Kiwi // H.S. // A.U.

Chapter Forty-Five

EMMA

I slept better than I had for the last couple days, but it still wasn't enough. Everything I had pushed aside last night came crumbling back in my sleep, weird dreams bothering me all night. Harry's warmth and presence had kept me calm enough to fall asleep rather quickly, the feeling of his hand slipping up the back of my shirt, gently caressing my skin, like a soft melody.

Feeling the puff of air hitting my forehead every few seconds after I was so desperate to feel him for so long, was everything I had asked for. He had been so sweet all night, watching me, holding me, and that kiss was... I don't think I could ever forget the feeling he gave me when his lips met mine, not a shred of hesitation at the fact that we were surrounded by people we knew.

That peace that had encompassed us last night was gone. I woke up feeling everything. Stress and anger, the feeling that I could be crushed by life any second. It all just built and built, and ignoring it last night seemed to only make it worse.

I still had an ex who wanted nothing more than to hurt me. I had a destroyed apartment that I couldn't live in any longer, and wasn't sure I wanted to. He had taken away a space from me that had acted as a cocoon of protection at some of my lowest times. My home wasn't a constant reminder of Jake, like work was. He had never stayed the night at my place, the most coming to pick me up while spewing comments about how trashy it is.

He had ruined that safe space for me.

I was worried about Harry's reaction. Millie had told me that he had nearly had a breakdown when he couldn't get ahold of me, and guilt had immediately plagued me. I was so stressed about the Harry aspect of it all. I didn't want to be a burden on him. I didn't want to add to his anxiety, and it seemed like that was all I was doing.

I hadn't even had a chance to tell him about Peter. I declined all the calls from my mom since I left, just needing time to myself. I knew she was seeing him. I knew it in my gut. I couldn't work out how it made me feel, though. I was angry and sad, but I had grown up training myself to not care about him. He didn't want us, and that was made very clear to me at the grocery market.

I stayed in bed for an hour, relishing the feel of his arm around me. He was in a deep sleep, the memory of him mumbling about how he couldn't sleep without me anymore before it overcame him, playing in my head. My mind was working in overdrive as I laid in bed.

After a while I took my phone, unplugging it, and looking through my notifications. My mom had sent me a happy New Year's text late last night and asked me to call her when I woke up. It was seven in the morning, so I would give her another hour to sleep. I knew I needed to bite the bullet and just talk to her, but I was scared about what she had to say.

I check my e-mails last, not thinking that there was possibly anything important in there. I usually just got spam and coupons from different shoppes I had randomly signed up for. My heart dropped, though, when I saw an email from my insurance company. Opening it quickly, eyes scanning the contents I felt any bit of hope deflate.

Apparently, my home insurance had expired several months ago, so they couldn't claim anything from the break-in. That would bankrupt my savings. I had to replace my bed, TV, dresser, and couch. All my plates and kitchenware, and most of my clothes were ruined. Every penny I saved for my own house, money that I had put away for years to accrue interest was going to be used to replace everything.

I would basically be starting from scratch and living like I used to. Now there was no choice but to stay in my shitty apartment instead of moving to a nicer one when my lease was up, because I didn't have the money. On top of all this, I might even have to pay for a lawyer if anything with Jake goes to court, so I will be poorer than I think I am.