𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐚'𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐱. carl grimes

THIRTY-SIX: the g word

"You're a good big sister, you know" a voice from the front of the car says right as the car door closes.

I turn my head to see Carl, his head facing me as he bounces Judith on his knee. "Thanks but I'm really not" I reply.

Carl shakes his head. "No, seriously. I can only hope that I will be as good as you are" he responds, staring down at the smiling baby on his knees.

I scoot behind the passenger's seat and lean forward, wrapping my arms around Carl and resting my head on the edge of the seat. "Carl, you are the best big brother I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. You care so much for Judith, it's insane." I mumble, my head bobbing up and down due to my moving chin resting on the seat.

"You're just saying that 'cause you're my girlfriend" Carl mumbles.

The moment the word spills across Carl's lips I feel my heart do a backflip. We both stare at each other for what feels like hours, neither of us knowing what to say. I didn't know Carl saw me as that yet. My heart continues to beat a million mile per second as I stare into his eyes, unsure of what to say or do. Finally, Carl breaks the silence, "I didn't mean that! Actually, I did but I didn't if you don't want me to mean it. I'm good with whatever. If you want to take it slower that's fine, if you wanna speed it up that's cool. I-"

I cut the rambling boy off by leaning farther over the seat and lightly grabbing onto his head, pulling it towards mine. Our lips connect in a moment of pure bliss, our first kiss since our well uh first kiss.

Judith lets out a small coo, reminding me of where I was. I slowly pull away from Carl, my stomach filled with wild butterflies fluttering against the lining of my intestines. My hand remains on his check as I look at him to see a huge, goofy smile plastered in his lips. "You look like an idiot" I laugh.

Carl laughs, breaking his blue eyes away from mine. "I'm an idiot for you, Finn Dixon" he whispers, his eyes returning to mine.

I slowly take my hand off his check before lighting bring it back into his cheek with a slap. "Keep it in your pants, Sheriff" I laugh, rolling my eyes jokingly.

Carl brings his fingers up to his forehead and gives me a salute, "Aye aye Captain Trashmouth"

Judith coos again and it oddly sounds like "Aye aye". Carl and I glance at each other before bursting into a fit of hysterical laughter.

Our laughing eventually slowly to a small chuckle before it goes quiet. The moment we go quiet, another cry from Maggie echoes through the woods. My heart aches with her as a small tear runs down my face. I hear shuffling next to me and tune my head to see Carl pressing himself against the door, patting the room her made for me. I squeeze my way over the center consul and flip down onto the seat. Carl wraps one of his arms around me, the other one still holding onto his baby sister. I lay my head into his shoulder and whisper, "I feel so bad for her, Carl"

"I do too. If Judith ever-" he cuts off. I glance over at the bouncing baby on his knees. She was so little, so innocent, so unaware of what was going on around her. She had no idea her old babysitter had recently been shot in the head in a hospital. I would kill to be like her. To be so ignorant, so unbothered by life and the end of it.

"I know" I mumble, wiping a tear off my face.

"You know, I used to have a crush on Beth" Carl announces unexpectedly, "Well, before you showed up"

"I never really talked to her much but I know her and Claire were close" I mumble, reminding me of my sister. "You know, I haven't seen her cry at all yet" I realize, picking my head up off of Carl's shoulder.

Carl turns his head to look at me. "What do you mean?" he asks.

"I haven't seen her react at all to be honest" I reply. I run my hand through my hair, pushing it back. "She's been different since we reunited after Terminus. So much more...mature" I struggle to find the words to describe Claire's situation. I look back on the past couple of weeks. She's been so much more quiet, less rowdy and childish like before. She deserved so much more then this world. It was unfair that she had to grow up like this; fighting every day for her life. Not to mention, not having any friends her age.

"I feel bad for her... for Judith" I tell Carl, "It can't ever imagine what it's like for them. Having little to none memories of the world before this shit."

Carl nods his head. I look at him to see him staring at Judith so I do the same and stare at the bouncing baby on his legs. I let my hand rest on his forearm before allowing the top of my finger nail to trace along his soft skin. I ignore the feeling of discomfort rooted deep inside me caused by touch of another person and trace various shapes on Carl's skin. As I trace a couple hearts followed by smiling faces the word echoes through my head. boyfriend. It's crazy the power the word held. Every single time I repeated it in my head my heart skipped a beat and my stomach erupted into a swarm of butterflies. The more I said it, the stranger it sounded but it's effect didn't ever weaken. Is Carl Grimes really my boyfriend or am I dreaming? There's no way I'm not dreaming. It was too good to be true.

The loud slam of a car door causes my eyes to snap open. As I quickly wake up, I realize my head was laying on Carl's shoulder. I slowly lift my head off his to look at him. He was holding Judith in his arms, his head laying on the window causing his hat to sit weirdly on his long hair. Finally, the memories come flooding in and I quickly feel elated. girlfriend. I was Carl Grimes' girlfriend. It really wasn't a dream.

I hear another car door close from somewhere outside which pulls my attention away from my boyfriend. Curious, I carefully make my way out of the hot car. A breeze of fresh air hits me as my feet hit the grass before I slowly shut the door behind me, trying my best not to wake Carl. I turn away from the door to see a familiar vehicle one car down from mine. I quickly make my way down the pavement, excited to see my dad again. I finally make it to the car as more and more people climb out. I sit there, hands crossed over my chest, waiting for my dad. "What took you all so long?" I joke, a small chuckle crossing my lips.

No one responds. No one even cracks a smile. Sensing something was wrong, I step forward towards the group of people crowding around the door to the car, trying to do something I couldn't see. Finally, the group pulls the dead body of Tyrese out the car enough for me to see.

XXX
this was a short chapter and definitely not where i wanted to stop it but i needed to get this chapter out now.

also what's with this whole coronavirus thing. seems a little bit too much like the apocalypse if i do say so myself. maybe i can find myself my own carl grimes 🤩😔✌️

also i just saw one of the best carl edits ever and i truley had forgotten how hot he is