Leave you wanting more

Chapter 21

I load the crowded plane. I'm hoping that we won't be on here for too long before taking off. I was able to get a cheap flight, but that meant I had to walk a short distance from the airport on the tarmac to get to the plane. Which wouldn't be a big deal, if it wasn't 100 degrees out.

Also, to save money, I only checked one bag, so I am carrying an additional suitcase as a carry on. So hauling that, in addition to the heat and the minute walk, I am hopelessly waiting for the air to hit full blast and this plane to get up in the air.

I take out my phone to turn it on airplane mode.

Lucas: Have a safe trip. I'm thinking about you.

There is no fighting the smile that spreads across my face.

Lorraine: Taking off shortly!

I took a big risk. I know it was a good decision that provided amazing experience and opportunities, but I left everything with Lucas very awkward, at least for me.

I finally admitted out loud to myself about my feelings. I couldn't hold back the gasp that came from my mouth at the realization that everyone around me found out at the same time as I did.

I was lucky that Lucas didn't hear the confession. I didn't know how I wanted to handle it. There was too much going on in my life that I couldn't handle a relationship. Yes, I felt the deja vu. The irony was not lost on me.

I had this great opportunity in front of me and I would have been lying if I said I wasn't going to take it. I knew the second I saw the letter what I was going to do. I just needed time to rationalize it before making such a big decision.

At the same time, Lucas was the one that had been helping me find myself. He wasn't just making me happy, but he was helping me become responsible for my own happiness.

So I decided, I wasn't going to act on my feelings. Our friendship means too much to me, so I kind of pretended I didn't feel anything for him.

I don't even know if the feelings are mutual.

I was optimistic that the distance provided by the internship would allow me time to process and possibly move on from my feelings.

My hope was, that when I returned from the summer internship, I would no longer want Lucas romantically. That way, we could continue our amazing friendship.

Unfortunately, for me, that didn't happen.

The plane finally begins its ascension and I find myself nervous for what will happen when I land.

I've played it over and over in my mind, but I know I had to stop. I was not going to go through all the possible outcomes throughout my whole two hour plane ride. I couldn't do that.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I do what Lucas taught me. I was going to be in control of my thoughts and feelings. The thought of him and the scenery he showed me calmed me instantly.

Sitting here on this plane, I decided that I wasn't going to think about what ifs. Instead, I decided to relish in all my happy memories; girl's night with Caroline and Kristina, spending time with Cody, my friendship with Colton, and my feelings for Lucas that I couldn't deny any more.

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When the plane finally landed, I tried my very best to not run off.

I was too excited.

I grabbed my bags and made my way to the terminal, which is where I am now. Waiting for my ride to pick me up.

I check my phone to make sure I provided the correct time and information. I did, so I am a little confused why I'm still waiting.