Belonging | Alec Lightwood

(26) Male Anatomy

She was too easy to tease.

"Ignore it all you want Muffin, but there are thousands of Shadowhunter's, but great love comes once in a lifetime if one is lucky, and one would be a fool to let it go" Magnus says poignantly, stopping to stand next to Clary both their eyes on me; yet they didn't look teasing or mischievous but rather consumed in knowing my response.

But if I didn't know the way I felt, I couldn't exactly tell them.

"In truth, I don't know how I feel about Alec..." I start, gnawing at my lip nervously. "I know that I care about him and he has a way of making me vulnerable and open... but that scares me, because I don't know what he's thinking or what he wants or even feels, it's like he's an open book but I don't know how to read"

"Does that even make sense?" I exasperate, my eyes lifting and meeting the other, confusion evident in my outwards palms and furrowed brow.

"It makes sense biscuit, that's what love is; a whirlwind of confusion and emotions. Sucks right?" Magnus replies, a knowing grin on his face, indicating he's probably felt what I feel a hundred times over.

And he was right, it did suck.

It sucked major ass.

"Have you tried talking to him about it? Or even trying to read his body language when you're together, Alec's pretty stoic but even I can see how his demeanour completely changes around you" Clary smiles, her eyes glancing back at me as she tidies the table of her art books, stacking and re-stacking all her things.

Tidying was habit Clary had when she was nervous.

And I guess with the situation, she had a lot to be nervous about.

"Pftt" I scoff out, a bitter laugh escaping my lips "I've barely had any time to talk to Alec about anything let alone our feelings and reading his body language is completely off the table, whenever we're together all I can do is try and stop my heart beating my ears, never mind read Alec." I sigh, ignoring the massive smirks exchanged between Magnus and Clary as they telepathically fangirl about me expressing how I feel.

Pansies.

"And even if I wanted to I couldn't decipher Alec; he's like a goddam puzzle with pieces missing... I mean, even after our kiss I couldn't figure out what he was think-"

Shit.

I immediately halt my sentence, but by the gasp and complete silence in the room, I know that they heard.

And I had royally fucked up.

Fan-fucking- tastic

"You and Alec kissed?!" Clary exclaims loudly, her voice tripling in octaves as a huge smile overtakes her face, her hands simultaneously coming up to cup over her mouth as she giggles like a literal school girl.

You'd think she just kissed her crush and not me.

Well, not crush, I didn't mean crush.

It just- slipped out...

"Clary, shh" I groan, covering my face with embarrassment.

"I need to go get the glitter out, we need to celebrate!" Magnus exclaims jumping forwards to leave with a huge teeth showing smile on his face. However, as soon as the words escape his lips, I lunge forwards like a predator to it's prey and yank him by his lapels backwards.

"No!" I hiss, "No fucking glitter, no fucking giggling, nothing. No one can know about this because everyone will make it into something"

"It is something" Clary states with a frown, evidently confused. I watch Magnus shake his with a pout, probably upset that I denied him an excuse to pop out the glitter.