The House of Beardsley

Chapter Forty-three

Elias was weeping, and Valentin took him in his arms.

"I never knew Father thought of us like that," Augustin said, smiling through his tears. "His was a man who didn't believe in showing his emotions, nor his love, but now I can see he loved us more than anything."

"Yes," Eugene said. "Even me, his adopted son. I never felt like an intruder in this house, and I have him to thank."

"He was a strange man," Rachel added. "Maybe Judith saw a glimpse of the man he might've been if not for—" She held back her next words, instead putting on a grave expression.

"Well, shall I move on to the next letter?"

"Yes, please," Silas said.

Only Tobias remained silent throughout the ordeal, although he was different from Silas. Silas was completely untouched by the letter, but the letter had touched Tobias to the point he was deep in thought, so deep that nothing stirred him.

Rachel Mondeschein swallowed and picked up the third, and last sheet of paper, before she began reading. We were all on tense, aware of the importance and impact this letter carried.

"To chose only one of my son to carry on my name was no easy task, but I must've always known. Named 'Adam' after God's first creation, with three sons, I couldn't help but see the parallels between the story of Cain, Abel, and Seth. If Silas was Cain, the jealous, Abel was Tobias, the murdered, then only Seth, Eugene, had any hope of achieving what the former two could not."

There were gasps, but I couldn't hear it or place each voice to each person.

My eyes were on Eugene, this whose mouth fell open and he turned to give me a full smile before Rachel continued.

"Eugene Beardsley, I've appointed you heir of the House of Beardsley and to carry on the name. I've told you the tale of the Koi fish a long time ago, and ever since the accident took place, you've given up, but I hope one day you realize that you are a Koi fish and if you swim upstream, you'll become a dragon too.

"Truth is, maybe somewhere in my heart, I am doing this out of guilt for taking the position of heir from my elder brother all those years ago, but I've also grown to see you as a different person from Daniel, Eugene. You have the same ability to love, the same softness to forgive, and yet firmness to chase after all that you want, but I believe that unlike Daniel, you will not choose anything over the house of Beardsley. You will take this house and change it into something I will be proud of."

I gasped.

Of course, my wish came true. My wish—the wish I had secretly despised, secretly wished wouldn't come true, that wish that had both been my chain and what kept me going.

"Eugene!" Augustin jumped up, and was leaning as close as possible to him. "You've done it!"

"I'm glad, truly," Valentin turned to look at him too.

"I can't say I'm not pleased," even Rachel said, then looked at Beth and Elias. "For Judith and for these children, too."

"So I can see Mother?" Elias asked.

"And I can still come here?" Beth asked. "And see the girls? They aren't fired, are they?"

"Of course not!" Eugene was laughing, shining like a star in the table where people were standing up to grab his hand and congratulate him.

"Oh, oh, I never imagined this day would come!" Matheus was crying, yet stood as tall as he could. "I feel as though he's my own son! What an imprudent thing for me to say!"

"Nonsense!" Eugene laughed and pushed himself up on his cane. "Come and hug me, Matheus! This wouldn't have been possible without you!"

Matheus walked over and hugged him, then clapped him on the back before pulling away, and others rushed to him.

"What type of house will it be?" Rudy asked.

"Can you fire Phillip now?"

"Can you kick Silas out of the house too?"

Those came from Clo and Beth, almost at the same time. Eugene only laughed.

"Let's first remove the stigma and start with balls," Augustin suggested.

"It'll be hard," Valentin argued, "we have to do things slowly."

"Yes. Father had such high hopes for me, I don't even know if I can fulfill them," Eugene said bashfully. Then he turned to me, who still stood by the wall. His smile, unrestrained and vibrant smile, suddenly ceased.

"Shuyan?"

He said my name so softly. Like he was afraid of hurting me.

Why?

Then I felt it.

I looked down at my hand, where a teardrop had traced down my cheek and dropped from my chin and onto my knuckle.

I raised a finger to my eyes. Strange—had I started crying?

Despite knowing all this time I would never be with him?

"I'm sorry."

My voice came out foreign.

"I can't keep our promise, Master Eugene." I couldn't meet his eyes as I spoke. "I couldn't listen to what you promised to tell me after everything was over."

"What? Why?" He pushed himself up on his walking stick, and then walked to me as I pressed myself to the wall.

I wished I could run away from him than answer, but I knew if I did, he wouldn't quit trying to find out why, so I whispered,

"I have to leave, Eugene." I could only look at his chest, not daring to raise my head any higher in fear of seeing his expression.

"Leave? What?" He shook his head. "Why?"

"If you are heir," I said, "I would leave the house of Beardsley and never return."

"Shuyan!" Eugene grabbed my hand, and my head jerked up without me telling it to. His fingers were wound around my hand tightly. It hurt. I turned up to speak.

I stopped.

For the first time since I saw him, Eugene no longer hid his sadness: it was evident from his expression, from the grip of his cane as though it held his life, the desperate plea in my name.

I had always been focused on my suffering, I never realized how much I would hurt him.

I opened my mouth.

The words didn't come out.

"We promised, Shuyan!" he said. "You promised you would hear what I would say after everything is over! After I—"

"No, Master Eugene—" I shook my head. "It simply cannot be."

"Shuyan, I love—"

"Don't say it!" I shouted.

"I love you!"

Hearing it was different. I could no longer pretend I wasn't aware of it.

Eugene loved me, and I loved him.

And yet I couldn't even say it.

That hurt the most.