yelling was muffled by my chest. Then I had this idea, even though she knows that I'm gay, she'll just be a cover. And plus she's already getting picked on a little bit because of her spirit, not ghost they take being called a ghost offensive, but because of her spirit problem. So I mean it wouldn't effect her popularity at all. While I'm making this plan, she's still rambling on how happy she is to see me.
"Can I ask you something?" I say rudely budding into whatever she was rambling on about now.
"Sure."
"Will you be my g-girlfriend?"
"But I thought you were gay?"
I could go two ways with this, I could say I am but just want her as a cover or... I could say I was just going through a stage and I really do like her.
"Nah. It was just a stage I was going through, I really do like you. A lot actually."
Choice number two. She's going to hate me when I break her heart.
"Really? I really hoped so, I mean I've always liked you. I mean, God, you're hot. I-I just I don't know. Just. Really? Are you seriously asking?"
"Yeah."
"Yes. Then yes I will be your girlfriend. Are we going to kiss? Are you going to tell your parents? I mean like you almost committed suicide because you thought you were gay. Oh god I hope I don't break your heart, you are a lot more fragile than my other ex-boyfriends. I need to be careful." Then after she covered her mouth like she said something bad,
"I'm so sorry I talk way too much. And plus I had like four cups of coffee because I stayed up all night seeing if you were alive and okay. I missed a state exam because of you. But it was worth it. I love you, Blaze. Oh wait. Too soon. Way too soon."
"It's okay, I love you too." I lean in and as does she. We kiss. It was like her lips were fireworks exploding everywhere and... No. Just no. I kiss boys not girls, I like boys not girls. I'm just using my best friend. Wow, I am one sick asshole bastard.
Even after she pulled away, my eyes were closed, then I opened them and she looked like a little innocent anime girl that just kissed a bad boy with her rosy red cheeks and her hands covering her plush lips. I wished I kissed a bad boy, but she looked so damn cute. Like she's been caught. I couldn't take it, I pulled her into me and gave her a hug. Then I lifted her chin, her beautiful sapphire blue big eyes, her small but plump lips, her long thick black eyelashes. How could anyone not think she's gorgeous? I closed my eyes and leaned in. Her lips met mine and we just sat there, kissing. I breathed in her smell. She smelled like Victoria Secret and a hint of mint.
"Listen Blaze, I'm sor-r-y, Blaze?" My mom stared at me confused.
"Hi, Mrs. Max." Fran blushed,
"Tell me. Why are you kissing my son when he's gay?"
Oh sure now she defends me.
"Oh, no, he's not gay, I'm his girlfriend."
My mom acted like she choked on something,
"Girlfriend? Oh no, my son is gay. That's why he almost committed suicide. No, my son is gay."
"Okay, if that's what you want to believe, then go right a head." I could tell she was pissing my mom off. Good. About time someone pisses her off besides me.
"You know what, Blaze. You just like to act. This is all a game for you isn't it. I'm so hurt that you think it's funny to almost kill yourself and scare the shit out of your mother for no fucking reason!"
My sister walked in as my mom was having a breakdown.
"Whoa, whoa, wait. What's going on? Who's that girl? Why's mom flipping out and crying? I just missed a shit load of drama! I need to be around this family more."
"That his girlfriend!" My mom said in between sobs. "And he's a game player and fucks with people's heads just to have a good laugh."
"Ohhhh. I see what you did little bro. Wait! You actually listened to me? You listened! For once in your life you listened to your big sister! I love you little bro!"
While she was celebrating me listening to her, my mom stared at her confused, but then something I guess clicked in her brain.
"You told him to get a girlfriend?!"
"Uh, yeahh."
"Why?"
"Because I told him he's going through a stage." And it just went down hill from there, my mom screamed at my sister, my sister screamed at her. Fran just looked at me, I chuckled and shrugged my shoulders.
So long chapter, hope it was somewhat good. So maybe Blaze isn't as gay as he thought he was....
-Alex;)