Kurtis Conner x Reader

Kansas City goes yee yee

Tonight was the night. Kurtis Conner was coming to the Zona Rosa improv for his MidWest tour, and the tickets are only $20. Fantastic. Arriving at the venue, you go up to the podium and an employee scans your ticket and leads you and your best friend to your seats. "Wow." You think. "I'm about to meet Kurtis Conner in a solid two hours." As you and (B/F/N) got to Zona Rosa at 2:00 and got into the venue at 5:30, meeting two pretty chill people at your table,  whom you bonded with talking about how all four of you would beat the shit out of Kurtis if he didn't provide you with a second greeting, also wondering how the staff and Kurtis would react to the four of you creating a mosh pit around the stage.

At around 7:30 the show finally started with a pretty chill dude named Kellen, and he talked for a bit about his mom and porn neither of which had anything to do with each other but none the less, you were quite amused by his quality jokes. But then the time finally came, Kurtis Conner walked out on the stage and immediately looked in your direction, locking eyes with you. "Damn," he said, "is that a watermelon on your shirt, or are you just happy to see me?" You were confused because you were wearing a shirt with your cat on it. A shirt that had nothing to do with watermelon. Just a picture of your cat, Malfoy, with the words, "he sleep," underneath it. Taking this as a threat, you immediately shot back with, "I read more than you." Knowing fully well you absolutely read more than him. Taken aback, Kurtis looked shocked and appalled that one of his fans would say such a thing. "You know what?" Kurtis said with a glare, turning towards the bartender, "get me three ciders, Bartender." Gil, the bartender, immediately jumped over the bar with three ciders in hand. "My liege." Gil said, handing the ciders to Kurtis while bowing deeply. Kurtis took the ciders and immediately began to chug each one. "Bong." He said, reaching out to grasp a bong a fan had brought him, taking one single hit, immediately joining the bong squad.

"Woah!" His fans exclaimed. "That's right," Kurtis said, "I'm the newest member of the bong squad." Then he pissed on the robot drawing he made earlier, hoping someone would challenge him on his reading knowledge, and gave it to you. "His name is Stephanie." He said dropping the mic and leaving the venue. "I'm gonna get this tattooed on my body." You said to your best friend.

Six minutes later you, your best friend, and the two other people at your table kicked Kurtis's ass in the alley for not giving you that second greeting. Due to this you would not be calling him back for another date.