If It Wasn't For That Night

Chapter 1

          It all started from the day I met Agnetha. The moment we met I knew there was something special about us. Something different than anything else I had ever known. 

          At first I didn't think much about it. But now I know. Maybe if I had done something different at the time, things would have been different. Maybe we would have been happier, I'm not sure. I do know that everything changed since that one night. The night we confessed our feelings for each other, I knew nothing would ever be the same. 

          Even before I realized my true feelings for Agnetha, I knew. That the was something special about her. Something different than anything else I had ever known. She was just so... beautiful. Like an angel from heaven. So unique in every way.

           I thought we were just close friends. Almost like sisters in a way. It was almost like she could understand my thoughts and I could understand hers. We knew each other so well. Even after so many years, I still don't believe I didn't realized it sooner. I was so blind. The answer was right before my very eyes.

          I should have known earlier. If we did, it might not have turned out this way. I should have known. I should have known...

          I remember her so well. Her warm hand holding mine. Her beautiful face against mine. So near. Yet so far away. She was right in front of me, just there all the time. I could have done anything but I didn't.

          What we had between us was something indescribable. It was a different kind of love from Bjorn's. So much more desirable. It was mine. It was.

          I didn't think it would end up that way. If I knew, maybe I would have done differently. Our love was so passionate. So true. But it wasn't meant to be that way. We weren't meant to be in love. We wanted to love each other. The world didn't. We wanted to be each others. The world didn't. If we had known, we might not have made that decision. The decision to call each other our own.

            It wasn't like your typical love story. It took a long time to realize that the warm fuzzy feeling I had whenever I thought of Agnetha, was love. But when I did, I couldn't turn back.

           It started one night, the first night I saw her. It was only a momentary glance. I heard her singing. I knew then that fate destined us to be friends. Just friends I thought then. I was wrong. And I'm glad I was.

          Sometimes I wished it stayed that way. Us being to friends. But it didn't. And I know it couldn't either, no matter how hard I tried.

          Then Benny took me to meet his best friend. Benny, the only person I thought I could ever love. I don't remember what I thought when I saw her sitting next to Bjorn looking shy and slightly awkward. I do remember me blurting out having seen her before. She just continued smiling awkwardly as if nothing had happened.

          It stayed that way for a while. Really awkward. After a while we just stood up and left. Apparently Benny had an idea that we would make a good band. I was reluctant at first. Not sure if I wanted to get into this. Eventually I gave in. It became a decision I never regretted.

         The first time I saw her at that music competition, I didn't think much about it. Just another random person that I will meet in my life. Then she started singing. She was different. She was special.

          Then I saw her again. She said something. I'm not really sure. I was too focused on the fact that it was her. Her.

          I suppose I had always known what would have happened. How our relationship will turn out. I had Bjorn. I was happy. But with Frida, it was happiness that made the love I felt with Bjorn feel like nothing compared to this.

          We continued sitting there. No one really said anything else. After a while they stood up and left. I just went in room and lay there. Bjorn came in. He sounded concerned for me. I don't remember. All I thought was that she was here. Here. And I did nothing about it.

          I was guilty for a while. I shouldn't be thinking these thoughts. I shouldn't. But I couldn't help it. I really couldn't.

          Then me and Bjorn married. I admit I looked out for her there. She didn't come. Not like I expected her to. We hardly knew each other. But still. So I forgot all about it. Put it in the back of my mind. Bjorn was the one I loved right? I wasn't sure.

          The Eurovision contest told the whole world who we were. ABBA. That was who we were. That was what we always were. But now everyone knew what we were. They were buying our records. Talking about us. They loved us.

          I admit it was stressful. But it was what I always wanted. I have many wonderful memories singing for those people out there. Being who I always wanted to be.

And as we grew popular, I was started to work more and more with Agnetha. She became my best friend. We had a special connection. One I never really understood until that night. The night where finally I acknowledged my true feelings for her.

           I liked recording in the studio. Doing what I had always done. It was where I felt unstoppable. But now the songs that I recorded together with Frida were big. They needed to be perfect. We spent a lot of time on the island Viggso. Bjorn and I had a cottage there so we spent most of our time there creating new songs. Everyone was depending on it. I've had always wanted to be a singer but this was to much for me. I didn't think I could take it anymore.

          Then I started having these dreams. Dreams of Frida. At first I didn't think much of it. I saw her almost every day now. Dreams are just based on random thoughts and memories people have. It's no big deal. Plus, ABBA was the new big thing. We needed to be focused. Not get side-tracked. But I knew deep down there was something wrong. Did I really think of her that much?

          I didn't want to tell Bjorn. I don't know why. Maybe I didn't want him to worry. Or maybe I was afraid of what he would think. I guess he was also too busy with creating new songs for ABBA to listen to me. I should have. Maybe I would be happier than I am now.

         I guess it doesn't matter now. It all changed after that night. The night I found out everything I knew about Frida was a lie.