The Wolf Among Us (Completed)

Chapter 10 - Guilt

"We know, man. We forgive you, and I've got you. Just let it out."

"We will find Sammy," Zemora assured him.

For the remainder of the night, hoards of citizens combed the canyon, searching for any signs of where the coyotes might have dragged Samson's body. Estera walked beside Magnus, her hand in his, and her mind absent as her boots crunched over twigs and moss covering the ground. She kept looking for a way to escape - to run when no one was looking, but where would she go? Not only that, but it would make her look guilty.

And she was guilty, wasn't she?

The question played in her mind over and over again throughout the search while Magnus gripped her hand as if letting go would shatter what little composure he had left. By the time daylight broke on the horizon, Samson had yet to be found, and Jupiter insisted that everyone go home and rest while he continued the search alone. However, they all objected, insisting right back that they would stay. His lips began trembling with his face on the verge of crumbling as he held back a cry.

Others in the crowd began weeping, and Estera felt her body sway as if an imaginary ripple had gone through the group. Or maybe it was her guilt causing her knees to buckle? Then she realized that, for the first time since the search began, Magnus had let go of her hand to pull his father into a hug. She averted her eyes, unable to bear the fact that she was the cause of their grief.

But warriors didn't feel guilt or the need to apologize. Yet why did her heart carry the weight of an elephant?

"We'll find him. We'll find him," Magnus repeated to his father like a mantra.

But they didn't find him, and after several more hours of searching, they decided to stop and accept Samson's fate.

∆∆∆

In the days that followed, Estera watched Magnus deteriorate as he mourned for his brother. At night he slept in Samson's bed, and in the mornings, he struggled to leave it. She found herself helping him sit up, forcing him to shower, and practically spoon-feeding him so that he would eat. Jupiter was worse. He locked himself in his room and refused to exit. At night, she would press her ear to the door and hear him crying. It only compounded the guilt she was already feeling, yet she couldn't bring herself to leave.

With everything that happened, there was one crucial thing that Estera had forgotten: her arrangement to meet with Dev.

At the trading post, he promised to travel north within a few days, and present her with a plan. The night had finally arrived, and she sat through dinner, eyeing the clock while Magnus kept his head down, pushing around the food on his plate.

"You have to eat," she said, taking in the ebony facial hair now covering his gaunt cheeks. She studied the wiry grey flecks scattered in it and reached out to caress his jawline. "You need to take better care of yourself."

"I'm tired, Estera." He pulled away. "Think I'll go lay down."

"I'll help you to bed then."

"No." He shook his head quickly. "You've done enough."

The words hit her like a slap. If he only knew exactly how much she had done. Her eyes followed him as he left the room, and then she sat back, exhaling a breath. She wasn't sure how much more she could take with so much shame yoking her shoulders.