Stigma 2 | Mark Lee & Huang Xuxi

Chapter 19: Summer

Jenny's POV - Thursday - 9:12 pm

A month has passed since the break up. Tomorrow is my last day of classes before summer break starts.

Whenever it was a holiday or a break, I always spent it in South Korea. But considering the current situation, I didn't want to go to South Korea.

Of course I wanted to see everyone. But seeing Mark was a possibility. And I don't know what seeing his face would do to me.

A whole month of not talking. It was excruciating, I had to hold myself back whenever I wanted to message him, call him or reach out to him in any way. I would compose messages and then delete them.

It felt so weird, not being obliged to update him. I could go anywhere, be with anyone and he didn't have to know. I didn't have to tell him anything and I felt free. But at the same time, I had the urge to tell him, because I wanted to update him. I wanted to talk to him, tell him how my day has been. And then I would shrug that feeling off.

Everyone from NCT would check up on me from time to time. But it was only two weeks after the break up, that I finally decided to reply to everyone.

The dreamies were careful to not mention Mark. The 99 liner GC was practically dead, but they would individually message me instead. Especially Lucas. He somehow always had time to message me, and I was just amazed. He was one of the members with a packed schedule, but he made time to message or check up on me. I didn't know why he put so much effort, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

The older members would occasionally message from time to time, I didn't really expect them to message often. Besides from Johnny, Taeyong, Doyoung, Taeil and Jaehyun, I wasn't that close to everyone else. I had friendly and good relationships, but we weren't that close.

Jaehyun was awfully less clingy though. Even if he couldn't message often, you could actually feel how clingy he is when he does. But ever since my last trip to South Korea, there was definitely distance between me and him. And, I personally didn't know what to do with it. I do want to talk to him, but it was hard. He was the only person Mark told everything to and the fact he knows why Mark kept everything from me, it bothers me.

A month went by and I was relatively okay. Excluding the part I have to drink Xanax daily, I was doing better than I thought I would.

I got to hangout with Lee, Damon, and Jess more often, since I didn't have to stay at home waiting to video call with Mark. There was a lot of things I got to do more, because I wasn't stuck on my phone, on my laptop or any gadget waiting to talk to him. Of course, I didn't mind waiting for him, I loved it. But, I also enjoy the idea of having time on my hands. Where my actions and choices, only affects me and no one else.

It felt nice to be free. Being with Mark had so many restrictions, literally and metaphorically there were restrictions.

Summer is starting and everyone had plans. I didn't want to stay in Chicago, but I didn't want to go to South Korea either.

I want to have fun. I want to explore. I want to travel somewhere. But at the same time, I wanted to see the faces I missed. No matter how often I go home to South Korea, I'll always miss seeing them.

Even my parents had plans and I wasn't included. Apparently they were going to revisit the place they had their honeymoon. And that was enough information for me to get the hint that they we're literally going to revisit the place and the things they did.

I was sprawled on the bed like a starfish, my stomach facing down. "What will I do this summer?"

My face was lying on it's right cheek so I turned my face to lie on it's left cheek. Which gave me a view of my vision board and how I haven't taken down my photos with Mark. As I kept staring, a memory of Mark pops up.