NEVER TELL// N.S.

nineteen

After telling Nikki that we should wait before finding a place together, he was upset. Since I didn't want to ruin our date, I had decided to talk to him about it once we got back home. 

Flashback

"Nikki its not that I don't want to live with you, we are now. I just don't want to uproot Ash right now. And honestly if something happen between us, I am not going to be left with no where to live." "I wouldn't do that to you", I could tell Nikki was pissed he was talking in a low almost growl voice. "We just started dating, your divorce isn't even final yet. Its not the right time.", "So when is? When Ash graduates? Or goes to college? You tell me Ry", Nikki grabs a blanket and pillows and walks out of the bedroom. I just stand there and sigh.

Since I am all alone in the bedroom, I sit on my bed and decide to get a shower. Walk in and I let the water warm up, once in I just let all the beautiful hot water run over me. I just wanted to get all the hair spray, make up off. This isn't me, why do I continue to get dolled up, do my hair, why? I am a mom, I go to work, I take care of my child. Once in a while I will do my make up and hair. Like we use to on the weekends. But ever since I got with Nikki I have been doing it almost everyday. I'm done trying to be someone I'm not. I told him I wasn't moving from here right now, and I'm going to stick with it, I'm standing my ground.

The next morning me and Becca are sitting drinking coffee, Ash is still asleep, and Nikki of course is still on the couch. I was explaining to Becca what had gone on last night, because obviously she saw Nikki on the couch, when heard some groans coming from that direction. So I put my finger to my lips, so that Becca wouldn't bring it up with him around. He walked in the kitchen where we are, I chose not to speak to him, but Becca did. "Hey want some coffee?", Nikki just nodded his head. He lean down and kissed the top of my head before sitting beside me. I just avoided eye contact because I know I would break down if I looked at him, even though all he did was sleep on the couch, it hurt me. But I wasn't going to let him know that. 

Most of the morning we sat there and chatted, until Ash got up, once she was up and around I started on breakfast. Nikki came up to me while I was cooking, "Can we talk about last night?", "No I already said everything", I went right back to what I was doing. "Listen I'm sorry I dumped that on you last night, I am. I just want you and Ash with me all the time.", "I understand what you are saying, but this is home to her. When you leave to go on tour she won't have this normal there." "It will be her home, why are you so scared?", "Listen I am not going to get into this right now, I told you my reason", I continued with what I was doing. 

I knew my reason's for not wanting to do it, but there were other things in play....would I ever tell him?